By Josue Posadas
It was Friday last year and my sister called me and asked me if I wanted to scale an abandoned building downtown. At first I was a bit nervous to go but then I agreed, and she told me she was going to pick me up Saturday at my house. So I woke up around 8 am and got ready to go with her. She called me around 9 am and told me she was outside. I walked out and saw her, her boyfriend Sisco, and his friend Geo.
We had to go through a 20 minute drive to get to the building. We got there around 10:30 am. We parked near a parking lot and continued to walk to the building. The day was really sunny and warm, a perfect day basically. The sky was as blue as the Atlantic Ocean. We were walking around the building looking for an opening. One spot outside smelled really bad, like piss. Then some dude on a bike just told us that there were a couple of broken windows near a busy street. We waited for the streets to be clear so we could hop in. We had to go through a broken window inside the building parking lot because the rest was barred up. When I hopped in, it was really dark and there were a couple of people there that we avoided. We looked around to see if we could access the top of the parking lot and found a flight of stairs. It was pitch black so we turned our camera lights on and saw a lot of graffiti.
We continued to climb the building and ended up to the top of the parking lot but not the main building. At the top of the parking lot we could see the highway and all the roads. We also saw a pool filled with spray paint cans and graffiti. The whole building was covered head to toe with graffiti. We had to climb about 25-30 floors to get to the top. The building was so huge, it felt that we had climbed for hours. During that climb I cut my finger and a lot of blood started gushing out. It hurt but I didn't tell anyone I just cut a piece of my shirt and tied it around my finger.
We continued to walk up the building and ended up at the top where we got to see the whole view of the downtown area. We could hear the whole city, cars, and the wind. We took a couple of pictures and had to climb back down. We saw a couple of groups also in the building. We got out around 12:45 pm and walked to the parking lot. We all got in the car and just drove home. I was dropped off first to my house. It was a very fun day and I did not regret going at all.
I wrote this story because it is based on a true story and was the only thing I could really think of.
-Main Message-The main message of this story is to enjoy things while you can or to try new things. My two pieces of evidence show me being iffy about the invitation at first but then I just tried it out and didn't regret it.
-Text Organization and Structure-It starts off with me being invited to go to an abandoned building with my sister. I used the structure sequence to explain the chain of events that went down that day. It ends with me enjoying myself and the whole day and not regretting a thing
-Literary Devices-I used a simile to describe the bright blue sky and compare it to the Atlantic Ocean. I also used a hyperbole to exaggerate the time it took us to climb the building. I then used anaphora at the end repeating the word ¨we¨ at the start of mostly every sentence.
-Diction & Tone-The first tone I used was amused because I couldn't wait to actually scale the building. The other tone I used was intense because we had to watch out for passing cars to actually get in the building. The whole time climbing the building I used the tone, light-hearted, because we were enjoying every minute of the climb. Then I used the tone awestruck because we could see the whole city and were pretty amazed by the view.
In the essay ¨Abandoned Building¨ by Josue Posadas it talks about the idea of enjoying
and trying new things while you can. I added feeling ¨nervous¨ when I got asked if I wanted to go. On the first paragraph it says ¨A first I was nervous but then I agreed¨.
I begin the essay with being invited to explore an abandoned building,¨My sister called me and asked me if I wanted to scale an abandoned building downtown¨. I then looked for an entrance to the building with the group,¨We were walking around the building looking for an opening...we had to go through a broken window¨. Then explored the whole building bottom to top,¨We continued to climb the building...had to climb 25-30 floors¨. I ended the essay with me seeing the good view and going home,¨Ended up at the top where we got to see the whole view of the downtown area¨. I use the structured sequence to explain the chain of events that went down that day.
The important words I use in this essay are,¨Nervous, Avoided, Fun, and Regret¨. Not that I regretted climbing the building but it was me not regretting anything after trying something new. I used a simile to compare the sky to the ocean,¨The sky was as blue as the Atlantic¨. I also used a hyperbole to exaggerate the height of the building,¨The building was so huge it felt that we had climbed hours¨. They make the tone amused and light-hearted because we were enjoying the climb and what we had to see.
I wrote this essay because it's based on a true story and something anyone can relate to with trying new experiences. The main message was to enjoy and try new things while you still can, I chose to write about this because most people miss out on fun things just because it is something new or it makes them nervous. My target audience is anyone who ever missed out on something just because it was something new and were afraid to try it out. I chose this story because its a story of me trying something new and I know some people have been invited to something but reject it because of fear.
This was a story filled with anticipation! Great job! You really kept me in suspense, and the literary techniques were nicely applied.
--Scott Wieding