Sunday Family Humour 5th August

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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British Humour

Thanks to Tony H.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a Vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.

At first I was afraid…then I was petrified.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.

When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop at any time.

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.

As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin,

3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.

I thought to myself, 'They've lost the plot…'

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday,

so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70! "Blow this," I thought,

"I can get one cheaper off the web."

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked

if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up.

The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.

I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."

Ha Ha's and a Health Message

Thanks to Jane Mac, Chris A, & Tony H

Ode To Nature

Thanks to Lee

No Sir, Officer. We've just been fishing

Thanks to Ray O'.

2,000 HP Outboard Inflatable ... Here's the latest drug runner toy from Europe... This thing belts across the English channel 3 times per week and was just a blur on the radar of the British Coast Guard. They were so astonished by the speed of the unknown craft, they brought in a special high speed helicopter to chase it. Drugs were found on board. Of course, you'd have to be on drugs to put the throttle down on this rig.

New Toy

Thanks to Captain Bob.

Personal Hovercraft that flies.

First Dog and Cat

Thanks to Paul S.

The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.

Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

and God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased..

And Dog was happy.

And Cat . .

c didn't care one way or the other.

Step Ladder Rescue

Thanks to Tony H.

More on Page 2

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