Post date: Oct 19, 2012 5:15:31 PM
Summer Never Ends. I looked into it, and that's not true. Not even a little slight bit. See? just keep scrolling back until you hit wikipedia, which has little links and everything referencing sources. Incidentally I don't understand why everyone is so nuts about this Google guy, you ask him a simple polite question and he just grabs pages with the words you said, like he didn't even read it or something. Anyway, turns out Summer not only ends, but is actually over, having ended a few scant days after the hash on Sept 21. And good thing too, because I did a little more investigative journalism and the results of my snoopery are thus: Summer is actually the WORST season in New York. It never freezes, and hardly rains, so the streets and subways always smell like hot piss. The temperature and relative humidity both hover in the mid 80's, with regular excursions to the upper 90's, so all you can do is sit still so you only sweat a LOT, instead of dying of dehydration. Beer curdles into some sort of explosive fungoid moonshine/PCP potion despite your best halfassed efforts to climate control it, and worst of all, it gives Rumson hashers an excuse to get nude. I'll give you a second to dwell on Tubslut's sweaty nutsack wagglin' in the breeze before I continue.
Ok. Pack gathered at Coogan's Pub up in Washington Heights. A bumper crop of virgins and no hare led to me drawing every possible hash/packmark I could think of to cover all the bases, thoroughly confusing everyone and ensuring that the trail moved forward with the maximum of fuss and bother. Just as I was wrapping up WhatACunt arrived with the bag/beer/hasher transport, a lovely filthy kidnapper van. Bags were loaded up and the pack headed north, through Jay Hood Wright Park, and across the GWB. To keep the pack from getting too strung out on the long straightaway, two titchecks were helpfully provided, nevertheless, we managed to ditch Tubby, I-feel, Ft. Orgy, Teacher's Pet, a virgin whose name I don't remember, and probably a few less memorable hashers besides. We arrived in the woods directly to the north of the bridge on the Jersey side, and spent a while looking around for trail, until I decided to go all Inigo Montoya and wandered off down what was not so much a path as a bit of woods where I felt the trees weren't, as much, and sure enough found the DC. Took another ten minutes and the full pack to actually find the beer, but we got it.
After hanging out with the booze and waiting for the slowpokes to catch up, we smashed and bagged our empties and headed out looking for the chicken eagle split. Fortunately we skipped right over it, as we'd find out later, and ran headlong into some frightful shiggy. Fortunately a sizeable percentage had been traumatized by my Hashlympics trail and were thus completely dead inside, enabling them to stoic-ly 1000-yard stare their way through it. Supposedly there was some aqua-shiggy WAC was hoping we'd dive into, but I don't think there's anyone dumb enough to entertain the notion of jumping into a pond off the Palisades Parkway.
After that it was up through a park, and down into an apartment complex, where the human version of a yappy dog informed us that the area we were already in the process of running out of, was private property and that he was absolutely scandalized by our taking advantage of concrete sidewalks we had not paid for to the point that it was interrupting the game of tennis he was playing in a fenced off court in a separate area. To the best of my knowledge all the hashers proceeded out the exit 20 feet away, instead of turning around and walking back the 200 yards of the complex we'd already run through, which I guess would have been the sensible thing to do?
From there it was down into the southside of Palisades Park, and around the old battlements and other old timey war words I don't care to look up. Halfway through the shiggy after the first drink check, WAC showed up to warn us of some trail-crossing, and sure enough we were back into the park on the north side, this time actually following trail. Turns out the "chicken" trail was about 16 inches or less of cleared space between the brambles on one side and the cliff on the other. And it was like a mile and a half long. Eventually we found some busted old stone steps that went a billion feet down to ground level, and after a tunnel or two, the On-in, where WAC had some assorted snacks and Jambalaya a-bubblin'.
What I remember from the trail: Singing Glorious Victorious to Tickets for like a dozen verses, having my steez critiqued and being made to drink out of a shoe with 16 miles of race on it, I'd worn the week before at a hash, and had for two weeks before that, and had to defend as old this weekend (just cause it's bright doesn't mean it's new!), for which I got the S&M man going so I'd have time to pick metal shavings from the lab workshop out of the insole. Splat being able to see his new house from the On-in, and almost all the virgins ducking out before circle. And Lil' dirty switching into a St. Pauli Girl outfit for some sort of German do later that night.
As night fell the cops started rousting people, and having had not enough beer to go around at the first drink check, WAC WAY over compensated, so we piled what was left into the van and were off. By my count we had about 8 people, their gear, and four cases or so of beer packed into the rear trying not very hard to be inconspicuous. Apres was held on the roof Chateau d'Cunt, and a lovely time was had by all.
Next hash is the CUNTHHH/Summit interhash on Nov 17 according to their website, in flagrant and continued defiance of my attempts to get us on a regular 2nd Saturday schedule. However, this works great this month because incase you weren't at the Happy Hour this week (looking at you, everyone...) the idea was floated to do regular travel hashes to keep in touch with the good old bad days when the whole pack would hoof it across state lines to have someone to hash with, and Philly just happens to be hosting the Always Shiggy in Philadelphia hash that weekend, to which everyone should go.
And at some point we will be electing new misman, so think about who'd work well as what, or ask someone to put a binder together.
So good riddance to Mosquito Times, and On-On to a November to remember (aka Rovmember)
Type A