Compare the following sentences:
1. When it got cold, the animals looked for shelter.
2. In October there was frost; the sheep huddled in one corner of the barn for warmth, the cattle in another.
Good writing brings things to life. The second sentence is much more vivid than the first; it puts a clear picture in the mind of the reader. There’s nothing “wrong” with the first sentence. It’s just not as vivid as the second. In your writing, you need to help the reader see, feel, hear, smell, and touch exactly what you mean.
Be as particular as the context allows. The more particular the words, the clearer the pictures you make, and the more accurate you can be in representing feelings. Use “elm” over “tree,” “Nancy” over “girl,” and “nine o’clock” to “evening.”
Choose one of the following ideas and develop the idea into a paragraph, making each detail specific and concrete. (If necessary, review the elements of the paragraph in the Appendix.) Use the numbered sentence as the topic sentence or point of the paragraph, and then develop details to prove the point:
1. My friend is a menace on the road. (use details to clarify his “menacing” behavior)
2. A visitor to my room would learn much about me. (use details of description)
3. So far, school has been nothing but stress. Or at least I have felt little but stress. (use details to show stress)