Beef Stroganoff

Beef Stronganoff, aka Beefy, aka Beefsteak, aka Beefcake... I knew within 30 minutes of fostering him that he belonged in the Facebook group "All Orange Cats Share 1 Braincell". He is dumb as bricks.
My mom argues with me when I make this claim, saying "but he's so cute/adorable/sweet/perfect".

She's right. He is so cute/adorable/sweet/perfect. None of those claims refute the fact that he has zero brain cells rolling around between his ears. Let's just start with his vacant expression. Shortly after we got home and got out of the kennels i snapped these pictures. I didn't need any additional evidence, but I have some anyway. Beef wanted attention and purred almost immediately. But he'd wander three steps away and then wail in utter desparation, completely LOST while he LOOKED DIRECTLY AT ME. Then he'd take a few steps towards me before wandering off in the wrong direction, crying pitifully for me to rescue him, which i couldn't as I was covered in his siblings who managed to know exactly where I was at all times... he'd wander aimlessly around the room, shiverying and screaming until chance brought him close enough for me to snatch him up and place him back in my lap. Immediately upon being picked up, he'd purr in contentment and settle in for the snuggle he desparately desired.

He was the last to learn to eat. All of them refused a bottle- normal. All of them swam in their food-messy, but normal. While I did have to teach Beef to eat by opening his mouth and placing food inside it, that's not unusual for newly weaning kittens either. None of his siblings needed that step, but I've had plenty of kittens that have. When he started transitioning to the bowl, we had to constantly monitor him because he inevitably lost the food and tried eating the bowl. But so far, in the 87 foster kittens I've raised (plus various foster kittens I've watched when their fosters are out of town), no other kitten has RUN IN TERROR when presented with food. One day I took out a Inaba Chicken Filet, a favorite treat for many of my pets and fosters. While his siblings mobbed me, when I held it out to Beefcake (who walked up to my 50lb dog without blinking an eye), he took one look at this small offering of chicken meat, and bolted. When I cornered him and offered it again, he swatted at it in defense. I picked him up, opened his mouth, inserted chicken... and he gobbled it up in pure delight, then sniffed around looking for more.
So I offered him more, peeling off another small piece and holding it out to him.
PANIC. CLAWS. HISS. FLEE. HYSTERIA.

Once I staunched the blood (ok, I might be exaggerating here a little... the delay was more from me laughing than any medical needs) I captured him, held him close, and once again, opened his mouth and introduce chicken heaven directly onto his taste buds. He rolled his tiny eyes back and inhaled the chicken goodness.
So, another offer presented to him by hand... and off he goes again, sure that there are demons in whatever that THING is in my hand.
It took 4 attempts before he figured out the monstrous bit of flesh and the delicious morsels of food were the same thing.

I had to supervise Beefy in the litter box. While the other 3 kittens could share a tiny litter box without incident (I upgraded the size shortly after this picture), I held Beefcake in my lap to watch and learn from a safe distance to avoid having to shout "PLEASE DON'T POOP ON YOUR BROTHER'S HEAD!"
It wasn't Rissi's fault. She was doing her thing when Beef stuck his head under as if he was a bowl at a froyo place.

According to the internet, and the internet would NEVER lie, a simple cat IQ test is to move them towards a wall to see if they put their paws out to prevent a faceplant into plaster. While I was writing Beefcake's blog, with Beefcake drooping out of my neck hammock, my husband rushed up and said "I need Beefcake. I must perform a test". If you thought even for a moment that he passed the intelligence test, then you must be sharing half a braincell with Beef.
Beefcake failed. I literally heard his hollow head thunk into the wall.

Regardless, Beefcake is a success. He simply doesn't need any smarts when he's so overwhelmingly sweet. EVERYONE loves Beefcake. Even grumpy Daisy loves Daisy. He has two potential families considering him already, and he's going to bring SO MUCH JOY into someone's life. There is something so simply wholesome about Baby Beef with his BIG BELLY and BLANK STARE.