PCT - Pacific Crest Trail

HYOH - I'm right, and you'll probably perish if you don't follow my

advice.

LOL - I don't have a real life, much less a girlfriend.

Trail Magic - 3 grape Skittles found in the dirt along the trail

Trail Angel - Someone who tosses Skittles in the dirt along the trail

Zero - A well-deserved day of complete rest spent hustling all over the

place trying to get back on the trail

Postholing - A low impact aerobic activity everyone can enjoy

Water cache - A little bit like a miracle, but a little bit like a

lottery ticket

Halfmile - A mythical god

Nero - Why whole chocolate cakes should be very, very afraid.

Heet - a liquid that burns very hot that cannot actually be seen

burning, making it one of the most sensible fuels out there.

Base pack weight - Always more than the good hikers, and less than the

bad hikers. Say 3 pounds.

Gram weenies - Vienna sausages

LNT - You leave Mexico weighing 160, eat 300 lbs. of food, drink 1000

liters of water, and arrive at the Canadian border weighing 148. And

you left no trace?

DEET - PCT survivors know what this is.

Boots - An ancient artifact, true purpose unknown.

Smartwool - A sheep that has the common sense to stay away from

thru-hikers.

GPS - A battery powered device without which thru-hiking would not be

possible. See "LOL."

Doug

Did you guys ever wonder why there are more male hikers than female hikers?

It could be for the following reasons.

TEN REASON WHY "HIKER DUDES" ARE HAPPIER CAMPERS THAN "HIKER BABES"

1. We never get pregnant

2. It does not matter if our legs are hairy

3. We never have strap problems

4. We can light a stove without starting a forest fire

5. Our underwear is warmer

6. We can do our nails with a pocket knife

7. We can pee without getting out of the tent on a rainy night

8. We don't need to carry birth control pills or tampons

9. We don't need to put our hair up in curlers

10. We can hike topless

NO WONDER HIKER DUDES ARE HAPPIER CAMPERS

JMT Reinhold

The happy camper

Tom Aterno

In response to Reinhold's email, Sharrel held me on the ground and then forced me to post this...

I want my mommy.

Things for guys to remember:

1. She-Wee now available for those girls who what to pee standing up.

2. Very young women, Anna "Charmin" is an example, are able to do everything they did.

3. Gals have choice of lots of hot guys on the trail, that actually respect women, if they so desire.

4. Gals have less trouble hitching a ride.

5. Gals don't have to waste time hooting their own horn to feel OK about themselves.

6. We look and smell better on the trail, even with hairy legs.

7. Our meals are far superior.

8. Don't have to get pregnant if we don't want to and tampon on trail can be a thing of the past (what generation are they from?).

9. Weaker sex actually have more endurance.

10. Can outrun and thus avoid Reinhold and Switchback.

11. Unwashed ba**s stink.

Real story by Andrea Dinsmore PCT MOM

Very well said............I tell all my new friends how we fell into the

hiker family. Jerry called me from Skykomish one day and asked if he could

bring 4 hikers home. We had never heard of the Pacific Crest Trail. Had no

idea who, what or where. The stink.....Holy Cow. Couldn't believe a human or

animal could be so potent. Anyhow, these guys who looked like they'd been

living under a bridge forever, turned out to be 3 attorneys and a Dr. That's

when our education started. Don't judge a book by it's cover.....wait until

they open their mouths. Well, most of the time that works. If you think

someone is homeless.....you might be able to lend a hand. The dirt washes

off......the friendship may last forever.

One last last joke.

Switchback pulled into Kennedy Meadows and went to the General Store for some hard earned beer. He sat at a table by himself. The waitress came over and asked, "What'll ya have?" Switchback replied, "Bring me three beers." The waitress came back with the three beers. Switchback drank the first beer, then the second, then the third. The waitress came by again and asked, "What else can I get for ya?" He replied, "Bring me three more beers, please." The waitress said, "You know I can bring you those beers one at a time. That way they'll say nice and cold for ya."

"Well," he said, "I usually hike with my two hiking buddies, TrailTrollop and KrustyThong. We hiked the AT together, the CDT together, and the Colorado trail together. They couldn't come on this trek, so at every town I order a beer for them and drink it for them in their honor." The waitress says, "That's real sweet," and gets him the three more beers.

After drinking the last of those three beers, Switchback gets a call. After the call he looks all down and depressed. The waitress comes by and asks, "Anything else?" He says, "Bring me two more beers, please." The waitress notices how sad he looks and notes that he only wants two beers now. "Oh no", she exclaims, "That call you got. Did one of your hiking buddies die?"

