CUH3 Trail # 36: Fat Gunt Stumble Larrikin Trash!

Post date: May 24, 2013 12:28:02 PM

Spring is well sprung, and with it the pleasure of explaining to people that yes, though you may be pushing 30, you still can't go out tonight because you have to study for this huge test that is like, 50% of your grade! Yep, it's finals time, and with it the Summer-inauguratin' Larrikin, run this year as part of the NYC AGM weekend, as the fatboy (or GUNTHHH trail, as I've lately started calling it) recovery trail. Weather was perfect as the pack assembled wherever they could find some space, as it always seems to slip our minds that, besides the Finals Larrikin, Columbia also tries to squeeze in a Graduation ceremony around the same time. At any rate, by the time I arrived, late and lacking all the hash supplies I'd promised, instead offering a hangover-tini (Pedialyte and Smirnoff) that no one wanted, the wanks had clotted up over off to one side of the Alma Mater. Solar Eclits, Doggy Erectus, Just Alana, Gag 'em Style, Tequila Whore, Jersey Asshole, What a Cunt, Cum Test Dummy, Dogmeat, HuMmeR, CPA, and new-old-comer Torch, who'd shaken off a decade or two of hash-dormancy to travel to the literally furthest kennel in NYC from his home in Long Island for his triumphant return, rounded out the pack.First straw drawn to co-hare with me was CTD, which meant all logistics people were now also in charge of setting a live trail. We grabbled up all the knapsacks as best we could and laid a pretty slow first leg, with plenty of (speed)checks, at least until we had the luggage stashed. First leg went up into Harlem, even though we had bad luck there last time, because there was this one bar I've been wanting to go to forever, and wouldn't you know it? Yep, locked up tight. After leaving a back check (which I confused everyone by writing the reason 'bar closed' below it) CTD and I then began a death march down Fredrick Douglass looking for a place that had A) open doors B) liquor license and last and most importantly C) an un-gentrifiedly lack of pretension that would even let us get in the door. Eventually we settled on the Harlem Tavern, because it's pretty much the only place for 20 blocks that sells alcohol before 6pm in this lousy town. Pack took their time finding it, but eventually made their way down, completing the longest (by like a mile) leg of what was supposed to be a recovery run. Oh well, thats the risk of doing it live, and everyone loves it when SNL characters flub a line or crack up, right?

Next on Deck were Torch and Dogmeat, who were given plenty of headstart while we waited for Mouth Full of Gu (who was nearly re-named Dicks-Licks-It for her inability to tell east from west when literally standing on the bank of the Hudson River) and as pack wasn't used to classy ass Harlem, where every bar is really some sort of gastropub, so all drinks have 9% sales tax on top of the tip. Eventually we put together enough money to give the crappy waitress a good enough tip, considering she charged us for a bunch of stuff no one asked for and we were off. Into what seemed like a dead end, but was actually the wiley old-timers running trail up to and over a metal spike fence, to see who would be dumb enough to lose a testicle trying to vault it. I had to be convinced not to try. Trail went into Morningside park and after some backing and forthing ended up on Amsterdam avenue, for the second stop, the Pour House.

They deviously were offering BOGO mimosas (for mothers only, it being Mothering Sunday (my favorite Britishism/swear word)) which HuMMeR and I tried to take them up on. Without even asking to see ID they just went ahead and assumed we weren't related. Post-racial society my ass! Anyway, it was around this time where tequila whore and Whatacunt decided to commandeer trail (I forget which actually drew the short straw) and put this sick dog down. Trail went down to the park, for a tit check that Solar and then CTD "solved" for the male hashers, and then went completely cold. Knowing the inevitable conclusion to running south and east from the Pour House I went straight to Ding Dong Lounge, though I did see marks that suggested they were going to have us overshoot and come in from the southwest. Thank god for Zen-ning. CTD and I fucked off to steal a move-out hopper from the general end of semester chaos, and proceeded to mis-steer it into every wall and firehydrant along the mile or so back to the bar. CTD tried to ride in it, but they steered like an ADHD kitten, so after an up and down the block we decided to give it a rest before someone ended up smeared all over Amsterdam.

Disgusting amounts of can beer were put together even considering the $3 hash cash (thanks Ding Dong!) and circle began. Random style so everyone got a turn. Gag 'em broke out her newest song, about 3/4's of a verse worth of disjointed swearing to the tune of Country Roads. Some random came up after he heard the singing to teach us all the Walking Down Canal Street with a cadence that meant he probably learned it in the military. CPA, true to his heritage, had to be ousted in a popular uprising after trying to install himself as RA-lissimo for life, I remember giving Torch a hat-tip down down for coming back on-line after all the downtime, and beyond that it gets a little fuzzy. At some point Banh Mi's were everywhere, and I spent like $50 on a $3 trail by the end of the night. Steady as she goes.

Next trail will be hared by yours truly June 8th, as part of my Summer of Type A's Weird Shit. Starts at 181st and Cabrini with a prelube at La Cheilie, but bet your ass we won't be staying on the island very long. CU Next Tuesday Happy Hour will be the Tuesday before, at Shrine bar on 135 and ACP.

Now that it's summer, there's TONS of big hashing to be done. FHKIT, Stinko and Stencho and Co-Mo are already behind us but Pittsburgh's Campout weekend is the 31st to June 2.

New Haven is running their tubing weekend in June: http://www.eventzilla.net/web/event?eventid=2138988335

LVH3's Red Dress Run is July 4, and then two months later on Sept 8th is the Red Dress Relay Marath*n, which is a real event that NYC helps them crash. It's a blast, but a pain to organize, so if you're interested, let me know.

Nittany's Campout is on the 1st weekend in August.

And of course, the Hashlympics! Third year running, It's going to be great. Same place as last year, Ft. Labia, August 9-11.

Regos are up on the website, and all non-CUNTHHH stuff will be put up with info and links on the "local Hashing" page as soon as I have time. If there are any other big local trails/weekends you want me to rep, let me know.

Type A