Trail #47: NYU Takes over the CUNTHHH, Part Dook

So lately I've been hearing a lot of negative nabobs nattering in and around the hash. Figured I'd take a few paragraphs before the start of hash trash to bore people with what they already know, but hey, you were probably at the last hash, so trash proper is old information too.

It's becoming clear that certain hashers are being picked on and marginalized out on trail, in circle and at the on-after. That's super uncool.

The best thing about the hash, the reason we're worldwide and still growing after 80 years, the thing we make sure to tell every virgin before they're out the door, is that it's one big family. Move to Zanzi-fucking-bar? Just show up to the start, 'Hey I'm So-and-so Von What's-his-nuts, I hashed once before some other place, now that we're introduced mind if I drop trou and turn cartwheels?" Of course you may, new best friend. Of course you may.

This obviously only works as long as you can count on two things. That the hash is inclusive, and that the hash is supportive.

Everyone is welcome, bar none. We have hashers of every race, gender, religion, sexuality, disability - you name it. That's why *you're* always welcome, no matter how different you are from the hash you're visiting.

We make fun of each other, but jokes are only funny if they're jokes. There's a difference between ribbing and an insult, and we're all old enough to know the difference. It should all come from a place of friendship. No matter how thick your skin is, it can be tiresome to take the same static every single trail, especially when there are tons of other kennels an hour or less away.

You gotta remember, are the hash. The whole thing falls down if you aren't willing to put forth the effort to make it as fun as we tell people it is. There's no way to rely on the kindness of strange hashers if you're not willing to be kind and welcoming to everyone yourself. There's never a reason to be deliberately shitty to someone, especially when you're surrounded by people you do like, people who are all looking for an empty cup to fill and someone to talk to. Have a good time, and if there's someone you don't like, turn to any of the other 368 degrees in the compass, keep your trap shut and your mind open, and you'll be doing your part to make the hash great. Who knows, they may even end up being one of your closest friends, years down the line.

ON TO THE HASH TRASH!

So the first gimmicky CUNTHHH trail in the last couple of months, and lordy, how I missed it. The gimmick, not the part where the gimmick actually worked out and everyone had a good time. I'm not sure I'd even seen one of those before...

Anyway, pack showed up under the Washington Square Park Arch for a trail led by our NYU hares, Splat and Skidmark, and were promptly handed reading material. Everyone who's lived long enough in NYC - lived like we do - has been there before. Fortunately we had new transplant Dick Shavins and visitors Lanky Streak o Piss and The Bavarian to reboot us from Subway Preacher Mode and show us that these were not tracts explaining we were on the road to sin and damnation unless we changed our ways, but road*maps* to the very place!

Our hares weren't content to rest there, however, and came costumed as a bridge troll and a Billy Goat Gruff, and so naturally the instructions were written as a series of 69 cryptic riddles, each more fiendish and difficult than the last - and yes, that's a Simpsons reference, but then so was Off Dutyzzz and Fast American Dave zipping through the list at pretty much a dead sprint. It was only once we got towards the end of the list that they tried to get cute, running along a road parallell to the one that would take us to McCarthy Square. You poor, stupid assholes. I spend more time in the 100's than a virgin mathlete with a Tiger Mother, and even *I* know that there's no such thing as parallel below about 14th. We had two stops where the same street intersected itself, for fucks sake! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I actually arrived at the start before the the actual clock time for the first time in years, and only found Dick Shavins hanging out under the arch looking damp and forlorn. We decided to fuck off for a beer, which turned out to be a smart decision, as we recced about 3 solutions to the scavenger hunt on the way, including the bar we stopped in. Eventually we showed back up, warm and dry, to where everyone had been standing in the piss-drizzle waiting for us. Cum Test even went so far as to wish that the rain would shit or cut bait, and if this were a work of fiction, reviewers would be panning me for my cack-handed use of foreshadowing.

Trail started off through the Mews, or did once we figured out who among us knew what a Mew was and where to find one, then through NYU's Campus and into the West Village. Highlights were Off Dutyzzz and FAD working out where the drink check was going to be so they could skip clues three at a time if we got stumped, Gay Street, running in random directions after about clue #40 until we came out about 30 minutes later at #46 because we wanted to 'shortcut' and the in-exPLICable mourning of village people for their stupid papaya dog. I just googled it, I guess there's only 5 left in the city, but still, their smoothies are for shit and their hot dogs are, generously, good for what they charge.

Drink check was at Union Square, manned by Tequila and Gag 'em. I think pack had spilt a bit by now, especially with all the mutinies during the 'charles in charge' fiasco, so after necking my 'Gatorade', and explaining the hash to some interested normals, I took off with Lanky Streak of Piss, keeping the pack just close enough to catch a glimpse of them every few minutes, and not have to solve any more puzzles.

Except, that is for the final one! Yep Hash Happy Hour was held at our on-in bar, Lucy's, which became pretty obvious once we hit Tompkins Square with three clues to go. One more reason to show up for these things. Perfect timing, because as soon as we hit the park the skies opened up. I'm sure CTD was just overjoyed.