How to Make Friends in the New School Year

1. Don’t ever talk to them. 

Just send signals to each other. They should know what you mean if they are truly your friend. Mindreading is something that comes with friendship. 

2. Avoid them at all costs. 

School is a place where you should avoid all human interaction. To make new friends, you need to ensure that they know that you respect them during school and don’t bother them. 

3. Don’t contact them outside of school. 

New friends shouldn’t require any effort, especially outside of school. To make sure they know that you really want to be friends with them, you need to not contact them.

4. When they ask for advice, don’t give it. 

Friends should not advise each other at all. Having friends is just about the name, and should require the pressure of helping them. 

5. Never smile around them. 

Smiles make people feel good. Friends shouldn’t do that for each other. 

Overall, friendship should just be for the name. It should require no effort and no communication whatsoever. Good luck making friends this year!

*Disclamer, this is satire. Please do not take this seriously*