Sunday Family Humour 23rd December

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Best Blond Joke

Thanks to Tony H.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to

purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I

decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and

haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and

decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it

for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to

send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the

telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister

telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch

the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it

home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, and

then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word..' Well, after paying for the

bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her

sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to

send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you

want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here

to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word

'comfortable?'

You'll love this..........

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll

read it very slowly.... 'Com-for-da-bul.'

Britain From The Air

Thanks to Jane MacR.

(Great Pictures - may load slowly, but it's worth the wait)

This collection of aerial photographs giving a spectacular bird's eye view of Britain from above has been released to mark the Queen's Jubilee year.

Bustling cities contrast with serene stretches of glorious countryside as sites that might seem ubiquitous from the ground are transformed into unique and wonderful images when viewed from above.

The heart-stopping shots are the work of aerial photographer Jason Hawkes who developed a love of Britain 's varied landscape since taking his first flying lesson 20 years ago.

Perfect location: The Glenfinnan Viaduct in Scotland featured in the Harry Potter films.

Jubilee year: Buckingham Palace dominates the landscape in this aerial view of London

Jolly hockey pics: Pictured from above these sports pitches and the ant like people playing take on a strange geometrical beauty

Field of dreams: The Oval cricket pitch in South London at night

Fun land: A rollercoaster track twists and turns to form an incredible colourful image at this amusement park in Southend-on-Sea .

Looking down on an angel: A rarely seen view of Anthony Gormley's Angel of the North sculpture in Gateshead

Brighton Pier

Hanging out with Nelson: A view looking down on Nelson's Column in London 's Trafalgar Square

Ace view: Centre Court at the Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Club

London suburbs:

Heritage site: A quiet moment at Stonehenge

Nooks and crannies: A lighthouse looks out over a rugged stretch of coast near East Prawle in Devon

Myth and legend: Some believe Glastonbury Tor in Somerset is the final resting place of King Arthur

Bluegrass: A field of Flax in Buckinghamshire takes on magical properties

Wrong turns: Longleat maze near Bath is the largest in Britain

Meanwhile - in Russia

Thanks to David H.

Meanwhile in Russia

Boogie Woogie - I Can Dance

Thanks to Captain Bob.

This is a pianist from Switzerland

who plays some of the best Boogie Woogie anywhere.

He is so BIG over there,

they hold a week-long Boogie Woogie contest every year

and all the best players in the world are invited.

In this video he is joined by 2 amazing dancers....

The male dancer even has a haircut from the forties.

If you can take your eyes off her,

the male dancer is super

. . . never moves his shoulders relative to what his feet and knees are doing.

And the top of his head stays at the same height no matter what.

Turn up the volume, watch, and give it a listen!

FOR THOSE WHO DON'T REMEMBER,

THIS IS HOW THE BOOGIE WOOGIE WAS DONE!

Where Would You Be?

Thanks to Tony H.

Where Would You Be?

WHERE WOULD YOU BE:

IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?

IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?

IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL WAS AWAITING YOU

IF - YOUR BATH WATER HAD BEEN RUN?

IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS OR PETS?

IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU,

WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?

SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?

Well....... HELLOOooo !!!!!!!

YOU'D BE at THE WRONG FIRKIN HOUSE!

Cute

Thanks to David M.

cute

BOEING 797

Thanks to Ray O'.

It can comfortably fly 10,000 Miles (16,000 km) at Mach 0.88 or 654 mph (1,046 km/h)

with 1000 passengers on board !

They have kept this secret long enough.

This shot was taken last month by an amateur photographer.

The BOEING 797 Boeing is preparing this 1000 passenger Jet Liner that could reshape the Air Travel Industry. Its radical "Blended Wing & Fuselage" design has been developed by Boeing in cooperation with NASA Langley Research Centre. The mammoth aircraft will have a wing span of 265 feet compared to 211 feet of its 747, and its been designed to fit within the newly created Air Terminals for the 555 seat Airbus A380, which is 262 feet wide.

The new 797 is Boeing's direct response to the Airbus A380, which has racked up orders for 159 already. Boeing decided to kill its 747X Stretched Super Jumbo in 2003 after little interest was shown for it by Airline Companies, but continued to develop its "Ultimate Airbus Crusher", the 797 at its Phantom Works Research Facility in Long Beach, California. The Airbus A380 had been in the works since 1999 and has accumulated $13 Billion in development costs, which gives Boeing a huge advantage. More so because Airbus is thus committed to the older style tubular structure for their aircraft for decades to come.

There are several big advantages in the "Blended Wing & Fuselage" design, the most important being the "Lift to Drag" ratio which is expected to increase by an amazing 50%, resulting in an overall weight reduction of the aircraft by 25%, making it an estimated 33% more fuel efficient than the A380, and thus making the Airbus's $13 Billion Dollar investment look pretty shaky. "High Airframe Rigidity" is another key factor in the "Blended Wing & Fuselage" technology. It reduces turbulence and creates less stress on the airframe which adds to fuel efficiency, giving the 797 a tremendous 10,000 Mile range with 1,000 passengers on board cruising comfortably at Mach 0.88 or 654 MPH, which gives it another advantage over the tube-and-wing designed A380's 570 MPH.

The exact date ! for introduction of the 797 is as yet unclear, but the battle lines are clearly drawn in the high-stakes war for future civilian aircraft supremacy.

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