JusticeXVengeance

[Rough Draft] (should be finished in by Dec 2024)

Introduction

In this event we explored the grey area between Justice and Vengeance. How do we define these concepts and determine the difference between them? I became fascinated with this topic when recently Ramlakhan Vimal (biological father) crossed my well defined boundary and initiated what I perceived to be an aggressive betrayal. In the aftermath of this betrayal, I brainstormed many actions that I could take. I was surprised at how easily I could enter into a grey zone where I couldn’t tell whether I was manifesting justice or vengeance and it didn’t feel like other people had clear answers either. As I began to deeply question the foundation of these concepts, I began to see the same ambiguity everywhere, such as in the judicial, religious, political, educational, military systems.

In the Reality section, I shared some definitions and reminisced on a possible evolutionary reason for vengeance and then finished with describing how I used SOMDEland (my mythological universe) to turn injustice into justice. My mother shared her personal journey and then sang a meaningful Indian poem and finished by sharing what tools help her digest injustice. Nabeel shared provided some definitions and then explored a few examples of societal conflict from the lens of Justice and Vengeance.

In the Digestion section, the orginal plan was to focus on the story of Holika. One reason for this was that I had a bunch of leftover colored powder from Holi that I wanted to use in the ceremony. Also, the story and myth of Holika, from my perspective, could be interpreted as either Justice or Vengeance and therefore was a good example of the gray area. Another reason for choosing the story of Holika was because I wanted to be respectful of the many things happening in the world right now where people have, understandably, strong emotions. Instead of focusing on those topics which could have deviated us into angry words, the myth of Holika may have been a safer place to have fruitful discussions. After the discussions, I had originally planned for people to rewrite the story of Holika  to reflect their view of justice and vengeance, which would be collected into an anthology. People were also welcome to (re)write about their own life story.   However, when we reached the Digestion section, I sensed that people were not excited about writing the story.  Because these events are collaborative, I decided instead to hold a large discussion. 

In the Ceremony section, the original plan was to  collectively decide how to use ideas of Justice and Vengeance that emerged from the Discussion section to design a ceremony using the following ingredients: holi colors, fire, ink that we make from pokeweed growing in my yard, and jewelweed seeds that explode when touched.  Because I sensed that people did not want to play holi, we did not have a ceremony.  However, I did show-and-tell the pokeweed and jewelweed seeds to a few people. 

At the end of the page, is our Analysis section, where my Mother and I share how we felt before and after the event and whether the event helped on our journey of spiritual healing. 

Reality (learning knowledge)

1. “Using SOMDEland as a way to turn Injustice into Justice” Vivekanand Pandey Vimal

During my presentation, a cherished friend, asked me many questions some of which lead to a long meandering journey away from the central theme.  At the time, I wanted to answer and engage in discussion but at the same time I didn't want the rest of the audience to be a captive audience in a conversation between two people.  More importantly, from prior event, I know that usually the audience can only handle 45 minutes of sitting and listening to lecture.  This is why I designed a 'Digestion' section where people can move around and have really deep discussions.  

Afterwards, my cherish friend said that she was exploring being an 'agent of mystery or fascination'.  As I thought back on it, I thought that perhaps the disruption was beautiful because it injected an uncertainity. It reminded me of the tricksters in a traditional Dagestan wedding which I had seen in youtube a while ago.  I may, for future events, have a dedicated trickster/distractor.  This is because the flow the events don't matter as much because majority of what I want is usually realized in the preparation phase. 

An email sent to Ram and Manju with the subject line, "Our Collaborative Project", sent on April 11, 2024

2. “My personal journey in understanding Justice vs Vengeance” Rita Pandey

3. “Societal Conflict - a Justice/Vengeance lens” Nabeel Khan

Digestion (processing knowledge)

Ceremony (creating with the processed knowledge)

Analysis

The Initial Plan 

My initial plan (outlined in the email above) was aggressive because it focused on public shame by revealing truths of the past.  The process of collecting all of the documents and showing that we could defend ourselves made us feel empowered.  We no longer felt like victims or as if we were being dominated.  Instead, it gave us confidence.  

One part of us wanted to implement the truth-based public shaming however another part of us felt bad and did not want to cause any hurt.  These undigested and unresolved feelings just lingered in a state of incompleteness.  It was at that point that I made a promise to my subconscious (as also documented in the email) that I would create an event of beauty motivated from these events as a way to understand my next steps. 

Preparing the Presentations

Making the presentation brought up negative memories and certainly destabilized us.  Both my mother and I had lots of difficulty figuring out what the tone and content of the presentations should be.  One part of us, perhaps our younger selves, wanted to share all of our memories of suffering so that the world would know what we had been through.  But another part of us didn’t feel good revealing the truth because we felt it may cause hurt to him.  This made us realize that our empathetic personalities, in a way, made it so that we are always miserable, because even when given the opportunity to get ‘justice’ by revealing the truth, we still did not want to cause hurt. Therefore we had to find another way to find peace. 

