Sexual Health
Sexual Health is defined by the World Health Organization as: "A state of physical, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality. It requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence." (http://www.who.int/topics/sexual_health/en/)
According to the American Sexual Health Organization (http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/sexual-health/), being sexually healthy means you understand and work on the following:
Understanding that sexuality is a natural part of life and involves more than sexual behavior.
Recognizing and respecting the sexual rights we all share.
Having access to sexual health information, education, and care.
Making an effort to prevent unintended pregnancies and STDs and seek care and treatment when needed.
Being able to experience sexual pleasure, satisfaction, and intimacy when desired.
Being able to communicate about sexual health with others including sexual partners and healthcare providers.
Sex and Relationships
When you are in a sexual relationship communication is key. Without good communication, you can't have good sex, at least not consistently. If you are not able to talk about sex, what you want, what you don't want, etc, chances are one or both partners will be disappointed.
Communication also helps to bring more intimacy. Intimacy can increase feelings of love but just because someone is having sex with someone, that doesn't necessarily mean that they love them. This is another area where communication is key. If you and your partner are not on the same page as to what meaning sex has in the relationship, or if you are not able to talk about it at all, then it is probably not going to be a successful or satisfying relationship.
What Kind of Relationship Do You Want?
This may seem like a silly question, but it is important to remember that just because your definition of a relationship is one thing, doesn't mean that everyone has the same definition. Below are some explanations of various kinds of relationships. The following information was taken from the American Sexual Health Associations.
Committed or non-committed? Do you want a commitment such as marriage, long-term dating, raising children, sharing finances, and/or sharing a home, or do you want a less committed dating relationship?
Friendly or Romantic? Do you want a relationship that is based on friendship, or do you prefer a romantic, emotionally intimate relationship?
Sexual or non-sexual? Do you expect that you will want to have sex with this person? If you do, are there some sexual activities you want to do and others you do not?
Monogamous or non-monogamous? Do you want your relationship to be only with that person, so that you each have sex only with each other, or not, so that you and your partner have sex with other people?
Remember to explore each of those questions separately. All combinations are possible!
Common Relationship Structures - The following information was taken from American Sexual Health Association
Asexual or non-sexual- Asexual people do not generally have sexual feelings, and/or they choose not to have sex. People who identify as asexual may want emotional relationships, including long-term committed, loving, non-sexual partnerships.Others do have sexual feelings but do not want or do not feel ready for sexual activity with another person, so they are completely or selectively abstinent.
Lifetime mutual monogamy - In these relationships, each person has only one sexual partner in a lifetime. Both partners only have sex with each other.
Mutual serial monogamy- This is a common relationship structure among many adults. When someone is serially monogamous, they may have sexual contact with more than one person over a lifetime, but they only maintain one long-term sexual partnership at a time, in which both partners are monogamous (have sex only with each other).
Mutual fidelity - Mutual fidelity is similar to mutual monogamy except that there may be more than two people involved in this kind of relationship. Groups or families of three, four or more may have sexual relationships with one another but not have sex with anyone outside the group.
Sexually non-monogamous relationships - Sexually non-monogamous relationships include consensual/honest non-monogamy such as “casual dating,” swinging, polyamory, and open relationships, as well as non-consensual/dishonest non-monogamy, also known as cheating. There are a wide variety of sexually non-monogamous relationship structures that people may choose, in which one or more members of a couple or group have sex with others.
Note: Though at first glance it may seem like a sexually non-monogamous person is at a higher risk of STI infection than a serially monogamous one, remember that relationship structure is only one risk factor for STIs. Other things that increase the chance of getting an STI are a high number of lifetime sexual partners, irregular STI testing and treatment, sharing needles for IV drug use, having sex with strangers or sex workers, and incorrect and/or irregular use of sexual barriers. A sexually non-monogamous person who correctly and regularly uses sexual barriers such as condoms may be less likely to get an STI than a mutually serially monogamous person who does not use barriers or has a partner of unknown STI status.
Sharing Your Thoughts on Sex
The above has mainly been focused on you thinking about what it is you want/like, etc. It is a great thing to do, but if you have a sexual partner and you are not sharing this information, it is not very helpful at all. No one can read minds, therefore, if we want someone to know something about us, we need to tell them.