Switchback looks up at her sadly and says, "No, that was my doctors office. He wants me to give up drinking."

TrialHacker

Our intrepid hiker trash, Grizzly, went to the doctor. The doctor looked at his chart and said, "I can't believe you are 75! You're in fantastic shape."

Grizzly replies, "I'm a backpacker. All that up and down hill hiking keeps me in shape."

And the doctor said, "How old was your father when he died?"

"Who said my father's dead!?!?"

"Well, how old is he?"

"He's 95."

"And where is he?"

"Out on the trail. He is doing a Yo-Yo of the PCT.

"Wow! How old was your grandfather when he died?"

"Who said my grandfather's dead!?!?"

"Well, how old is he?"

"He's 115."

"And where is he? Out on the trail?"

"No. He had to come into town to get married today."

"Why would a 115-year old man want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to get married.”

------------------------------------------------------------

\section{Trail Humor}

強迫性ハイキング障害。毎日、仕事中はハイキングのことを、ハイキング中はハイキングのことを考え続ける精神障害。遺伝規定性が強く、若くして発症し、老齢まで治癒困難。一ヶ月以上のスルーハイクで、一時的に病態は良くなるが、悪化することが多い。近年、新しい精神疾患として注目されている。

Dear Shroomer

You are too talkative or made too much writing.

Compulsive Hiking Disorder ( CHD ) is a new diagnostic category, so I

simply disclose my thinking.

// Symptoms

They are occupied by the obsessive thinking of hiking or hiking

related equipments, events, etc. When they were prohibited to hike,

they tend to indulge daydream of hiking, or they develop a syndrome of

flashbacks of hiking. So, it is very difficult to sustain their

strong hiking drive.

//Major complaints

They frequently fuss about when they missed the free beer, the free

Hamburger, the free BBQ, etc. Then the more social welfare is needed,

for example, the trail angels, especially the free beer angels.

// interpersonal relation

The interpersonal relation is quite good among the CHD patients, but

the interpersonal relation among another patients is unknown.

The mental disorders of human kind are divided into two major

category: The representative disorder is CHD, and another disorder is

called the Couch Potato Disorder(CPD). The recent handbook of DSM-IV

only described the subdivision of CPD. So, much is left unknown about

CHD.

// Treatment

Their prognoses are poor, because CHD might be caused by the strong

genes. The patients, who got CHD in their young age, tend to develop

more serious syndrome. The patients, who got CHD in old age, tend to

develop more mild syndrome.

There is no established treatment technique. But, there is a

possibility to treat CHD, because the compulsive drive can be

suppressed by the strong physical activity.

The treatment technique is :

for Ultra Light Hiker: The patients should hike more swiftly, with

more simple, more light equipments. Then the physical stress will be

maximized.

for Heavy Trucker: The patients should hike moderate speed, with

more load, more complex equipments. Then the physical stress will be

maximized.

Of course, need very long term treatment is needed. It may be a

6,000,000 step or more program.

Sorry, my patients, the trail head of JMT Hospital is full. I am not

sure I can fly to USA in August. But, I will try my best.

// Reinhold もMORONIC HIKING DISORDERと命名していた。Moronicは間抜けの意味。翻訳すると、痴呆性ハイキング障害か

Unsupported JMT Reinhold writes: Some guys on this list are fruitier than fruit cakes.....nuttier than the nuttiest corn nuts.......probably the result of to many nights at high elevation resulting in oxygen deprivation, which in turn causes brain cells to die, which in turn gives rise to a condition known in medical circles as "MORONIC HIKING DISORDER"....very frequently associated with long distance hiking......can be fatal if left untreated.......seek medical help immediately. Wheeeeeeeeeeeew "GAIL" is a nurse and may be familiar with this disorder and might be able to offer advice. ------------------------------------------------------ Switchback replies: I resemble that remark. I was planning on giving a talk tomorrow in Long Beach, CA on "Moronic Disorders and the PCT Hiker". I was going to cover the history, treatment, and long term effects of this common trail malady. There are many PCT hikers, especially thru hikers, who exhibit recurring symptoms. They find the need to wear their old PCT hiking clothes around the house. They want to campout in their backyard in their hiking shelter. They play endlessly with their gear --- packing and repacking. They search the Internet ruthlessly seeking new gear ideas. Cabin fever hits them harder than with normal folks, who often don't even know what that is. Receiving an REI gift certificate is one of their happiest moments. Yes, the old Moronic Hiking Disorder syndrome. Well known and the scourge of the hiking community. Sincerely, Dr. Switchback "If people persist in trespassing upon the grizzlies' territory, we must accept that the grizzlies, from time to time, will harvest a few trespassers." --- Edward Abbey

//詩のような名文。まあ、難しいけど。

Mr. Shroomer,

As agreed upon I am writing to you with a progress report on Patient UL-7.6,

trail name: "Jackass". I have taken the time to transcribe the pertinent

minutes of today's session with UL-7.6 below, in his own words, to

demonstrate the effectiveness of "The Treatment".:

" Today is a good day, doc.

