Perfectionism

There is nothing inherently wrong with striving to be the best however when we live our lives needing to be perfect, we set ourselves up for a whole lot of pain.  So where is the line between wanting to do well and needing to be perfect?  

Perfectionism Defined

According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, perfectionism is: 

"1 a :  the doctrine that the perfection of moral character constitutes a person's highest good

    b :  the theological doctrine that a state of freedom from sin is attainable on earth

 2    :  a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable."

According to the Merriam Webster medical dictionary, perfectionism is: 

"a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially :  the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness."

How Perfectionism Gets in the Way

Completing tasks - It's hard to finish something if you can't finish it perfectly.  So, many, many things, go unfinished and the stress builds because you know you should do it. 

Starting tasks - If you believe you will not be able to complete something perfectly or to your standard, you won't even bother doing it. Again, not a great quality in a college student. 

Taking risks - Taking a risk means you might fail.  If you are afraid of failing, more than likely you will not try anything new and this can keep you pretty isolated and stunt personal growth. 

Opening up to others - If being perfect is important to you, it will be difficult to share yourself with others.  This means relationships, if you have any, will be superficial and you may feel quite lonely. 

Feeling stressed - If you need to be perfect all the time, the amount of pressure you end up putting on yourself can really cause some difficulties with sleeping, eating, relationships, focus, and so much more. 

Managing Perfectionism - Embracing the Flaws!

As the artist Bob Ross used to say, "There are no mistakes, just happy accidents."  When we believe that our worth is directly tied to whether or not we live up to perfection, we more likely end up feeling depressed, worthless, unmotivated, and not finishing what we need to. 

If you identified with any of the above, you may want to consider if your perfectionism is getting in the way and think about what you may want to do about it.  Below are some ideas. 

Find an option between ALL or NOTHING - Challenge your all or nothing thinking. If you believe that nothing is worth doing unless it can be done perfectly, doesn't leave any room for mistakes and it doesn't help you get anything done. 

Research - If you look up to someone because you think they are perfect (makes no mistakes), find out more about them.  If you know them, ask them more about how they got successful.  If you don't know them and are able, read up on them and find out how they got to where they are.  Chances are you will find out that they strive to be better, not perfect. 

Be kind to yourself/cut yourself some slack - Stop the negative messages you give to yourself and challenge them.  Some of these messages may be, "I have to be perfect for anyone to like me."  "They'll do it better than me so why bother." "If I don't get the best grade, than I will never succeed." These are not facts, just thoughts.  Challenge them.  

Learn to Learn from mistakes - Start slow, but start.  Challenge yourself to do something you know you can't do perfectly and do it.

See the links below for more information. 

Links to Articles

Control Perfectionism - Link to wikiHow article. 

How to Overcome Perfectionism - Link to Personal Excellence blog.

How to Stop Perfectionism from Ruining Your Life - Link to an article from Forbes magazine. 

Perfectionism - Link to an article from Psychology Today. 

The Many Faces of Perfectionism - Link to an article from the American Psychological Association.