Post date: May 9, 2012 2:31:58 AM
I'm sure most people have heard about this hash by now, or at least know the reputation, so I'll just jump right in then, shall I?
Pack collected at Spring Lounge on the corner of Mulberry and Spring, for one of the shortest and most cryptic chalk talks I've ever seen. The marks on the ground were an arrow, and three identical checkmarks with the numbers 1 through 3 near them. I believe chalk talk consisted of the mention of clues, and the phrase "When in doubt, run it out!"
Those of us in attendance; Hummer, Skidmark, I-Feel Tower, Just Basha, Dogmeat, Just Zara, Doggy Erectus, Free His Willy, Crouching Tiger Hidden Penis, What a Cunt, Conelingus, A.S.S.S.S.S.S. (Visiting from Japan, can't remember what it stands for, but I'm guessing Sweet Sweetback for at least two of the S's) and yours truly shrugged and were off.
Three blocks or so in we got our first taste of what we were in for what we came to a check with "Candle Building" written above it. At home, after the fact, with all the time in the world and Google, I was able to find *A* mention of a building in the village called the Candle Building on a graffiti blog, and a link to an Australian paper talking about how Rupert Murdoch's kid bought a building with candles in the windows in SoHo. Needless to say they pack breezed right through this mark and continued on to the next check, helpfully titled "I wish I had a tree, so I could do commerce" or something to that effect. I'm paraphrasing here. All I can remember is that it put me in mind of the stuff Charlie scrawls out on Always Sunny http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy-q4yzcuI4. After that an on-three check to a vacant lot with tags all over the walls and "Grafitti, Highbrow or Despicable" written on the sidewalk. Food for thought, although the pack would gladly have traded having the doors of their perceptions blown out with an indication that they weren't actually on true trail and should turn around.
About a half hour later and the pack eventually picked up trail, and after about a mile found themselves right back where they started. http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=479990. Exactly 0.90. Which was good, because we weren't going to get nearly enough miles in on this trail. Also I think there was a check laid under a stinking bag of garbage in Chinatown. Which is fine as far as I'm concerned, but it was a leaky stinking bag of garbage, and the mark was nearly obliterated by fish head/chicken foot/rub n' tug Kleenex effluvia that gives Chinatown its distinct odeur.
Eventually the pack made it to what was admittedly a pretty awesome check. An abandoned, unlocked waterfront warehouse with plenty of privacy gave us a chance to get a couple of verses of the S & M man going, and Jersey's spread of martini fixins and deviled eggs gave stupid people something to get sick on for the rest of the trail. Flabonghissimo was also there, having got directions from Jersey. No word on how long it took him to solve the semi-literate cryptograms Jersey gave the directions in.
Honestly, after this, we had a long straightaway and A.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S., Flabong, Crouching Tiger and I found ourselves separated from the pack. Through no type-a faults of our own you understand. Flabonghissimo had gotten some cryptic mentions of a "high park" out of the Puzzlemonster and so we dutifully checked the highline only to find the exit trail. We got lost again and ended up on the highline again, got lost again, and decided "Fuck it, we know where the on-in is, and Lazer's been waiting there for two hours."
We bombed it the remaining 3 miles or so to Dales Tavern outside of the Port Authority, picking up Coneilingus on the way, to find Lazer gone, but money on the tab. We joyfully settled in for a pitcher or two and waited for the rest of the crew to show up.
They did, and their bags did, but the hare (who was transporting the bags) never crossed the threshhold. Apparently Jersey had failed to riddle himself where the fuck he was going to park his car in Times Square on a Saturday night. Or at least that was the excuse he gave for hightailing it back home before a single downdown could be poured* Flummoxed, an executive decision was made to haul Skidmark in as a Judas goat and make him drink for Jersey's various sins. Happily willing to do anything for a free beer he obliged. The few non hare related downdowns included Free His Willy finally showing up after moving out to Newark, the four ladies for being the only people to get a drink at the second check (due to Jersey not being able to idle his car there) and I'm sure I was made to drink for something. I'm pretty sure I had a few funnels full out of the hashshit**
While we understand completely if we never see any of you at the next hash (or ever again) The third anal Summertime Larrikin will be starting May 12, 2:69 pm from the Alma Mater Statue. We know you're busy with class and finals etc. Which is why this trail requires no forethought, planning or investment of any time other than the r*nning from bar to bar and the drinking therein. Trail will be made up live, completely on the fly, with hares chosen by drawing straws. If you've never hared before, don't worry, we'll be drawing at least two hares for each leg and it's not like you could do any worse than this past month. If the hare is caught, the flour/chalk is handed off and that person immediately becomes the hare. Pantsing is optional. Since we have no idea how many bars we'll be hitting, we'll run on London Rules ($3 for down-down beer, you're on your own for other drinks and food).
*Thanks to Summit for extraditing him during one of your circles and letting us get a little rough CUNTHHH justice in.
**Jersey, if you're reading this the hashshit is most definitely yours for the month. Let me know if you want to sign it before we pass it along at the end of next trail.