The past week I had been suffering from an acute case of Feb-itis. Due to a

previous outbreak last year at this same time I was quick to recognize the

"itis" as it set in on me. My energy was low, my mood turbid as the clouds

that had oppressively settled onto the mountain peaks out my window. My eyes

had swollen to mere slits from squinting, my finger tips calloused. My once

bronzed skin had taken on a frightful sallow color. I did not recognize and

found myself a stranger in my mirror without that once magnificent gray and

brown flowing beard that had graced these now sunken cheeks. Muscular

atrophy had set in and the tendons in my piston strong legs felt like spent

rubber bands. It felt as though gravel had been poured into my joints. My

mid-section increasing at an alarming rate, now turgid, I wondered aloud,

'am I retaining water?' I found myself short of breath as I climbed the

stairs to my cloister and I even began to consider carrying a GG carbon

fiber trekking pole to make these climbs easier on my swollen knees.

My mental state was in shambles and I was at a loss for succor from my old

standby solutions to these dark thoughts. No longer did checking gear sites

for new and lighter equipment relive my malaise. Patching my old pack

brought me no joy. Watching Squatch's videos only brought tears to my

already swollen eyes...and when I brushed last years dust from my Lowas...I

collapsed into a fit of sobbing that frightened my lovely gal...I'll tell ya

doc., hard times...hard times...

Now doc. I'll tell ya sumptin else. As you know this will be my seventh

summer since you diagnosed me with CHD and as you also know, I rarely have a

crisis eight month out of the year... but when this flare-up of Feb-itis set

in, I thought I was done for. That's when I dug deep and remembered the sage

words of my gracious sponsor, Shroomer. Now doc. I know ya heard this all

before but at my lowest moment I heard my friends voice, like it was from on

high. It began as a faint whisper that grew to a manic roar... repeating,

repeating with vigor, "work your steps, work your steps, it gets better!" In

my crippling despair, my darkest moment...I reached deep...deep into that

hiker soul that burns within me...and found the strength to rouse myself

from my pillow...and doc. I clung to my friends burning call...I began

workin them steps!

I stepped to my closet and found some wool garments. I stepped into my

NorthFace boots and tied them snug. I grabbed hold of my honey and stepped

her out the door. I stepped into my snowshoes and fastened the bindings

tight. I took a few deep breaths...and here it comes doc....I started

steppin my way up the back valley towards the crest of crags east of my

home. Now I know yer not gunna believe this but at that moment the sun broke

from behind a peak on that crest. Shone down on us in all its warmth and

beauty with an intensity that kindled the coals of my being. With each step

I could feel this Feb-itis receding into the recesses of my conflicted

soul. Before long my gal and I had stepped all the way to the trails end,

the crest's knife edge. The jagged Wasatch range lay before us awash in snow

and sun. A lone Raven, on the wing, called down to us in that moment and

doc....I knew what he was squawkin at me, as if cawed in tongue..."Spring,

Spring, Spring"...in my heart I knew that from his lofty height within that

gleaming sun, he could see it. Spring was cummin. It was cummin doc. And at

that moment I felt a release as if that Feb-itis was a demon cast out of my

body by the hand of the Trail God; cast upon the frigid winds that now drew

tears from my once crusted eyes. Tears of joy in the knowledge that this

winter would end. The red and green and purple flowers of the prickly pear

would soon begin to bud, the Utah bees would waken from their slumber and

would soon lay drunkenly in those flowers...stoned in the warmth of spring's

sun.

Now doc. I know that kickin this 'itis' doesn't mean that I'm cured of my

CHD...Hell, I may never be cured. Yet I know it...like that spectral lone

voice of my sponsor...like I knew the message of the Raven...like I know the

feel of the trail tread beneath my feet...that if I keep workin my steps,

it'll get easier...just a little easier...and doc....that's all I'm askin

for."

