There is a famous saying someone famous said...
- Randy Newman
Work like no one's looking. Dance like you've never been hurt. Fuck like you don't need the money.
- Type A Hole
If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that learning never taught me nothing.
- Madeline Khan
Ah, The Upper West Side! The birthplace of Jazz, deathbed of vaudeville... with everything else sleeping in a perpetual coma. What will I miss most about it? Grand Central Terminal? The Empire State Building? The Bronx? Sure I'll pine for those landmarks, but we always miss those fleeting moments we can never get back, eggs benedict fresh off the conveyor belt from the central hollandaise vats of West Ninety Eight Street... All night rosé raves at Grant's Tomb... Saturday evening wolfhound races down the Broadway mall... And when it all became too much, the long rambles through the dells and hollows of Straus Park, where one could walk uninterrupted from 106th Street all the way to 107th without once remembering he lived in the wildest neighborhood in New York - The place Damon Runyon once called 'That Rollicking Upper West, where every night is an endless dice game, and you can't help but roll sevens again and again, but then the dice turn into shiny poisonous beetles and fly up and sting you in the eyes, and the next thing you see is the golden, lidless eye of Alexander Hamilton sitting in his throne at Columbia University'
- John Hodgman
'[In the city] you'll find queer folk! Just think, they never sleep!!’
-‘And why not?’
‘Because they never get tired.’
-‘And why not?’
‘Because they’re fools.’
-‘Don’t fools get tired?’
‘How could fools get tired!’
- Franz Kafka
Early to bed and early to rise, means you never see anyone else
- David Mitchell
It's not fair that if you wait all day to do something, you're a procrastinator, but if you knock it out first thing in the morning, you're an alcoholic.
- Michelle Wolf
If life lasted only one day, I'd still be drunk by noon
-The Handsome Family
Tis better to have loafed and lost, than never to have loafed at all
-James Thurber
In wine there is wisdom; in beer, freedom. In water there is bacteria.
- Anonymous
To Beer! The cause of, and solution to, all life's problems!
- Homer Simpson
Those who have no beer, have nothing to drink.
- Martin Luther
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
- Ernest Hemingway
The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.
- H.L. Mencken
“Humans have evolved to their relatively high state by retaining the immature characteristics of their ancestors. Humans are the most advanced of mammals – although a case could be made for the dolphins – because they seldom grow up. Behavioral traits such as curiosity about the world, flexibility of response, and playfulness are common to practically all young mammals but are usually rapidly lost with the onset of maturity in all but humans. Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.”
- Tom Robbins
"Self control", that frozen virtue, that freezing vice.
- Ralph Ellison
Oh!--and I speak out of later knowledge--Heaven forefend me from the most of the average run of male humans who are not good fellows, the ones cold of heart and cold of head who don't smoke, drink, or swear, or do much of anything else that is base, and resentful, and stinging, because in their feeble fibres there has never been the stir and prod of life to well over its boundaries and be devilish and daring. One doesn't meet these in saloons, nor rallying to lost causes, nor flaming on the adventure-paths, nor loving as God's own mad lovers. They are too busy keeping their feet dry, conserving their heart-beats, and making unlovely life-successes of their spirit-mediocrity.
- Jack London
It is to be remarked, in passing, that when a man begins to drink rationally and intelligently he betrays a grave symptom of how far along the road he has traveled.
- Jack London
The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother.I shall always delight to meet an ass after my own heart when I shall have finished my travels.
- Mark Twain
How much a dunce that has been set to roam,
Excels a dunce that has been left at home
- William Cowper
The hobo works and wanders, the tramp drinks and wanders, and the bum just drinks.
- Todd DePastino
I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most
After three I'm under the table
After four I'm under the host
- Dorothy Parker
Tell them I'm too fuckin' busy, and vice versa!
- Dorothy Parker
Brevity is the soul of lingerie
- Dorothy Parker
I apologize in advance if I get an erection.
And I apologize in advance if I don't.
- Sean Connery, to his costar, before filming a love scene
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
- Mark Twain
Some people won't touch bacon for religious reasons. I won't touch religion for bacon reasons.
- Michael Che
I hope reincarnation is true so I can fuck teenagers again.
- George Carlin
Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- Benjamin Franklin
It only takes one drink to get me drunk. It's usually the thirteenth or fourteenth.
- George Burns
If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.
- Joseph Schenck
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
- Dean Martin
Prohibition is better than no booze at all.
- Will Rodgers
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
- W.C. Fields
He drinks, but what's drinking? A mere pause from thinking!
- Lord Byron
Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter, sermons and soda water the day after.
- Lord Byron
A man cannot make him laugh – but that’s no marvel; he drinks no wine.
-William Shakespeare
Work is the curse of the drinking classes
- Oscar Wilde
When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is beyond all argument.
- C.S. Forester
I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.
- Alan Alda
Uh, the lady will have a bowl of gin, no ice... we don't have time for it to melt. And I'll have a rum and rye, and could you garnish that with a couple of Tums?
- Bruce McCullough
I was left in no doubt as to the severity of the hangover when a cat stamped into the room.
- P. G. Wodehouse
"Dixon was alive again. Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way; not for him the slow, gracious wandering from the halls of sleep, but a summary, forcible ejection. He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of morning. The light did him harm, but not as much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again. A dusty thudding in his head made the scene before him beat like a pulse. His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum. During the night, too, he'd somehow been on a cross-country run and then been expertly beaten up by secret police. He felt bad."
- Kingsley Amis
The human race has not devised any way of dissolving barriers, getting to know the other chap fast, breaking the ice, that is one-tenth as handy and efficient as letting you and the other chap, or chaps, cease to be totally sober at about the same rate in agreeable surroundings.
- Kingsley Amis
“I'll pour you the first one and after that, if you don't have one, it's your own fucking fault. You know where it is.”
- Kingsley Amis
I always feel sorry for people who don’t drink, because when they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re gonna feel all day
- Jack Lemmon
Where ever I go, there I am. Drunk.
- Anonymous
The whole world is three drinks behind. If everyone in the world would take three drinks, we would have no trouble. If Stalin, Truman and everybody else in the world had three drinks right now, we’d all loosen up and we wouldn’t need the United Nations
- Humphrey Bogart
Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.
- Sammy Davis Jr.
“Alcohol is like love,” he said. “The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl’s clothes off.”
- Raymond Chandler
I drink when I have occasion; and occasionally, when I have no occasion.
- Miguel de Cervantes
If you were to ask me if I'd ever had the bad luck to miss my daily cocktail, I'd have to say that I doubt it; where certain things are concerned, I plan ahead.
- Luis Bunuel
-'Sir you are drunk!'
-'I may be drunk madam, but you are ugly. And I shall be sober in the morning.'
- Winston Churchill
...in the morning, after we had called on God for direction, we came to this resolution: to go presently ashore again, and to take a better view of two places, which we thought most fitting for us, for we could not now take time for further search or consideration, our victuals being much spent, especially our beer...
- A Relation or Journall of the Beginning and Proceedings of the English Plantation Settled at Plimoth in New England, by Certaine English Adventurers Both Merchants and Others. With Their Difficult Passage, Their Safe Arivall, Their Joyfull Building of, and Comfortable Planting Themselves in the Now Well Defended Towne of New Plimoth. As Also a Relation of Foure Severall Discoveries Since Made by Some of the Same English Planters There Resident.