The all-sufficient Christ sanctifies our family relationships
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Next, the apostle speaks about the relationship between children and parents. Children are to obey their parents in everything. God gives parents responsibility for their children and authority over them. Under God, parents are responsible for the physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual development of their children. As they carry out their responsibilities, parents dare not let their children do just as they please. That would be a grave disservice to them. Rather, parents are to require obedience of their children, and children are to render that obedience, not just when parents ask them to do what is easy and pleasant but also in those things that are difficult or tedious. Christian children are to obey, not grudgingly or with a grumbling spirit but willingly, knowing that, in the final analysis, they are obeying not just their parents but also the Lord.
Such willing obedience pleases the Lord. That is why in both the Old Testament and the New Testament he attaches to the Fourth Commandment, “Honor your father and mother,” the encouraging promise “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” One of the best ways children can show their love for God is by obeying their parents. To parents who require obedience and to children who give it, God promises the blessings of a quiet, peaceful, and happy home.
God wants parents to require obedience of their children, but Scripture and experience teach that obedience does not come naturally. Obedience has to be taught. At times it has to be insisted upon through correction and discipline, even with the rod of corporal punishment, but God has a word for parents here too. Parents are not to discourage their children or make it difficult for them to obey. Rather, they are to prove themselves worthy of their children’s respect and obedience. As they teach their children obedience, parents must not be inconsistent, dictatorial, unreasonable, or harsh.
God does not want parents to be permissive and give their children everything their children want, nor does he want parents to be so harsh with their children that their children become bitter or get the feeling that they cannot do anything right or pleasing to their parents. Children’s spirits are fragile and can easily be broken. Discipline should never be a parent’s way of taking frustration and anger out on the child. It should always be the result of the parent’s loving desire to teach the child to avoid wrong and follow the right way. God wants parents to love their children, and both fathers and mothers should not be ashamed to verbalize and display that love. There’s much to be said for the sentiment expressed by the bumper sticker slogan “Have you hugged your kid today?”
What a beautiful thing it is when Christian parents create in their homes a warm and loving atmosphere in which children find joy in obedience. On the other hand, what untold tragedies have resulted when parents, even though they may have truly loved their children, have embittered their children through lack of proper direction and discipline, excessive harshness, or failure to properly and effectively communicate their love.
Parents who love their children will also take care to nourish their children’s spiritual lives. Not just mothers but fathers too will take a personal interest in their children’s spiritual training. In families where fathers, as well as mothers, attend worship services with their children, the children are much more likely to worship regularly when they are on their own. Above all, Christian parents will provide an example that will make God’s Word live for their children.
Child-rearing in our society is a difficult and often discouraging task. The sinful natures of both children and parents, as well as the multitude of temptations with which the devil seeks to lead children and adolescents away from the path of loving obedience, at times threaten to overwhelm Christian parents. But if both parents and children seek the Lord’s help and follow his instructions, they can become more obedient children and more understanding parents. Nor should parents, even in the most discouraging moments of their childrearing experiences, stop trusting in the Lord’s encouraging promise in Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”