Regards,

Dr. Bill E. Goat, D.D.

Greg Hummel

Restless Leg Syndrome Support Society

All come in and it is my pleasure to welcome you to the 200th Bi-Monthly Meeting of the Restless Leg Syndrome Support Society.

All rise and repeat our oath; "I have RLS, YOU have RLS, WE ALL HAVE RLS AND WE NEED TO LET IT OUT!!"

All please bow their heads for a moment of silence for our inspirational leader; John Muir, and for our beloved founder; Colin Fletcher

Secretary please read the minutes from our last meeting.

Secretary, "Uh, there are no minutes as everyone left to go walking".

Ah, now what do we do? (sound of the door closing as the secretary heads out)

Sitting at my desk this afternoon, my legs began kicking my feet uncontrollably into the underside of my desk. My palms began to sweat and my eyes dilated, I began frothing at the mouth and strangely my pulse began to slow. I called 911 and described my symptoms and they referred me to some so-called experts in multi-step programs called ALDHA-West. My cell phone rung and I answered to find myself on the other line! Damn, what do I do now! So, thinking fast I prescribed a 5,000 step program after lunch in the green hills outside of my office. Amazingly, this cleared my head and all of my symptoms and now my RLS has subsided to a more manageable level.

Thank goodness for ALDHA-West!

Scot Bryce

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good

meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later,

Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: “Watson, look

up and tell me what you see”.

Watson said: “I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars”.

Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a moment: “Astronomically, it tells me that there

are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce

that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I

can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and

insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful

day tomorrow.”

“Why? – What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: “Someone has stolen our tent.

JM

The National Forrest Service is advising hikers on the Pacific Crest Trail and

other West Coast remote areas to be alert for bears and take extra precautions

to avoid an encounter. They advise hikers to wear little bells on their clothes

so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming

from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them.

This might cause a bear to charge.

Hikers should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered.

Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensitive nose and it

will run away.

It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an

idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference

between black bear and grizzly bear scat:

* Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and

possibly bits of fur.

* Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.

"Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."

CHUCK CHELIN

Thru-hikers Daisy Mae and ‘Lil Abner hit town for resupply and, predictably,

their first stop was at Ye Olde Family Restaurant. After seating them, the

server asked, “What’ll it be for you folks today?”

‘Lil Abner replied, “First bring a pitcher of beer and two orders of those

hot wings. Then, bring two of the roast beef dinner specials, with lots of

extra bread and butter. With one dinner, bring a Chef’s Salad just

smothered with Ranch Dressing and, with the other, bring a big bowl of the

bean and bacon soup with extra crackers. To drink, bring two of the

super-size, extra thick milkshakes – one strawberry and one chocolate. For

desert, make it a big square of that triple-fudge chocolate cake totally

covered with whipped cream and a slice of the pecan pie with two scoops of

vanilla.”

The server thanked them and turned to leave when ‘Lil Abner said, “Hey, wait

a minute. You haven’t gotten her order yet!”

- 元のメッセージを表示 -

--わかりやすい

hiker97 at aol.com hiker97 at aol.com

Fri Apr 9 15:17:02 CDT 2010

One day at trail angel stop-over, let's call it Hiker Homestead, a bunch of dirty thru-hikers come walking in. They had just come in off of Section D of the PCT. It had been a hard grinding hike with a hot sun and even deep snow on parts of the trail. They had faced everything to get to Hiker Homestead and the welcoming hostess. Let's call her Thunder Bolt.

Thunder Bolt was famous for washing the clothes of ragged hikers coming in off the trail. When she met this particular group she was amazed at the overwhelming smell. It set a new record at Hiker Homestead for offensiveness. The hikers were really hungry, so without delay she said she would whip up some her world famous hiker stew. But first she asked that they at least change their underwear before coming to the patio table for the feast.

So without delay they took off to the nearby trailer. Once inside they quickly discussed what to do to please the wonderful Thunder Bolt. The solution was how hikers think after long on the trail. Grizzly trade his underwear with Trail Blazer. Splash traded his underwear with Gorp. And Chung traded his with Jester. But poor Switchback was not wearing any underwear, so he didn't get any vittles.

---ホームレスとバックパッカーの区別が付かない小話

Say gang,

How do you tell a "Homeless Bum" from "Hiker Trash"?

The other day I saw what I thought was a real grubby looking homeless

bum at a McDonalds, so I bought an extra hamburger for him.

After giving him the burger I noticed he was wearing a real modern

hi-tech, internal frame pack with all the bells and whistels.

