Dear HKMS Families,

At a meeting with two lovely parents this week, they shared with me the concept of "infusing frustration tolerance" into their children's lives.  They went on to share a post by Dr. Becky Kennedy (a prolific child psychologist) who explained the benefits of of increasing our kid's ability to deal with setbacks, changes, disappointments and all the other things that frustrate kids.  So, I dove into Dr. Becky's (as she prefers to be called) work. In her book Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be  Dr. Becky describes the benefits correlated to children who have the mindset to brush off disappointment which include increased school performance, better friendships, and better physical health.  The benefits also correlate with parents who are more fulfilled, have stronger partnerships, and report better relationships with their children.  How do we teach our children to deal with frustration?  Dr. Becky has three tips: 

1. Let your kids be bored. Boredom allows the brain rest and recover and has many benefits.  "Boredom also helps children develop planning strategies, problem-solving skills, flexibility and organizational skills — key abilities that children whose lives are usually highly structured may lack" (Jodi Musoff, MA, MEd, of the Child Mind Institute.)

2. Say "No" to something. A former colleague of mine, a social worker and child psychologist, Dr. Meg Domino always advises parents to "give your child high doses of Vitamin N!"  Telling your child "no" allows them to learn that they cannot always have what they want and provides a safe place to work out frustration strategies.

3. Let your kids struggle. The struggle is the goal.  Think of the brain like a muscle (it isn't, but its a good analogy). If you want to strengthen a muscle, you must continually increase resistance. The same is true for the brain. Kids may struggle to enter "the zone of proximal development" (Vygotsky, 1932). This is the beneficial gap between what a learner can do independently and what they can achieve with guidance from a more knowledgeable person. When in "the Zone" people process, retain, and learn at their highest levels. 

If we do these three things, we will be "infusing frustration tolerance" into our children, which is good for them, good for you, and really good for everyone!

You know what else is good for everyone? A high dose of amazing middle school teaching and learning! Fill your prescription here, in this week's newsletter! 

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

Steve Clapp, Ed.D.

While learning about the Qin Dynasty, students also improved their highlighting and annotating skills.  These are vital skills that help students to better understand non-fiction reading.  

The impact of motion (in this case vibrations from a tuning fork) on the pressure of a liquid was being studied in this Gim-Kit experiment.

Monday Moring Meeting (or MMM) is back for 2025!  Click on the image for the Weekly Den Announcements (above) and check out some of the activities teachers designed to connect to students for the second MMM of the new calendar year!