Sunday Family Humour 16th December
Steven WrightThanks to David hH.
If you're not familiar
with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite scientist who
once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen
and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently to
most of us……
Here are some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
And the all-time favorite -
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
BEST of NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC 2012Thanks to Paul S.
Japanese Swing BandThanks to Lee
Heaven on EarthThanks to Lee
China's new little car
Thanks to Tony H.
China launches $600 car that will get 258mpg
This is not a joke and they do sell for $600.00.
They won’t be able to make them fast enough--good just to run around town.
Here's a car that will get you back and forth to work on the cheap...
$600 for the car. 258 miles per gallon...
Only a one seater however - Talk about cheap transportation....
Volkswagen's $600 car gets 258 mpg--
It looks like Ford, Chrysler and GM missed the boat again!
This $600 car is no toy and is ready to be released in China next year.
The single seater aero car totes VW (Volkswagen) branding.
Volkswagen did a lot of very highly protected testing of this car in Germany,
But it was not announced until now where the car would make its first appearance
The car was introduced at the VW stockholders meeting as the most economical car in the world is presented.
The initial objective of the prototype was to prove that 1 liter of fuel could deliver 100 kilos of travel.
Spartan interior doesn't sacrifice safety
The aero design proved essential to getting the desired result.
The body is 3.47 meters long
and just 1.25 meters wide, and a little over a meter high.The
prototype was made completely of carbon fiber and is not painted to
The power plant is a one cylinder diesel, positioned ahead of the rear axle and combined with an automatic shift controlled by a knob in the interior.
Safety was not compromised as the impact and roll-over protection is comparable to the GT racing cars.
The Most Economic Car in the World will be on sale next year:
Better than Electric Car – 258 miles/gallon: IPO 2010 in Shanghai
This is a single-seat car
From conception to production: 3 years and the company is headquartered in Hamburg , Germany .
Will be selling for 4000 Yuan, equivalent to US $600..
Gas tank capacity = 1.7 gallons
Speed = 62 – 74.6 Miles/hour
Fuel efficiency = 258 miles/gallon
Travel distance with a full tank = 404 miles
24 Terrific ThingsThanks to Ray O'.
GratitudeThanks to Forbidden TV
More on Page 22012 special page 3