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"Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child."  -Tim Elmore

Dear HKMS Families,

Thank you to all who attended Wednesday night's open house and the appreciation you shared with the teachers and us about the start of school and the care we put into providing a world class education for your children.  Your kind words and follow-up emails meant the world to us!  We are very proud of the community we have built with all of you.  The most successful schools have strong bonds and partnerships with their parents. Having worked in several high-performing middle schools, in no place is that partnership more evident than here in Easton.  It is one of the benefits of having such a tight knit town and school. 

For those who were not here, our opening message emphasized that middle school is a time of challenges and growth. These "bumps in the road" shouldn't be completely smoothed over by adults. Instead, they are valuable opportunities for our children to learn to navigate the complexities of school and life within a safe and supportive environment.

The renowned child psychologist Alison Gopnik suggests we think of raising children more like a gardener and less like a carpenter. A skilled carpenter visualizes a beautiful finished piece of furniture and, with precision, creates the desired product. A gardener, on the other hand, creates a rich and fertile environment, plants some seeds, and accepts that the final garden will likely not be exactly what was planned. This gardener knows that the roots of the plants will become stronger when exposed to wind and other natural elements.  When first planted, the gardener does not know exactly what the flower will look like when it fully blooms, but he focuses on health of the soil, knowing the final product will be uniquely amazing.  

No matter how hard we try to "tiger mom" or "helicopter parent," we cannot raise a child with the same precision that a carpenter crafts furniture. Instead, we must allow for the surprising aspects to flourish and marvel at the unique humans we helped to cultivate.  

Be aware of the bumps in the road and the rough waters ahead, but do not avoid them or smooth them over FOR your children. Instead work WITH them as a coach who guides them through these challenges. By doing so, you'll help them develop the soft skills that will give them the competitive advantage sought after by employers. The more we build our own emotional intelligence, the more we are able to model regulation and stress management for our kids.  As we know, they often learn more by watching us handle own our lives rather than just listening to what we tell them.  An example we discussed at Open House was the Compass of Shame.  

The Compass of Shame is a fascinating breakdown of how all humans experience bad feelings, such as embarrassment and shame, but not all humans have developed the self-regulation skills to pause before reacting.  It is innate that we want to get rid of bad feelings.  The instinctual reflex is to do this by putting the blame on others, denying, avoiding, withdrawing or being really harsh on ourselves.  These are unhealthy ways to react to information that elicits uncomfortable feelings.   Emotional regulation is not a skill with which we are born.  We must develop and practice constantly in order to reach a level of inner calm and control that allows us to handle the emotional roller coaster that is life.  These are the years when children have the most practice.  During adolescence, as their brain is going through a full remodeling and they are driven by emotions and the need to fit in, emotional intelligence learning and regulation practice are vital components to future success.  Gone are the days when helping your child to simply get good grades or do well on the SATs gives them the competitive edge for their future.  Do you want your child to thrive in life?  Now is the time we can all help them to increase their self-regulation skills.  We need to view every conflict, mistake and lapse in judgment as a learning opportunity.  

The world is constantly giving us feedback.  Sometimes that feedback is hard to hear.  When you reach a higher level of emotional intelligence, you are able to hear tough feedback, acknowledge the feelings that it elicits in you, then be grateful for the information as it helps you to grow as a person.  There is a phrase we learned when reading the book, One Trusted Adult by Brooklyn Raney.  It is "Ouch. Thank you."  As Brooklyn explains in her book, "This Ouch-Thank You Approach to feedback has bettered my parenting, coaching, teaching, friendships, and also my marriage.  So often, when we are given feedback, we have an intrinsic response to defend, excuse, or discredit it. This approach shapes the way we receive feedback; we agree to simply say, 'Ouch, thank you' and sit with what we have heard until we are prepared to thoughtfully respond or act" (pp. 189-190).  

Modeling and supporting emotional regulation and other vital habits of mind is key.  Over the next 12 weeks, we will highlight one of these twelve soft skills, such as taking responsibility, coachability, positive energy, frustration tolerance, and delayed gratification.  I will provide specific strategies you can use to help foster them at home so we can work as a team.  Remember, the most significant growth and development happens between the ages of 11 and 14. Because they are so impressionable at this stage, the growth isn't always linear. But if we stick with this approach, we will instill skills now that will last a lifetime.

Switching gears...

The PTO has launched their one and only fundraiser of the year. We encourage you to check out the video students created showing all the ways the PTO enhances their education and experiences here at HKMS, linked here. The link to the donation page is here.  See the flyer below for more information.  

As a public service announcement, Dr. Bindelglass asked us to share the link to the Easton Town Alerts and News sign-up form: https://www.eastonct.gov/subscribe. This notification service provides the most up-to-date emergency news and alerts related to public safety, emergencies, storms, and other important information. While you can also sign up for other news and updates, the Alerts are the most important for everyone to subscribe to as soon as possible.

Before heading off into the weekend, please take a few minutes to check out all the wonderful teaching and learning, events, and opportunities in this week's newsletter.  

Sincerely,

Steve Clapp, Ed.D. &   Annie Mohr

Principal Assistant Principal

Abe's all wet!  Abe Lincoln, that is!  Students learn about the scientific process of setting and testing hypotheses by testing how many drops of water will stay on the top of a penny. 

There are a ton of topics in the Next Generation Science Standards that student love to debate!  Dr. Baca capitalizes on the adolescent powers of argument and channels them for good as students gather evidence and support their claims.  The format of the in-class debates also helps students to practice collaboration skills, patience (one speaker at a time) and listening skills.  

All 8th grade ILA students wrote and shared out their Bio poems in Mr. Jockers' class.  They learned more about their classmates during these read alouds than they had in their many years together at the same school.  

What's better than beautiful weather and ultimate frisbee?!?  Nothing!!