Sunday Family Humour 21st October Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 21st October Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
DUI
Thanks to Ray O'.
I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving. As you well know, we have been extremely lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from our various weekend outings over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with an Irish Coffee. Not a good idea. Knowing full well that I was slightly over the limit, I did something that I've never done before: I took a taxi home.
Sure enough, I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise. I have never driven a taxi before and am not sure where I got it.
UNUSUAL VEHICLES
Thanks to Ray M.
British Weather Photography
Thanks to David H.
For many, it is a hobby that would require far too much patience.
But one photographer waits for hours just to capture the perfect images of storm clouds breaking.
Kris Dutson, 53, has spent ten years scouting out the ideal locations across Britain to capture the most astonishing atmospheric shots on his camera as rainfalls.
Perfect rainbow: Kris Dutson's most recent photograph taken at North Poorton, Dorset. Following heavy rain last month this brilliant rainbow formed
Remarkable: Clouds pile up over a hill top on a bright day at Colmers Hill, Bridport in Dorset. The photographer spends hours researching the best locations to capture cloud pictures
He carries meteorological charts and a sun compass with him and will patiently wait for clouds to break before capturing the perfect shot.
Kris, from Compton Valence, near Dorchester, Dorset, scours the countryside for the most beautiful and interesting scenes to shoot.
He sometimes waits for months on end before returning to a particular spot at the right time of year to catch these astonishing images.
One of his incredible photos shows a perfectly-formed rainbow stretching across vivid green fields, glowing in front of a moody grey sky.
Another captures billowing white cumulus clouds rising imposingly behind the deep green peaks of Colmer's Hill, near Bridport, Dorset.
Storm clouds gather: Rain approaching the cliffs at Burton Bradstock in south west Dorset. Patient Kris often waits for hours before taking a photograph
Red sky at night: The sun sets over Colmer' Hill in Bridport, Dorset with a covering of cloud overhead. The beautiful glowing skyline was caused by the ash cloud which caused airline chaos
Beauty spot: Stunning picture of Lulworth Cove on the Jurassic Coast at dusk as rain clears. The site attracts one million visitors a year - but few see a sunset as beautiful as this
Others show sinister grey clouds gathering above fields of barley, daisies and rape, while others capture the striking cloud formations above the Jurassic coastline.
One striking image captures a full moon illuminating mist as it rolls over fields, and another shows a stunning panoramic view across Hardy country.
Father-of-four Kris, who has been a photographer for 30 years, said: 'I must be one of the only people in the country hoping for rain.
'I like a nice bright, sunny day to go to the beach, but when I hear people grumbling about the forecast I do rub my hands together with glee.
'My pictures are all based around the weather and the atmosphere it creates - it's absolutely key.
'If it's bright and sunny with blue skies, most people can take a nice picture but they're quite bland.
'But the moody weather enhances the landscape and gives it a feeling. Dark clouds and patchy sunlight makes it atmospheric.
Dark skies: Rain clouds gather over the Mynydd Moel mountain in the Cader Idris range in north Wales. The top of the mountain is completely covered
Beautiful darkness: Moonlit valleys in Compton Valence, Dorset. When most people stay indoors weather nut Kris spends hours out and about waiting for the rain to clear or a break in the clouds to get the perfect shot
Dramatic scenes: A rainbow at the Devils Dyke near Brighton West Sussex, left, and sunset after a storm on Pulpit Rock, Portland Bill in Dorset, right
The white cliffs of... Sussex: A storm clearing from the Seven Sisters cliffs near Eastbourne on the English Coast
'I travel around Dorset a lot and whenever I come across a location I think might work for a picture I mark it on my sat nav.
'I carry a sun compass, which looks like a credit card with marks around the side, which will tell me what time the sun rises and sets at each point throughout the year.
'Sometimes I think a particular shot will work at dawn, but the sun might not be in the right place for the next six months, so I'll make a note of it in my diary and come back.
'I'll check the weather forecast to see when there will be the right conditions, such as dark clouds in the sky. Sometimes the weather doesn't play ball, so I'll go back the following year.
'I can't compromise or cut corners, so there's a lot of planning and science behind each shot. I need to be very patient, but it's worth it.
'Getting the right shot on the day can take anywhere between minutes and hours.
'I'm very lucky.'
Home Counties: A storm brews over a field of barley in Wiltshire close to Sixpenny Handley in a dramatic image caught by photographer Kris Dutson who has spent a decade capturing these images
Daybreak: Dawn breaks over Portland Bill in Dorset in another image by the photographer on the South Coast
Storm approaching: Rain clouds approach Chesil beach, Portland, in Dorset. Far left, the sky remains blue - but thick black clouds are coming in
In-coming storm: Panoramic view of rain blowing in from the west across Eggardon Hill,
close to Bridport, Dorset taken by Kris Dutson
Poser or Talent
Thanks to Ray M.
APHORISMS FOR THE YEAR
Thanks to David H.
It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.
You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.
We have enough "youth".
How about a fountain of "smart"?
The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.
A Fool and his money
can throw one heck of a party
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.
LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
Alabama state motto:
At least we're not Mississippi
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.
The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population
"You know why a banana is like a politician?"
"He comes in and first he is green,
then he turns yellow
and then he's rotten."
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors."
The reason Politicians try so
hard to get re-elected is that they
would 'hate' to have to make a living
under the laws they've passed.
Hot Rods From the 1950s
Thanks to David H.
Nanosecond Photos
Thanks to Lee
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Hash House Harriers
The Hash House Harriers (abbreviated to HHH, H3, or referred to simply as Hashing)
is an international group of non-competitive running, social and drinking clubs,
whose organisation and mismanagement have existed for over 50 years.
Visit relaxing Laos
Vientiane Hashes run every Saturday and Monday
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