Treasures

[Rough Draft]

[Caption] (Grand Canyon, part 3) Loooookkk at my precious rocks!! They are so beautiful!! Some of these treasures I carried over 18 miles, sometimes lingering at the verge of heat stroke...but it was soo worth it. To me, more beautiful than any jewels or diamonds are rocks that I find on my journey, that have written on them millions of years of history. When I look at them, I am transported to the divinity of Mother Earth and those moments of being with Nature. These are the royal jewels of SomdeLand <3. The black rock, to the left, I met at the bottom of the Grand Canyon near the Colorado River. While it is probably not, I nevertheless imagine that it is from the "Vishnu Basement Rock" formation...rocks that had formed underneath the ancient mountain range that was ontop of the Grand Canyon almost 2 billion years ago. As your eyes move to the right, you will see red rocks which were probably formed on the bottom of seas and oceans that once covered the grand canyon. Below those you will some yellow rocks that most likely formed from the sand dunes that once covered the grand canyon. Below those are a few limestone rocks that formed from the seashells of sea creatures and below that are rocks that have crystals in them!! Most of these rocks glitter in the sun like a thousand little stars. I found the bleached and twisted stick to the left on top of the rim. The beautiful bag of red sand I got from the Red Canyon in Las Vegas. I will talk about the story of the stick at the top tomorrow. I brought this all through my carry-on and the TSA agent checked every single rock. To protect those rocks, I had wrapped them in my sweat soaked underwear and she had to explore all of my dirty cloths. She was supernice and understanding and her favorite rock was the purple one (next to the black rocks).

[Caption] (Grand Canyon, part 5)

This is the story of the Phallus of Agave utahensis. On my journey to the beating heart of the Grand Canyon, I found myself nearing a secluded, forgotten and crumbling path that perhaps was one of the most dangerous that I have encountered. My sweat breathed fear as I was frozen in uncertainty...and then I heard a voice behind me, “Child, you will not survive that path without a divine walking stick that can guide and anchor you into the safety of the rocky earth. Only those with the blessing of the land can pass.”

With a feeling desperation that bled into my heart, I looked around for such a masterstick but only saw the landscape consumed by heat and broken boulders. I once again rested my eyes on the ancient plant that spoke to me. As the tail of the passing wind rattled his dried leaves, he said, “I am Agave utahensis and I bless you when others have cursed you. Take my phallus and make from it a magnificent Stick of Destiny.”

Underneath the echoes of shock, I felt great honor, and I responded, “How can I do that? You will die if I do that. No journey is worth that cost.”

He said, “Look at the layers of the Grand Canyon that tell the history of a billion years and within each of those layers there have been billions of cycles of Life and Death. I know my final moments are approaching and without you, my mighty, erect, 12 foot phallus will fall forgotten. My phallus still has life and vitality and a desire to impregnate the world with epic multidisciplinary ideas.”

And so, with a tear in my eye, I grabbed his phallus...and twisted it...and tore it free. And then, to shorten it, I smashed it against a red boulder, and as I did that, the Heavens moaned and Destiny changed and his dried seeds exploded and disseminated across the land. I saw his final smile as he faded away. And so was born a sacred artifact of Somdeland, the Phallus of Agave Utahensis, who will help me give birth to my dreams.

After my adventure had ended, I knew I had to bring him home, so I tried putting him in my poster tube, however it was too big, so I had to amputate it more. Even shortened, when I reached the airport, they would not let me carry it on, so I paid $50 to check it in. It was the best $50 ever. (Note, this is a true story, except the agave never spoke to me. Also, in real life, I chose a plant that was already dead when harvesting the stalk).