I just got home from school today and all I can think about is English class. We kept talking about Billy Elliot and how much easier it is being a girl. Boy… how much I would love to be a girl. A boy can only dream, I thought, and proceeded to go to sleep.
I got up like any other day, pushing the snooze button like fifteen times before deciding to actually get up. When I got up and looked around, to my surprise, I saw a completely different room. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I was seeing the right thing. I had purple walls and as my eyes came into focus I saw posters lining the walls of… is that, John Stamos! I couldn’t believe it. Whose room was I in and why did it smell like “Victoria’s Secret, Garden Fragrance”? And why did I know what that was called? I then walked into my bathroom to see myself in the mirror when I let out the loudest, most ear shattering screech I have ever heard. I had no idea I could shout that loud and that annoyingly.
I saw long hair, and o my god… are those… earrings. I knew at that point that I had been transformed into a girl and that there was no way I was going to go to school looking like this. I needed to get ready quickly so I turned on the shower and quickly got in. I went through the normal girl routine of showering. Step one: wash face with crushed apricot facial scrum for ten minutes or until 3 layers of skin have been removed from my face (I don’t want to be oily or to shine). Step two: use favorite loofah to wash body. Step three: Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 37 added vitamins, and then do it again to ensure it’s clean. Step four: now comes passion fruit mint conditioner enhanced with real kiwi. There… done. That was easy.
Now comes make up. Where do I start? I’ve seen my mom do this all the time, I can do it. First is foundation, then cover up, a little blush, some eyeliner and mascara- Ouch, I poked my eye. Eye shadow next and I’m finished. That was simpler than I thought it would be. That was until I looked up at the mirror. Ewe, I’m so ugly. I thought. No one’s going to want to talk to me, I mean just look at me. My hips are huge, and I hate my calves. Ugh, and these nail beds. Don’t even get me started about my man shoulders. My hairline is so weird and my pores are huge.
Wait... Why do I care about all of this stuff? Oh yea, I’m a girl now. It’s part of our code. Time to get dressed. Well, it’s about 75 degrees outside so I think I will wear my light brown Uggs with this cute skirt and that little top. Oh, the school will probably tell me to put on a jacket or something because I am showing more skin than what is “appropriate”. I better wear these light blue Uggs with those new leggings that I just got that look like leather but they are really not. I’ll wear a long sleeve shirt with that… perfect.
I’ll blend right in. Now no one will notice that I have been a guy for the past fifteen years of my life. I can talk about Twilight and how good Edward looked in the new movie. I’ll be happy being just like everybody else, I guess. Wow, I just realized that no guys care if you know a lot about sports, because you don’t need to, to fit in. You can be a nerd that plays Cod 6 (video game) on their computer all day long and still have plenty of friends. Being a girl, you need to look the part. You can’t come into school wearing a sweat suit and no makeup. You get judged on your looks and if you are different you can be excluded. I wish I never made that wish.