Chronic and Fatal Illness/Death

When we think of college, we don't often think of a student struggling with their own chronic illness or the illness or death of a loved one, but it happens.  

Some Statistics

Below information was taken from Actively Moving Forward about college students who have lost family members. 

• Between 35% and 48% of college students have lost a family member or close friend within the last two years. Between 22% and 30% of college students have lost a family member or close friend within the last year (Balk, 1997; Wrenn, 1999; Balk, Walker & Baker, 2010).

• 8.6% of college students’ academic performances have been affected by the death of a family member or close friend within the last year (Servaty-Seib & Hamilton, 2006).

• While counseling has been shown to have a positive impact on the retention rates of all college students, only 10% of college students seek counseling services. (Bishop & Brenneman, 1986; Gallagher, 2004, 2010)

• Studies indicate that bereaved individuals who receive adequate support experience lower levels (both in intensity and incidence) of anxiety or depression, fewer psychosomatic and autonomic symptoms, and decreased use of alcohol, tobacco, and tranquilizers (Parkes, 1975, 1979, 1981).

The information below is taken from invisibleillness.com.

• • Nearly 1 in 2 Americans (133 million) has a chronic condition.

  • Sixty percent are between the ages of 18 and 64 

  • Depression is 15-20% higher for the chronically ill than for the average person – Rifkin, A. “Depression in Physically Ill Patients,” Postgraduate Medicine (9-92) 147-154

College and Managing a Chronic Illness

They say it's important to keep your stress in check in order to better manage your health.  Suppose you're health is already an issue and you have the added stress of attempting to thrive in college.  What can you do to stay as healthy as possible, while still doing what you need to do well in school academically and socially?

In an article on WebMD about managing chronic disease at college the following suggestions are made: 

• •  Get to know your college office of disability services - Our office is located in Peabody 208.  You will want to meet with them to discuss any accommodations you may need, whether it be a single room, special diet, note takers, etc.  Be proactive and let them know what you experience and what you need.  Its best to have support. 

  • Create a circle of support - This can include the office of disability services as well as friends, teachers, roommates, resident assistants, resident directors, advisers, a student group, a counselor, a church community, anyone that can be on your side and offer support. 

  • Know about your insurance, what it covers and what it doesn't.  If you don't have any, find out how to get some.  This can relieve a great deal of stress just knowing that you have the ability to get treatment if you need it. 

  • Keep in contact with your doctor and make and keep your appointments. 

  • Connect with your college health center - Ours is located on the first floor of Carlisle Hall. Let them know your medications and your diagnosis and how you are currently doing.  Make a plan to check in with them regularly if your doctor is out of state. 

  • Get more supports - Find a support group in the community of people dealing with a chronic illness or the same illness as you.  This can help you feel more connected and understood and you may have less of a chance of feeling like you are "burdening" others since they have some idea of what you are experiencing. 

  • Stay as healthy as possible - Get your immunizations, wash your hands regularly, get all your check ups.  Why add to your stress with another illness.  When you get the cold, or the flue, make sure you are taking care of yourself, getting rest, eating and sleeping well, etc. 

  • Hold off on changing your treatment routine - You may want to try something different.  It may be better to hold off until you feel more settled in school or have built up enough support and if you do make changes, stay in close contact with your doctor and the health center. 

  • Pace yourself - Pay attention to how you feel, what you can and can't do and what you need.  Try not to compare yourself to others around you.  

Resources for Chronic Illness Management

American Diabetes Association

American Heart Association

American Cancer Society

Maine Cardiovascular Health Program

Maine Asthma Prevention and Control

Attending College and Managing the Chronic/Fatal Illness of a Loved One

It is difficult to be far away from, focus on what work we need to do, and take care of ourselves when someone we care about it struggling.  Below are some things to remember when you are experiencing a loved one struggling with their health. 

• • Sleep, eat, drink water, get some exercise -   If you stop taking care of the daily essentials, you will not be able to focus or accomplish what you want. 

  • Make a plan for keeping in contact  with family- If you are far away, or even just have to be away for a class or work, have plan for how you will get information.  Text, email, phone calls.  Try to decide when you will be able to receive, look at, or talk to someone to keep up with what is happening.  You will want to look for updates often, try not to.  Tell others the best times to let you know things and use those times.  

  • Plan for emergencies - Have an idea of what you will need to do if the worst happens.  How will you get to where you need to go, who can help drive you, when could you possibly leave, how will you notify teachers, etc. 

  • Use supports - Don't keep your experience to yourself.  Use your community supports.  Friends, other family members, teachers, RAs, Dean of Student Success, Counseling Services, Chaplain Services, etc. 

  • Be realistic - You can't do it all.  Know your limits.  Know your priorities and act accordingly.

  • Tell people what you need/want - No one can read another person's mind.  People often don't know what would be helpful.  Let others know what you need.  If you need to be alone for a while, tell people.  If you need to be around people, tell them.  If you just need someone to listen, ask for it.  You will be surprised how readily people are to accommodate when we ask. 

We Don't Fully Grow Up Until We Lose Our Parents - NPR Interview with Scott Simon who wrote about the loss of his mother. 

Attending College and Dealing with a Death

We don't like to think that someone in our life is going to die, though we all know it happens.  Whether its a shock or expected, there is no easy way to deal with death. When you are trying to focus on school and dealing with a death, that adds another complicated and stressful layer. Below are some things to keep in mind when you are dealing with a death and trying to stay in school.

Tend to your family/friends and yourself - Be with the people you need to be with, participate in the rituals and ceremonies, take time off and allow yourself to grieve.  We can not tell you "after this many days" you will feel better and able to focus again.  This is different for everyone.  Listen to yourself and keep communicating with those that need to know. 

Be Realistic - You can't, nor are you expected to do it all.  Make a plan, delegate and think about what you need and are able to do at this time.  

Communicate - Inform teachers, talk with the Dean of Student success (Peabody 208), make a plan about what you feel you need and how it can play out. Let some other people know so you have support.  Don't try to hold back feelings.  Talk about them. 

Know your options - Find out what makes sense.  Do you stay in school for the semester, do you take a leave of absence, do you just handle it day by day and stay in contact with your teachers?  Find out what is possible.  

Accept help from others - You may feel like you can not handle all the details about what to do, so ask for some help.  Think of someone, friend or other family member, that might be able to support you with some of these tasks. 

Resources

Home Care and Hospice Alliance of Maine

Maine Hospice Care Resources

Beacon Hospice

Also below is a list in PDF format for Grief support services around Maine. 

You may also want to check out the Grief page of this website for more information.