Afterwards I started thinking, was that a homeless bum or was it a hiker?

Everybody knows that after a few days on the trail it is hard to

distinguish a bum from a grubby hiker.

So "HOW" do you tell a homeless bum from a scuzzy, grubby, on the

trail to long, homeless hiker???

It appears that homeless bums are cleaner,better dressed and less

malnourished than scuzzy, grubby, on the trail to long, homeless hikers.

--------------------------------------

In a message dated 9/8/2007 10:13:06 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time, Hiker97

writes:

Unsupported Reinhold writes: DOWN BOYS.......DOWN BOYS.......I know the

hiking season is almost over, everybody is getting nervous and tensions are

running high......where is all the backpacking camaraderie and brotherly love?

Where are you Switchback???......We need some comedy and trail humor to put

everybody in a better frame of mind. Give us your best stuff and you better

make it quick!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Switchback replies: Normally, I do not post hiking humor over at the PCT-L,

but over at PostHoler.com and my forum Switchback Unchained. But as a public

service I offer the following. I thank you.

----------------------------------------------------------------

The old backpacker, Rough and Ready, goes hiking on the PCT with his dog,

Snack Bar.

One day in camp, Snack Bar, starts chasing butterflies and before long

discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a mountain lion heading

rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

Old Snack Bar thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones

on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones

with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the lion is about to leap Snack Bar exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was

one delicious mountain lion! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of

terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the lion,

"That was close! That old backpacker dog nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a marmot who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby

rock, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection

from the lion.

So off he goes, but the old dog sees him heading after the lion with great

speed, and figures that something must be up. The marmot soon catches up with

the mountain lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the

lion.

The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, marmot,

hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old dog sees the lion coming with the marmot on his back and

thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with

his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. Just when

they get close enough to hear, the old dog says,

"Where's that darn marmot? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another

mountain lion!"

Moral of this story....Don't mess with old backpackers or their dogs. Age

and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

----おとぎ話をバックに、三つのお願いをかなえるカエルの話

A trail babe was out hiking one day. After awhile she stepped off the trail into the woods searching for the "Ladies". On the way back to the trail, she found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The trail babe freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The trail babe said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The trail babe replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. Think of all the hiking trips she could take in exotic locations!

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The trail babe said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."

So, KAZAM she's the richest trail babe in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Trail babes are clever bitches. Don't mess with us!

--わかりにくい、ちょっと下品

From: hiker97 at aol.com <hiker97 at aol.com>

Subject: Trail Humor - Rating Trailtown Women

To: pct-l at backcountry.net

Date: Monday, April 12, 2010, 1:53 PM

One day a bunch of male PCT hikers were having some cold brews and hot pizza at the local trailtown saloon. As happens in these situations, their conversation turned to the many women in the saloon dancing and socializing with the other bros.

Soon Trail Dust and her hiking partner, Song Bird, walk in and sit down near the hikers. They order some salads and chips and dip. They soon are into some sisterhood conversations.

The male hikers are now commenting on the women and who had the best figures and prettiest smiles. They pick out the ones who they would like to hike with on the trail.

Finally, they get around to rating the women. The conversation turns to who has the best rear ends.

Grizzly says, "I have heard that 30\% of women think their a-- is too fat."

YoYo responds, "Well, that may be true, but I have heard that 10\% think their a? is too skinny."

Finally, Trail Dust can take it no longer. She gets into her anti-Neanderthal mode.

"Excuse me gentlemen. I could not help overhearing your conversations. Let me say that you are probably right about the 30\% and the 10\%. Congratulations, that is very insightful."

"But the remaining 60\% say they do not care. They love him anyway and they wouldn’t trade him in for the world."

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, cough, cough.

Switchback comes through again with a super funny zinger. Kickoff site No.22 will be a continual laugh fest. Burp! Pardon.

---難しくて意味が分からない

Our intrepid trail hero, Grizzly, decided to go down to the local trailtown saloon and have a few with his trail bros.

After he sits down the conversation turns to problems with their better-halfs.

As Grizzly looks down at his brew, he says, "How many men does it take to open a beer anyway?"

Switchback replies, "None. It should be open when she brings it."

"Say, How do you fix a woman's watch?"

Gorp responds, "You don't. There is a clock on the oven."

Old Geezer observes, "I married Miss Right. I just did not know her first name was Always. I have not spoken to her in 18 months because I did not want to interrupt her."

Trail Stomper joins in. "Well, my misses and I had a fight last night. She asked me what was on TV and I said dust."

