People meet me and they don’t call me the shy type. I’m pretty open, and I don’t keep many things to myself. Throw me into a conversation, I know when to giggle, when to nod yes and when to nod no. Sometimes I’ll listen and sometimes I wont, but that’s just me, the me I like. I know what to say and when to say it. No problems and no worries. An average day, I wake up, go to school, get my work done, come home and I’m done. I live my life plain and simple. I don’t fly under the radar but I’m not the party animal. Like I said I’m just me.
Another day in the life, I wake up to a dog running around my bed and my mom flicking the lights on. A yawn and a stretch and I’m up, unwillingly of course. I throw on the usual sweatshirt and shorts and into the bathroom I go to start the process of applying my makeup. Only god knows how long that takes. A few steps into the bathroom and something don’t feel right. Thoughts swirl around my head of what it could be but a check in the mirror and nothing appears to be wrong. The continuation of hair and makeup takes a little longer and finally I head downstairs. I get three steps down and I’m stopped. “Sydney, those shorts are way too short. Go back upstairs and put on longer ones.”
Suddenly I turn to my father and these words leave my mouth “No dad, do you realize all the stress you put me through about the dress code around here? This is too short! That’s too low cut! How about telling Austin to pull his pants up every once in awhile. Would that be so much to ask for?” Suddenly I stop and his face turns white and he walks away and in a last breath he mutters “Go change now”. What just happened? What happened to my normal response of okay dad I’m going to change? It’s a strange occurrence that I snap at my Dad but I walk out the door and figure I will apologize later.
A ride to school and I feel a rush in my head and I pain in my stomach but I don’t let it bother me too much. It’s a feeling of a reminder that something must be going wrong. Morning assembly goes by smooth and it’s into chemistry I head. I pop a piece of gum into my mouth and of course a teacher is right there to see it. He hands me the detention and as he turns away my lips begin to move uncontrollably and a few words slip through. “Maybe you should try a piece, it would help with the stench.” Well that gained me a few more days’ detention and a trip into the infamous Mark Thompsons office. A trip to marks office is never the best thing in high school. One foot in and it’s the talk of the town for the next week. Most people walk in, shed a few tears, tell there life story and suddenly everyone feels bad for them after they have talked to mark. But that’s not me, I’m tough, I walk in and walk out, no pain, no heartbreak. “Sydney, lets get this straight, you don’t know why you told the teacher that?” “ M
ark, honestly, it just came out, I don’t know why, it just did.” He looks at me confused but just says okay I understand. “ Please like you understand me, its your job to say you understand but we all know you really don’t. Stop putting up a front of wanting to help bratty high school kids and tell us how you really feel about us because your always begging us to tell you how we really feel.”
Once again, I had cracked. It came from nowhere. A shock to both him and me. I went from the girl who knew the right words to the girl who was an open book. My thoughts were spilling out and I didn’t know how to control them. I had been turning into a monster.
I always had always chosen my words carefully and now my world was turning on me and things were just pouring out. I run to the lunchroom in hope of finding friends and finding a way to fix my little issue. I walk in and see the other Sydney sitting at a table, I run over, sit down, and automatically she can tell something is wrong. She doesn’t ask what’s going on and starts’ explaining how bad her night was last night. Once again my world turned “Your complaining? Do you realize I’ve been snapping at teachers all day? I just told my dad to go pound off, I told mark to get a real job and I told Mr. P his breath stinks. I woke up this morning and my world is going down the drain, and your worried because your dad only didn’t cook the right type of pasta and one of the girls told you that your hair was a little frizzy today. Are you serious?” Suddenly she left. I break down crying and head to the lobby to apologize, only to find a few more girls waiting there to pick me apart one by one.
The old me would have known how to work her way out of this situation, yet I’m a helpless girl standing in the middle of the lobby ready to collapse. No one adult to turn to and no friends to back me up, I’m alone.
I’ve gone from the girl who was smooth with her words to the girl who’s lost in a sentence and struggling to keep control. I work through the next few classes and make my way home avoiding my family and especially my dad. I rush to my bedroom and shut my door. That’s where a new problem had begun. The door swings open and in comes my mom. I try and hold it back but it spills out, “What the hell are you doing? Ever hear of knocking?” I place my hands over my mouth real quick before I let any more come out. Taken back, she sits down on my bed and disregards what I had just said. I break down, tears flow from my eyes and suddenly my mom gives me a hug. “ It will be okay, I talked to the school and Mark. Can you please tell me what’s gong on.”? Like all other previous attempts I explained that I simply didn’t know why I was having these outbursts, they were just occurring. Unexpected and unexplainable, my new cocky and arrogant attitude toward people was getting me into trouble. I had people turning on me left and right. My father was mad at me, My teacher now thinks I'm snotty, the counselor thinks I'm a brat and my best friend now hates me. I can only imagine how bad things will be tomorrow when I wake up and go to school and have to face them all once again.
I go to bed pretty early, it’s been a pretty harsh day and I'm afraid the longer I stay awake the deeper I will dig the hole of trouble I'm in. I wake up the next morning feeling a little better yet I know my mind is only playing a trick on me. I'm expecting the unexpected and I’m preparing for the worst to come. I head downstairs receive a smile from my mom and a “good morning Syd” from my Dad. Shocked by his attitude towards me I go to school with a little bit of hope but still not much. I walk into the lobby and first one I see is Sydney, I try and walk past her avoiding an awkward situation but she runs up to me to tell me about her night last night, just like old times. “I’m confused, why are you talking to me? Don’t you hate me?” “ what are you talking about? Did someone take a few to many happy pills this morning?” We both giggle and walk away. I then realize my drama filled day was only a dream, or should I consider it a nightmare. A nightmare in which I lost my best friend and destroyed relationships that takes years to build. It sucked not knowing what to say and having my words spill out at any point and time, but it only made me realize how lucky I am for not having my life be like and open diary and being able to control my words and emotions.