Post date: Jan 3, 2014 5:44:24 PM
Hey, hope you've all been lucky enough to be designated non-esential personnel on this, Day Zero of Snowpocalypse. Personally, it's nowhere near as bad as last month's trail, probably because I don't have to be out in it, because I got a snow day today. Now that I've rubbed that in as deep as I possibly can, on to the hash trash.
Reasonably decent pack of wanks showed up at Lion's head for trail, considering we were in the first for real snowstorm of the year. Hares Gag 'em Style and 1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, Whore! were kind enough to lay trail in orange carpenter's chalk, but the 2 hour or so delay meant that trail was going to be covered in about an inch of powder, no matter how bright it was.
Trail got bitched up pretty quickly, as there was a check with multiple falses right at the start, but only one mark visible in any direction. Some good old fashioned cheating later, and we were off, heading south on Broadway, following explicit directions from the hares. One more phone call about three blocks down at Straus Park, and we were down on Riverside Drive.
At this point we'd picked up the rhythm of how Mother Nature was fucking us, and when we next came to a which-way so deeply buried in snow it looked like a faint orange arrow, a team of hash archaeologists set about excavating it, and saved us having to call the suicide prevention hotline again. Whatacunt found trail leading into the park, and by the time the pack caught up, she was taunting us from atop a Triceratops statue in a kids park. Thing about straddling a big, glazed ceramic barrel that's got an inch of wet snow on it, though, sort of hard to stick the dismount. After dusting WAC off and getting her on her feet, we were off again.
Back into the mid 90's, where apparently another call was made, because we were all given directions to the enormous new complex at 96 and Columbus, at which point the pack fragmented pretty hard.
From here on out it was Doggy, Just Katie, myself, and our combined women's intuition against the whiteout. I recall predicting trail would have to find a way through to Central Park and sweeping the first alley I came to until I unearthed a mark. Katie figured a big wad of shoveled snow looked likely and felt around till she dug out a mark, and Barry called the hotline for us when we got completely stumped at Fredrick Douglass Circle.
We met up with Tequila Whore, apparently miles behind the pack, who we'd been hearing the entire time, but never laid eyes on, to slam a beer that had been sitting out in the cold for 20 minutes but was still so much warmer than us by that point that we were using them to defrost our fingers.
Pack gathered up back at Lions Head, chosen because our hares didn't feel like humping the bags the 4 blocks to ding-dong (poor babies). Anyway, everyone got settled in with some tots and wings, those of us who'd never been there stupidly had the 'ass-burner' wings, and we circled up. We had to lock it down pretty quick, as the bar was kinda full, and they were not fans of our singing, but the bits of it I can remember were fun.
If you've finally gotten the prosthetics fitted for the fingers/toes/ears you lost on the last trail, give a thought to Rumson's Freezing Cold Hash, This Saturday. Details on the Website.
As for the next CUNTHHH trail, we're still working out the details of who's haring it, but tentatively it will be Splat, Skidmark and, Gag'em Style. Stay Tuned