The need to finalize the presentation because of the approaching deadline, motivated us to have many deep discussions.  With every discussion we would oscillate between the extremes of focusing on what hurt us and focusing on the themes that lead to healing.  This was a necessary process where our conscious minds would create a presentation and then we would check with our subconscious emotions.  With each repetition, we created a new presentation and then had a discussion on our feelings and eventually the distance between our conscious and subconscious selves came closer together. Through these process, we got greater clarity and peace which helped us answer: Why do we feel bad simply telling the truth? Why are we concerned about hurting someone who was so oblivious to us? If we could get anything we want, what would justice look like…is it even possible?  

Finding Spiritual Healing

In my original plan, I was going to humiliate both of them in their society by revealing the truth.  However, I knew that doing that would ultimately make me feel bad and so I soothed my subconscious by promising that I will create beauty from this wound.  As I came closer to the event, I felt a dread and did not want to hold the event, however I did it because I had made a promise with my subconscious.  I have learned that anytime I make a promise to my subconscious, I have to implement no matter what, otherwise the inner trust of oneself can break down.  I found spiritual healing in using the event to create something new that otherwise would not exist. The JusticeXVengeance event gave me a deeper understanding of both words, from the literature review that I did.  I really liked the end of my presentation where I show a depiction of how I take injustice and feed it into SOMDEland to digest and essentially recreate a new form of personal justice. It makes me feel good that this will go on my website as another example of how I do spiritual healing by creating artwork, ceremonies, and events.  The website itself has become a form of healing because I find beauty in it and I love devotionally adding to it.  Therefore, this event is like an offering. 

My mother also found spiritual healing when making her presentation. It helped her realize how her younger self, her younger mother and her younger children could never get justice because those were all moments in the past, however, in the present moment, she could use her memories to write a beautiful novel which she will call “Modern Ramayarn”.  As she developed her presentation, she came to the realization that she didn’t want her novel to be a list of miserable experiences but rather she wanted to use those memories as a way to explain spiritual ideas that helped her heal, with the hope that it will help others on a similar path.  After the event, my mother had a dream where she saw some of the slides of her presentation and it helped bring her to a place of peace. 

Event Invitation sent to attendees:

General Notes

- If you would like to participate in the holi-colors, wear clothing that you don’t mind getting dirty (The colors should come out).

- You can park on Butterfield Rd

- Feel free to bring any instruments for the ceremony part

Introduction:

In this event we will explore the grey area between Justice and Vengeance. How do we define these concepts and determine the difference between them? I became fascinated with this topic when recently Ram (biological father) crossed my well defined boundary and initiated what I perceived to be an aggressive betrayal. In the aftermath of this betrayal, I brainstormed many actions that I could take. I was surprised how easily I could enter into a grey zone where I couldn’t tell whether I was manifesting justice or vengeance and it didn’t feel like other people had clear answers either. As I began to deeply question the foundation of these concepts, I began to see the same ambiguity everywhere, such as in the judicial, religious, political, educational, military systems.

In the Reality section, I will share some definitions and reminisce on a possible evolutionary reason for vengeance and then finish with describing how I use SOMDEland (my mythological universe) to turn injustice into justice. My mother will share her personal journey and sing a meaningful Indian poem. Nabeel will share some case examples of societal conflict.

In the Digestion section, we will focus on the story of Holika. One reason for this is that I have a bunch of leftover colored powder from Holi that I want to use in the ceremony. Also, the story and myth of Holika, from my perspective, can be interpreted as either Justice or Vengeance and therefore is a good example of the gray area. I also want to be respectful of the many things happening in the world right now where people have, understandably, strong emotions. Instead of focusing on those topics which could deviate us into angry words, the myth of Holika may be a safer place to have fruitful discussions. After the discussions, people will rewrite the story to reflect their view of justice and vengeance, which will be collected into an anthology. If anyone wants to (re)write about their own life story, they will be most welcome to do so.

In the Ceremony section, we will collectively decide how to use ideas of Justice and Vengeance that emerged from the Discussion section to design a ceremony using the following ingredients: holi colors, fire, ink that we make from pokeweed growing in my yard, and jewelweed seeds that explode when touched.

Event Overview

I Arrival and Chill’n (2:00-2:30)

II Reality (learning knowledge) 2:30-3:30pm

1. “Using SOMDEland as a way to turn Injustice into Justice” Vivekanand Pandey Vimal

2. “My personal journey in understanding Justice vs Vengeance” Rita Pandey

3. “Societal Conflict - a Justice/Vengeance lens” Nabeel Khan

III. Digestion (processing the knowledge) 3:30-5:00pm

1. I will give an overview of the story of Holika (3:30-3:40)

2. Meeting new people and discussing (3:40-4:10pm)

3. Write your own version of the story, or about your own story (4:10-4:40pm)

4. Share session (4:40-5:00pm)

5. Group Picture

IV. Ceremony (creating with the processed knowledge) 5:00-5:30pm

Based on the sharing session, we will design a new Holi celebration using the ingredients of a fire and holi colors.