Sunday Family Humour 16th December



Steven Wright

Thanks to David hH.

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite  scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently to most of us……

Here are some of his gems:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. 

34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.


And the all-time favorite -


35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

 

 


BEST of NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC 2012

Thanks to Paul S.

BEST of NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC 2012-1.pps




Japanese Swing Band

Thanks to Lee

Japanese swing band



Heaven on Earth

Thanks to Lee


Heaven on Earth2.pps





China's new little car

Thanks to Tony H.


                     
This is not a joke and they do sell for $600.00. 
They won’t be able to make them  fast enough--good just to run around town.
Here's a  car that will get you back and forth to work on the  cheap...
$600 for the car. 258 miles per  gallon...

Only a one seater however - 
Talk about cheap  transportation.... 
Volkswagen's $600 car gets 258  mpg--

It looks like Ford, Chrysler and GM missed the  boat again!

 

China's car 1

China launches $600  car that will get 258mpg

This $600 car is no toy and is  ready to be released in China next year.

The  single seater aero car totes VW (Volkswagen)  branding.

Volkswagen did  a lot of very highly protected testing of this car in  Germany,
But it was not announced until now where the  car would make its first  appearance

The car  was introduced at the VW stockholders meeting as the  most economical car in the world is  presented.

The initial objective of the  prototype was to prove that 1 liter of fuel could  deliver 100 kilos of  travel.

China's car 2

Spartan interior doesn't  sacrifice safety

The aero  design proved essential to getting the desired  result.
The body is 3.47 meters long and  just 1.25 meters wide, and a little over a meter  high.The prototype was made completely of carbon fiber  and is not painted to save  weight.

The  power plant is a one cylinder diesel, positioned ahead  of the rear axle
 and combined with an automatic  shift controlled by a knob in the  interior.

Safety was not  compromised as the impact and roll-over protection is  comparable to the GT racing  cars.

China's car 3

The Most Economic Car in the  World will be on sale next year:

Better than Electric Car – 258  miles/gallon: IPO 2010 in Shanghai
This is a  single-seat car 
From conception to production: 3  years and the company is headquartered in Hamburg ,  Germany .
Will be selling for 4000 Yuan, equivalent  to US $600..
Gas tank capacity = 1.7 gallons  
Speed = 62 – 74.6 Miles/hour
Fuel efficiency = 258  miles/gallon
Travel  distance with a full tank = 404 miles


24 Terrific Things

Thanks to Ray O'.


24TRULYTERRIFICTHINGS-OHTEIKBIN.PPS




Gratitude

Thanks to Forbidden TV

Gratitude




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2012 special page 3


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