Match vs Pluckley, 8 May 2011

Things didn’t go to plan against Pluckley.

The run-up to the Pluckley game was dominated by animated discussion about the relative merits of two different voting systems. Few, it seemed, were particularly well-informed about the merits of either. Such confusion may help to explain the captain’s own indecision when presented with the choice of either batting or fielding first. Characteristically, he opted for the former, though not before offering the choice to the opposition skipper (who, as it turned out, also fancied a bat).

The vagaries of the toss over with, the innings commenced with the certainty and assuredness of a Williams/Boot opening combination. Sadly, this duo is proving about as foolproof this year as a basket of Mediterranean government bonds. Williams gone to a Yorker for 0. Boot dismissed in almost identical fashion without scoring. The two of them retired to the boundary, like a couple of disgraced Middle Eastern dictators, to play bowls.

Anyway, all rickety economies can be shored up by a saviour and our Angela Merkel was Seaton Gordon, fresh from a magnificent 66 against Bagshot. He and Az Mostofi did a great job of stemming the tide, resisting manfully for 10 overs against some searching bowling. Seaton looked very compact in defence and Az was very composed in his first innings of the season.

Unfortunately, the senior Mostofi was anything but composed when he saw a small child coming on to bowl. A traditional secret weapon of numerous opposition teams, NTMCC have been undone by many a minor in the past. Az attempted to marmalise Hills’ second ball into next week, but succeeded only in thrashing the ball high into the air, where the bowler took a catch just short of a length.

The mercurial Farrington announced himself at the wicket with a canny mix of delicate probing and the odd grand gesture. Much like a Silvio Berlusconi night in. I’ll stop the political references now. Faz’s stay was regrettably brief, the Old Wolfronian bowled for a single.

Muttukumaru the younger started his innings with aggressive intent but settled down a little as the score crept along to 35-4 off 16 overs. Seaton was providing virtually all of the impetus and instantly took a liking to Plowman’s off breaks. Unfortunately, he was bowled attempting to carve out another leg side boundary for a very respectable 26.

Enter the elder brother Muttukumaru, who hit a rather nice cover drive for 4 off his first ball. This early success was not to be repeated though, as he became the third batsman in the row to get out to an over-ambitious shot, miscuing the ball to mid on for 5. This left us 43-6.

Fortunately, Nick and Tim Regis made a very good fist of the seventh wicket partnership. Nick showed his belligerent side and cuffed a few very decent boundaries, a six over the bowler’s head being a particular highlight. Happily, the scoring bug was catching as Tim slapped the balls around nicely. Like Silvio Berlusconi at a bunga bunga party. [Sorry, that was crude. I’ll take it off the site once I’ve received a complaint/writ/super-injunction. Though obviously if it’s the latter, I won’t be able to tell you that’s the reason I took it off the site.]

The two batsmen took the score onto a slightly more defensible 84 before both batsmen met their ends. Regis was slightly unlucky to pick out deep midwicket from a waist high full toss. Muttukumaru attempted a sweep from outside off, with the ball glancing off both front pads and stumps. Good innings from both players had allowed us to claw back some ground.

With 16 overs left and 8 wickets down, the bowling became slightly friendlier. Standage and Mike Boot played with a great deal of discipline to add runs to the total. Both were sensible enough to eschew the kind of boldness/recklessness that had been a key feature of the middle order collapse. Both were equally quick to pounce on anything loose, Spudder smashing a huge six over long off and Mike pulling anything short. Much like Silvio at one of his Tuscan villas.

Having added 30 runs fairly comfortably, the pair took it upon themselves to create our second comedy runout of the season. At one point, it looked like they would both race to the danger end like a couple of lemmings dashing helter-skelter to the nearest cliff. As it happened, Mike turned out to be the smarter of the two and allowed Spud the dubious honour of being the second NTMCC wicketkeeper to be run out this season. Gone for 17.

Malcolm showed early signs of promise but Brazier but the innings short, showing a glimpse of his talents with a great reaction caught and bowled to dismiss Mike for an excellent 30.

143 all out wasn’t exactly an imposing total, but we had a good bowling attack and were confident of giving it a good go.

It didn’t turn out that way. Plowman and Brazier quickly got on top of Olly and played some very good attacking shots. Even though both Malcolm and Cousin Boot bowled some decent deliveries, they couldn’t find a way through. In particular, Mike bowled at a very healthy pace and passed the outside edge several times. Olly was steadier than usual, but bowled accurately and went for more runs than he deserved to.

The skipper was encouraged by his trusty lieutenants to give spin a try. Resisting the urge to relinquish the gloves and take ball in hand himself (a wise move), Dr Mostofi was brought on. King of Flight Williams was tried from the same end but with the same effect on the wickets column: nil.

Standage came on and bowled a good spell. Mixing the deliveries up deliberately, he got the batsmen thinking and finally got us a wicket, Plowman getting a fine edge on a hook shot to be caught by the keeper for 43.

Smelling blood, NTMCC reintroduced Malcolm, only for a few balls to disappear to the fence. Drinks were taken and Farrington was called upon to take nine wickets. Four balls later, the required 12 runs had been scored and the game was all over.

Obviously it’s disappointing to suffer any loss, particularly a heavy one such as this. However, to dwell on the positives briefly, we dug ourselves out of another batting pickle and posted a score which, on another day, could have been competitive. Particular credit is due to Mike Boot, Nick Muttukumaru and James Standage, although I thought both Seaton and Az did very well at the top of the innings. On the bowling front, no one really let us down. It was just that the opposition got into a groove and we didn’t have sufficient runs to play with.

The fielding was generally good. The banter was excellent too. Testament to the Cannon’s return. For that reason, in addition to a pacy spell of bowling and a resolute batting performance, Mike gets the man of the match award.

Special thanks to Amy for attending the game. Always great to have some support, though I note you mainly picked people who weren’t playing in your Fantasy League team. As the Snow Goose was heard to mutter quietly to herself: "Knowledge is knowing that Hamer Boot, James Williams and Tim Muttukumaru have scored 1,912 Fantasy League Points in the past 2 seasons. Wisdom is knowing not to put any of them in this year’s side."

The limited edition “I travelled 6,000 miles to Pluckley and we got absolutely annihilated” badges are available from all good stockists. Or can be printed out from the image below.

Here are your FF and Club Man Points etc:

Man of the Match

Mike Boot

Fantasy League

J Williams: -10

H Boot: -10

S Gordon: 26

A Mostofi Snr: 4

S Farrington: 1

N Muttukumaru: 22

T Muttukumaru: 10

T Regis: 19

J Standage: 37

M Boot: 30

O Malcolm: 9

Club Man Points

J Williams: 4 (bringing supporters, lending a copy of Private Eye for the purposes of the Fantasy League, umpiring, scoring)

H Boot: 2 (marathon scoring)

S Gordon: 1 (scoring)

A Mostofi Snr: 0

S Farrington: 1 (bringing supporters)

N Muttukumaru: 1 (lifts)

T Regis: 1 (umpiring)

J Standage: 1 (umpiring)

M Boot: 2 (Boundary Bowls award)

O Malcolm: 2 (lifts, for not umpiring!)

Supporters Points

A Orme: 6

J Williams : 6