Match vs Christ's College, 13 June 2010

Disbelief, elation... Mostofi Minor takes "literally the best catch ever" according to Gas... replays proved inconclusive

In marched Gas, to another burst of adulation (from the fielders). Mostofi continued to add value by suggesting that "everyone" be placed behind square on the offside (the Dabbing Zone). Harrison attempted a number of impossible dissections before simply hammering de Preston into the cover boundary instead. The bowler soon got his own back though, with Blake being dubiously triggered by Matt Stanton. A Law Society inquiry has been launched into whether Stanton's flip flopping between teams constitutes a breach of the Solicitors' Practice Rules. More of them later.

Anyway, Gas refused to give up trying to guide the ball through the gully and it was there that Muttukumaru made his first (and last) useful contribution of the day by catching the ball.

Up to this point, bowlers Thoroughgood and Gordon had done a sound job in restricting the scoring, but Shah and new batsman Nowell were intent on upping the run rate. After the impeccably stratospheric olecranons exhibited by the opening pair, the technique of numbers four and five was something of a disappointment. Mostofi described them as "good tennis players". Doubtless he has forgotten that it was the Sidney tennis captain who dismissed he and his brother's 4 overs in 2004 Cuppers for 50...

H Bardon: 2-1-3-0

M Selig: 3-0-22-0

A Nowell: 4-0-34-3

C Blake: 4-0-32-1

N Shah: 4-0-13-1

G Cade: 3-0-11-1

Remember what tennis players can do to your figures, Mostofi?!

Both batsmen smashed the ball around for a bit until the closing overs. AJ then asked whether he should "start hitting out". As it happened, "hitting out" was in fact a rather cunning euphemism for getting out. Mostofi produced a vicious inswinger that picked up pace and bounce off the surface, jagging away from the bat to shatter off stump. Nowell bowled for 29.

Meanwhile Leo "the Laser" Critchley was frantically calculating the statistical probability of a wicket. After some Beacham-esque differentiation, he concluded his usual left arm wasn't up to scratch. So he bowled right handed instead, as you do. After an erratic start, The Great Porpoise of Notting Hill struck, sending Shah's off stump cartwheeling. And Shah was gratefully received into the following gallery...

The Laser's victims are now immortalised in pictures in this limited edition print, available from WH Smith, price: £your soul

Judas Stanton and a "dangerously drunk" Harry Bardon completed the dregs of the innings. The clear highlight was a very canny over from Jobbers who went for a mere three runs.

After some deliberation over how many overs Not the MCC would have to score 118, the number twenty was settled on. Williams and Bartlett took to the field and it was Williams who made the early running, quickly making his way to 12. He then made the error of missing a straight one and was bowled by Nowell.

Enter Seaton Gordon, who had, by his own admission "had a shocker" for Simmons and Simmons against the same opponents 24 hours earlier. He slashed away with Ripper-like disregard for the safety of close fielders and made ten valuable runs.

And thenceforth strode the captain. He shared a partnership of 23 with Bartlett. All runs contributed by Bartlett after an over of pastries from Blake. Digging a trench worthy of the Battle of Passchendaele, you'd have thought the skipper was preparing a long stay. As he slogged his first ball high into the afternoon sun, you could be forgiven for thinking your initial assumption to be correct. All such thoughts were dispelled as Moynihan pouched the catch at point. Oops.

Vice captain Jobling provided further entertainment with a similarly brief stay, toppling himself and ending up stumped, comically, for zero. You must watch the video to see this, but the picture below gives a flavour of what occurred...

Jobbers tests the limits of the physically possible...

Regis steadied the ship with an increasingly panicky Bartlett, who then "middled" the ball to wicketkeeper Harrison. Umpire Williams looked disdainfully at the appellants, who looked suitably admonished. Blyth laughed malevolently on the boundary: "the boot is on the other foot this year, eh?"

Fortunately for the home side, they had a potential mole in the NTMCC side, current CCCCCC member Mostofi pulling off the famous "double Iscariot" manoeuvre to trigger Bartlett lbw off Nowell for an excellent 52. The crowd was unmoved as it collectively ingested another slice of undercooked meat.

Regis was now joined by South. Lest we forget, South has never been dismissed sober in NTMCC history so he was, quite literally, playing for his average (or lack thereof). He was joined by Thoroughgood when Regis edged Cade to the keeper for 7. Game on, with a required run rate of approximately 5.52 per over.

Thoroughly launched the first attack, producing a glorious back foot drive for three off his first ball. Whether it was necessary to square cut a straight ball into his stumps is open to debate. Cade the wicket taker, the crowd held its breath as it fumbled around for the strawberries and cream.

Thoroughly wisely decides to start carving the ball through the off side...

Laser Dolphin isn't renowned for his batting but set about the task with rarely seen gusto, taking three runs in as many balls. A bizarre series of events led to his dismissal in Shah's next over. Shah bowled, South whacked it back at him, Shah dropped the catch. So far, so simple. However, the Laser was backing up halfway to Grantchester so Shah shied at the bowler's end. And missed. The batsmen ran one and then set off on a kamikaze second as Poirot collected the ball and threw it to the bowler's end. Laser was still on his way back from Grantchester when Cade bundled over the inept Shah to catch the throw and whip off the bails. Ouch.

Enter Abteen Mostofi, aficionado of the forward defensive and chief architect of many a drawn game. He and South discussed tactics ("Shall we just hit and run?"... "Yeah let's just do that") and returned to their respective ends. 10 to win off the final over, to be bowled by College's most venomous bowler, the frankly terrifying Blake.

A series of swipes, misses and some surprisingly disciplined running saw four required off the last ball. Sportingly, Cade anticipated that Mostofi wouldn't hit the ball off the square and positioned all fielders within twenty yards of the bat. The shot which Abteen launched high over mid off will live long in the memory.

Ridiculous scenes as Mostofi slays the ball into the top tier for a huge six to win the game off a 900mph bouncer...

And so to summarise, a very close finish to a decent game. Pre match fears that College would steamroller the old boys proved unjustified as de Preston, Bartlett and finally Mostofi starred for NTMCC. Special mention to the Laser for tight bowling and top notch batting. Ali's innings of 8 not out off 24 balls held things together at the end nicely.

Thanks to those at College, particularly Graeme and Harry, for making the game happen.

Here are your points...

Fantasy League Points

Williams: 12

Bartlett: 52

Gordon: 10

Muttukumaru: -5

Jobling: -10

Regis: 7

South: 8

Thoroughgood: 27

Critchley: 23

Mostofi: 32

de Freston: 40

Club Man Points

Williams: 1 (umpiring)

Bartlett: 1 (umpiring)

Gordon: 1 (umpiring)

Jobling: 2 (taking and bringing kit)

Regis: 1 (umpiring)

South: 0

Thoroughgood: 0

Critchley: 0

Mostofi: 1 (umpiring)

de Freston: 1 (umpiring)

Supporters Points

C Lees: 4 (attending both innings in full)

S Watson: 4 (attending both innings in full)

* The scene of the legendary defeat of Catz II. 9-1 in the league. Goals from Farrington (3), Lalwani (3), Muttukumaru (2 pens) and Turnbull.