Talking about sex can feel awkward at first, but if you are preparing to have sex, you really should be able to handle talking about it. Again, communication is key to have a great sex life and healthy relationships.
Whether you are with a new partner or someone that you have been with for a long time, there is always something to talk about. As we evolve, our wants, likes and dislikes can change. Our bodies change as well as our sex drives. Also, maybe we like certain things sometimes but don't really want them all the time. This is all important information to share with your partner.
Another key ingredient to having a healthy sexual relationship is consent. Just because you had sex with someone once, doesn't mean that is an open invitation to always have it. Consent goes both ways. Both people need to agree that they want to have sex and the more comfortable you are about talking about sex, the more you can make sure that you are on the same page with your partner/partners.
It is not possible to stress enough the importance of communication in having really good and healthy sexual relationships. The more able you are to talk to someone, the more trust builds, the more comfortable you feel and the more you can relax and enjoy it.
Here are some other things to talk about with your partner:
Birth control - What kind? Will you use more than one? Do you both feel comfortable with the choice of birth control you've made? What happens if the birth control doesn't work as expected?
STDs - Have you been tested? When was the last time? Should you get tested before having sex?
Boundaries - What is ok and not ok? What if the boundaries change, how will that be handled? Are you monogamous or can you have sex with other people?
Consent: Sexier than you think
No matter how much you think about sex and what you like, don't like etc. No matter how many conversations you have with your partner or partners about it, there is something that needs to be there EVERY time. Consent. Consent is not a shrug of the shoulders, or a maybe or silence. Consent is a full on "Yes."
Consent may be given for somethings and not for others. Talking about this before hand is ideal, but the reality is, sometimes we just get into the moment and stop talking. However, this does not mean communication should stop. As you move on to something else, it's a good idea to check in. Or you could ask your partner what they would like you to do. Believe it or not, the more you communicate with each other about what you like, want, and don't want, the happier you will both be.
Even when all is a go, there may be a moment where someone wants or needs to stop. At that time, when something is said, there is no longer consent. Once consent is gone, whatever it is that's happening in that moment stops too, if doesn't you have now crossed the line of unwanted sexual experience.
Communication creates a richer and more satisfying experience for everyone. Consent is a huge part of the communication do not gloss over it! Do not assume you have it! Just because you had it once or 50 times, doesn't mean you have it every time. Ask. Check in. Repeat.
Birth Control Options
There are several options for birth control from abstinence to the pull out method. Each methods has its pros and cons. Some methods are more reliable than others and some only prevent unwanted pregnancy and do nothing to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. It's important to know your options, all of them, and understand what each option can and can't do. Below is a link to a list and description of birth control methods from Planned Parenthood. For a better understanding of each method, click on the link.
If you are thinking about birth control and need to be prescribed it, you can talk with one of the providers at Husson's Health Services center. For an appointment call, 207-941-7625. Condoms are provided for free at the Health Services Center as well as at the counseling center.
Prevention of Sexually Transmitted Diseases
When you decide to be sexually active, you are taking a chance on exposing yourself to sexually transmitted diseases. With the more information you have, the healthier you can be. Sexually transmitted diseases can be scary and if someone contracts one, it can be embarrassing. The reality is that they exist and many people have them. Many people have them and don't even know it. Getting tested is a good way to keep track of your health and keeping your partner healthy. Many times, the earlier you know about whether or not you have contracted a sexually transmitted disease, the better chances you have of keeping it managed or getting rid of it. Safer sex keeps you healthy.
If you are concerned about STDs, want to get tested, or obtain more information, you can call and schedule a confidential appointment with the Husson Health Services Center (207-941-7625). They provide in-house HIV testing. You can get tested for all other STDs though the Health Center will need to send that blood work out to a lab. There is a fee for STD testing. Talk to the Health Services provider or receptionist for more information. All services are confidential.
Below are some links to give you more information about sexually transmitted diseases.
More Information
American Sexual Health Association - Great resource for a variety of information about sexual health and healthy sexual relationships.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention - Great resources for a variety of information on health.
World Health Organization - Great resources for a variety of information on health.
Subpages: Rape/Sexual Assault Prvention, Rape/Sexual Assault Resources, Relationships