PROCESS: COME UP WITH AN OVERALL POINT FOR THE ESSAY
Doria’s lack of confidence makes it difficult for her to accept herself.
Beginning:
• (pg 36) “I’ll give her that it’s true that I’m useless…”
• (pg 2) “Dad he wanted a son….customer specifications”
• Wants to escape. (pg 65) “I would just really like to be someone else,”
• (pg 65) “are better dressed than me”
• (pg 37) “Yeah, OK, it doesn’t really mean anything,”
• (pg84) “So it is truly bad luck to be a girl”
THIS IS THE PARAGRAPH FROM THE ABOVE DETAILS:
Doria thinks very little of herself and her abilities. Even her most basic identity as a girl is compromised because her father abandoned the family so he could have son. Since Doria does not meet “customer specifications” (2) she acknowledges that she feels “shut down or closed off or something...” (1) and unable to care about what is happening around her and to do anything about it. At school she admits she is “useless” (36) and even when a teacher writes a complimentary comment, Doria undercuts it with the remark: “Yeah, ok, it doesn’t really mean anything...” (37) She criticizes what she wears as clothes “not even the Salvation Army would want” (65) Because of the conditions of her life, Doria wants to escape: “...I just really would like to be someone else, somewhere else...” (65)
FIRST YOU NEED TO MAKE A POINT FOR THE PGH. Doria thinks very little of herself and her abilities. THEN YOU NEED TO ORGANIZE THE DETAIL; HERE, I WENT FROM MOST BASIC TO MOST GENERAL; Even her most basic identity as a girl is compromised because her father abandoned the family so he could have son. Since Doria does not meet “customer specifications” (2) she acknowledged that she feels “shut down or closed off or something...” (1) and unable to care about what is happening around her. At school she admits she is “useless” (36) and even when a teacher writes a complimentary comment, Doria undercuts it with the remark: “Yeah, ok, it doesn’t really mean anything...” (37) She criticizes the clothes she wears as “not even the Salvation Army would want” (65) [THIS DETAIL DOES NOT SUPPORT ABILITY OR CONFIDENCE.] Because of the conditions of her life, Doria wants to escape: “...I just really would like to be someone else, somewhere else...” (65)
Another sample paragraph from Billy Elliot:
In the film Billy Elliot, Billy faces a serious conflict within his own family; in order for his dream to be fulfilled, he has to confront the people he loves the most. Billy has to go behind his father’s back to take dance lessons; he takes the money each week to take ballet instead of boxing. Billy knows his father would never accept his desire to dance, but would see him only as “a disgrace to [his]father, a disgrace to those gloves, and a disgrace to the tradition of the boxing club.” Billy’s brother has followed his father into the mines and sees no reason why Billy shouldn’t as well. He is also concerned that Billy’s unconventional behavior may reflect on his own masculinity in a world with clearly defined male/female expectations. Billy’s conflict is shown most dramatically in the scene where he is forced to stand on the table in the kitchen while his father, his brother, and his dance teacher argue about his dancing. Billy stands there powerless to do anything, to speak, to fight back, or to move outside the boundaries of the small world he lives in. The resolution of the conflict comes within the family as his father recognizes his son’s talent. He sacrifices his pride to help him by crossing the picket lines to work at the mines and by supporting Billy’s audition at the ballet school. His brother comes to accept and love Billy for what he can do and the love he wants to have, and Billy is able to fulfill his dream of dancing.