Player Profile: David Beacham

Profile by Tim Muttukumaru

Dave Beacham is a man you'd put a lot of money on. Not just because he appears to be good at practically everything, but because he's a spectacularly reliable perfomer. No flash-in-the-pan, Beacham's stats are similarly excellent across all sports. This would make him just about the most annoying man on the planet if he weren't also exceedingly modest. Born with all the self-promotional skills of a hermit crab, Beach is actually very sociable - except he doesn't like to brag about that either.

On the cricket field, Beacham runs in with a weary Angus Fraser look about him. Delivering the ball at a healthy but not outrageous pace, Dave has the happy knack of both restricting the batsmen early on and taking wickets. Often brought back at "the death" for one last hurrah, Beacham usually comes out with the best bowling figures at NTMCC.

As a fielder, Beacham has no known weaknesses. TV footage showing that he once dropped a catch was discredited when it was revealed that this was in fact impossible. With a strong arm and safe hands, Beacham can be placed anywhere. Although obviously the closer he is to the wicket, the more likely it is that he can unleash a ferocious torrent of witty banter in the batsman's direction.

If you can criticise Beach, it's for his batting. Although he did a fairly good job of smearing Tim Muttukumaru's bowling all over the park in the 2005 Old Boys match, primary school children in Delhi have done much the same so it's nothing to write home about. More representative was his opening of the batting in a 2005 match against Girton. Chasing 111 to win, Beacham set about the task in earnest, scoring a quickfire 19 not out off 17 overs. I suppose on the plus side he didn't throw his wicket away. Nevertheless, the world will be a gloomy place indeed when he finally teams up in an opening partnership with William "Funzo" Watson...

P.S. I don't wish to be critical, but Beacham was dismissed "lbw b Mostofi" in the NTMCC v Christ's game in 2008. This has to be some sort of fix, surely an attempt to throw the game?

*** 2009 UPDATE: Beacham dropped a catch! He did take 4 wickets, so all is forgiven.***

*** 2009 UPDATE PART 2: SHOCKER! Beacham's just shelled another sitter! He took 5 wickets, so again he is forgiven.***

*** 2009 UPDATE PART 3: Beacham says his girlfriend Ellie is going to make a cake for the game on 25 July. Bring a knife this time...***

*** 2009 UPDATE PART 4: Beacham brought cakes and they were excellent! He also made his wicketkeeping debut, taking a catch and securing the stumping of Not the MCC President Christopher Muttukumaru. ***

Career Statistics

Not the MCC

Batting

Bowling

Bowling