Unsupported says, "Do you know why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who cannot even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you."

Grizzly states, "Hold on. I think we are being Male Chauvinist Pigs. Say, what is worse than that?"

Switchback replies, "A woman that won't do what she's told."

hiker97 at aol.com hiker97 at aol.com

Sun Apr 4 12:16:49 CDT 2010

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Trail Dust was getting lonely after Grizzly ran off with a younger trail babe. She decides to place an ad in the local trailtown paper.

"Husband wanted. Must be a non-drinker, non-smoker, no knocking me around, no running around on me, and very virile. Must apply in person."

Lots of suitors visit her cabin, but everyone of them had some deficit.

Then one day she hears the doorbell ring. She goes to answer it, but to her dismay, she sees an old PCT backpacker with too many miles on his boots. He is in a wheelchair and has graying hair. Then she notices he has no arms or legs.

He says, "I am here to answer your ad."

Trail Dust says, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!

The old hiker smiles, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!, plus I do not drink or smoke anymore."

Trail Dust snorted, "You don't have any arms either!"

Again, the old hiker smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still very virile???"

The old PCT backpacker leaned back in his wheelchair with a big smile, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?

---------------------------------------------------------

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Another trail zinger by Switchback. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ........... cough, cough, cough.

Trail Dust says, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!

The old hiker smiles, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!, plus I do not drink or smoke anymore."

Trail Dust snorted, "You don't have any arms either!"

Again, the old hiker smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still very virile???"

The old PCT backpacker leaned back in his wheelchair with a big smile, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?

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Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Another trail zinger by Switchback. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ........... cough, cough, cough.

Tarvalee at aol.com Tarvalee at aol.com

Sat Sep 8 14:02:44 CDT 2007

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In a message dated 9/8/2007 10:13:06 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time, Hiker97

writes:

Unsupported Reinhold writes: DOWN BOYS.......DOWN BOYS.......I know the

hiking season is almost over, everybody is getting nervous and tensions are

running high......where is all the backpacking camaraderie and brotherly love?

Where are you Switchback???......We need some comedy and trail humor to put

everybody in a better frame of mind. Give us your best stuff and you better

make it quick!!!

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Switchback replies: Normally, I do not post hiking humor over at the PCT-L,

but over at PostHoler.com and my forum Switchback Unchained. But as a public

service I offer the following. I thank you.

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The old backpacker, Rough and Ready, goes hiking on the PCT with his dog,

Snack Bar.

One day in camp, Snack Bar, starts chasing butterflies and before long

discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a mountain lion heading

rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

Old Snack Bar thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones

on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones

with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the lion is about to leap Snack Bar exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was

one delicious mountain lion! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of

terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the lion,

"That was close! That old backpacker dog nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a marmot who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby

rock, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection

from the lion.

So off he goes, but the old dog sees him heading after the lion with great

speed, and figures that something must be up. The marmot soon catches up with

the mountain lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the

lion.

The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, marmot,

hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old dog sees the lion coming with the marmot on his back and

thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with

his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. Just when

they get close enough to hear, the old dog says,

"Where's that darn marmot? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another

mountain lion!"

Moral of this story....Don't mess with old backpackers or their dogs. Age

and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

PCT Trail Humor

After coming in off the trail to resupply at a PCT trailtown, a group of hikers went down to the local saloon to

have some cold brews and hot pizzas. The conversation eventually turned to nature, hiking, and the meaning of life. A

discussion develops about religion.

Mountain Lion says, "There are 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: He called everyone brother, he liked Gospel

and he didn't get a fair trial."

Grizzly responds, "Well, that is true, but I think he was Jewish. He went into His Father's business, he lived at home until he was 33,

and he was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God."

YoYo joins in and says, "Those are good points, but I think he was Italian. He talked with His hands, he had wine with His meals, and

he used olive oil."

Switchback says, "But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: he never cut His hair, he walked

around barefoot all the time, and he started a new religion."

Hogan responds, "Wow, you guys have some interesting points, but I know he was American Indian: he was at peace with nature,

he ate a lot of fish, and he talked about the Great Spirit."

Clover says, "But I think Jesus was Irish: he never got married, he was always telling stories, and he loved green pastures."

After patently listening to all this, Trail Dust decides she has to set the record straight.

"You guys are a bunch of fools. Jesus was a woman. She fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food,

she kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it, and lastly even when she was dead, she had

to get up because there was still work to do."

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Posted by Jason O'Brien at 8:56 AM