15 June 2009: vs Christ's College

Things went not-quite-according-to-plan against a strong Christ’s side in the fourth game of the season. The captain continued his run of form at the toss, losing for the 4th game in a row. And indeed rumours that Jobbers had swapped lucky socks with the skipper before the game proved well-founded as the match commenced.

Wisely choosing to complement the dashing offside play of ‘Slasher’ Boot with the mildly cautious approach of ‘Dead Bat’ Watson, Not the MCC made a solid start to proceedings. The openers found it tough going against some uncannily accurate bowling not seen in Cambridge since the days of Jegasothy and O’Donnell. Watson finally chalked up a run against his 12th ball and was true to form when after 31 balls he had scored a frankly pedestrian 4. The strike-starved Boot was hurrying a little more, taking advantage of the odd loose one to score a couple of nice leg side boundaries.

The crowd were baying for blood, sometimes quite literally, and Watson cut free of his shackles to hit a couple of booming drives back over the bowler’s head. Unfortunately the night’s food poisoning caught up with the Gunship from Giggleswick soon after and he was dismissed for 22 by that old favourite, the straight ball that doesn’t really do anything. Back to the gents he trudged, a fistful of Imodium in his right glove, doubtless steadying himself for something considerably more explosive than his innings had delivered.

Boot had, by his own admission “lost all concentration” after a hyena-ious spell of 5 dot balls in a row, and dollied one up to Bardon off Harrison for 15 off 29 balls. Enter Regis and Mahapatra, two of the three members of the infamous “Penang Posse”, all of whom have attempted to terrorise bowlers from Crowhurst to Cambridge this summer. Regis was the first to go, the number 4 curse striking again (current average: 1.25) as the Wizard of Whitgift was bowled for 1. The ever-popular (and slightly drunk) Mahapatra was next. Having survived a gargantuan appeal for caught behind the previous ball, Poosh brilliantly made up for lost time by leaving the next ball, which was dead straight. 61-4 was not an especially clever score.

However, help was at hand in the unexpected form of Jobbers. Doubtless inspired by Barber’s line that Harrison had Muttukumaru “ethnically beaten” (who could argue with that, eh?), William took the bowling like a duck to water. Relying on a mixture of brutal front foot drives and elegant dabs through the slips, ‘The Jobling Massacre’ (as it will surely be henceforth referred to) will live long in the memory. Even the running was crisp and decisive, the Manchester Missile hurtling between the wickets like some sort of groundbreaking physics experiment. Anyway, the jollity came to a rather gruesome end when Muttukumaru assisted in his own dismissal, bowled for 41 trying to marmalise Bartlett’s leg spin to cow corner. Moo.

105-5. Jobling to the fore once more, crashing the ball to all parts. Not a maiden in sight, except for those swooning at the sight of the big man caressing the balls to all parts. Did I mention my regular specs? No, I thought not. Anyway, Williams started like a man looking for his glasses, nudging a nurdling rather than bludgeoning, 6 off 18 balls being a little behind the hoped-for rate. Jobling tried to pick up the pace but it all went wrong as he was caught and bowled by Blyth for a magnificent 29 off 33 balls. Shahid Afridi, eat your heart out.

Mostofi strode on and set about his task with glee, pushing for twos and stroking the odd boundary. Williams too perked up and worked his way to a very useful 21 not out. Mostofi was bowled late on and Stanton’s cameo was just that, stumped by Barber off de Freston for 0. Bartle, Beacham and Singanayagam left unemployed on the boundary rope, 164 to win for Christ’s.

Not an awful lot to be said for the performance in the field, but I’ll say it anyway. Beacham opened up very solidly with 4 very tight overs. Watson was a useful foil from the other end, bowling 5 overs for 23 and looking very much back to his Flintoff-esque best.

The only low point in this period was a missed opportunity to dismiss the useful-looking Bartlett. Muttukumaru dashed after the ball into the offside, hurled it back in and Stanton mutilated the stumps with the batsman just short of his ground. Or at least that was the way 65,000 fans in the grandstand saw it. However, maverick umpire Benjamin Blyth saw things differently and admitted he “couldn’t really see it”. What was that about regular specs again? Oh well.

Bartlett and Duncan then took a shine to strike man Williams, who was atomised for 26 runs off just 3 overs. Plan B (aka Simon Bartle) went for 30 off four overs and things were looking gloomier than a BNP Convention in Lagos . Plan M (the tried and tested Mostofi) went for 20 off two overs and Strike Parrot Singanayagam went for 13 off one over. A drinks break was really a case of allocating the dwindling number of overs amongst the shattered bowling attack. Regis had 4 of these, going for 7 an over but looking at least promising for the future. Boot produced his usual mélange of bouncers, double bouncers and triple bouncers to good effect, going for a miserly 6 off one over.

The high point was definitely ex-Christ’s skipper Mahapatra’s contribution. 1.1 overs, 1 maiden, 4 runs (all off the abbreviated second over) and 2 wickets. Bartlett gone caught by Boot at extra cover (just reward for Boot in fact, who was generally outstanding in the field all day) and then next ball Barber bowled when some 34 yards or so down the track.

And so an 8 wicket defeat. Well played to College, they looked a very well organised outfit and were certainly the stronger side, with genuine depth. Our batting was okay, a few people got starts but failed to capitalise fully. Special mention to Jobbers for a really good performance, a very brisk innings which put the spring back into our step after the top order’s collapse.

Generally slightly disappointing in the field, there were a good batting side but we missed a couple of half chances. We’d usually hope to create more pressure on the batsmen but didn’t take the wickets we needed. Largely the captain’s fault for not bringing Piyush on earlier? Probably, has anyone seen those regular specs of mine?

Fantasy League Points

W Watson: 23

H Boot: 20

P Mahapatra: 30 (plus Lazarus Award*)

T Regis: 1

T Muttukumaru: 41

W Jobling: 29

J Williams: 21

A Mostofi: 18

M Stanton: -10 (plus Major-General Charles Gordon Award**)

S Bartle: 0

D Beacham: 0 (plus George Weah Award***)

B Singanayagam: 0

Club Man Points

W Watson: 1 (playing after being ill the previous evening)

H Boot: 4 (giving lifts both ways, umpiring, bringing kit)

P Mahapatra: 1 (umpiring)

T Regis: 4 (umpiring, taking kit, lifts both ways)

W Jobling: 0 (!)

J Williams: 1 (umpiring)

A Mostofi: 2 (double umpiring)

M Stanton: 0 (could be wrong here…?)

S Bartle: 2 (double scoring)

D Beacham: 1 (excellent cake provision, though was nearly deducted a point for complimenting his own teas)

B Singanayagam: 1 (scoring)

Supporter Points

C Hemings: 3 (bonus point for a lonely vigil and getting abuse from rowdy opposition fans)

S Watson: 3 (bonus point for buying teas during second innings)

Christ’s College: -10 (general rowdiness, overly-boisterous)

* Inaugural Lazarus Award. For anyone who has a monumental comeback after a terrible first innings performance. Especially relevant where second innings performance was somewhat unexpected!

** Inaugural Major-General Charles Gordon Award. Awarded to anyone who sacrifices themselves for the cause in a last ditch act of heroism. Usually relevant to those playing at the end of the innings. Not to be confused with the Kamikaze Award (TBA).

*** Inaugural George Weah Award. Awarded for excellent performances with scant reward. See former European Player of the Year George Weah, who had the misfortune to be Liberian: 60 international games, 22 goals, virtually always on the losing side.