By Keira Beck
BREAKING NEWS! Dan Smith submitted as a new presidential candidate from the lively state of North Dakota. Dan Smith could be a great change of pace, and offers a more moderate and youthful alternative to the big-party candidates that will be on the ballot in November.
At 72, Dan is young, spry, and hip (with both of his original hips still intact!). Dan has 3 children, Don, Jan, and X Æ A-12. His favorite hobby is golfing in Florida with his friends and fighting to cure his terminal illness, dementia. Some of Dan’s plans to make America a better place include making “The common cold” (He’s talking about Covid-19) “finally end after 17 years'', end the show “Ru Paul’s Drag Race”, increase nuclear bomb exports, and build a canadian barrier to keep “those dirty maple syrup drinkers ‘oot’ of here.” Dan has a unique and catchy slogan, “Let’s Go Dandon!” and you can now purchase handmade bumper stickers off of Etsy, exclusively. Dan Smith will be a great presidential candidate against “Woke Liberal” Kanye West, who plans to end all discrimination towards the Jewish community TODAY!