Recently I started formulating a list of basic rules for living. Feel free to contribute. I'd love to find or develop some simple illustrations to teach the rules.
"the universal need of every human being is to feel that, I am of worth, my feelings matter, and someone really cares about me." (Lundberg 93)
It’s important to remember that everyone is biased and it’s important to manage our own biases and consider the biases of others (e.g., self-serving bias) when working with them.
"The easiest way to get what you want is to try and deserve what you want." --Charlie Munger, Poor Charilie's Almanac
A father once told his son that he loved him. The son replied that he didn't want his love, he wanted him to play football with him.
"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor." (Henry David Thoreau)
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. " (Viktor E. Frankl)
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit” (Will Durant, The Story of Philosophy)
My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. (Gyatso)
Treat others as you'd want to be treated. (Golden Rule)
Treat yourself as you believe others should be treated. For example, I believe we should practice being validating to others. Don't forget to be validating to yourself.
It could be just me, but I have a suspicion that everyone's crazy, just not necessarily in the same way. (Bryan)
I saw a good episode of Elementary where another term for crazy was used that I liked: neuroatypical.
Be quick to see the good in others, especially those you don't like. (Bryan)
If you don't see good in someone, you haven't look hard enough (Bryan)
If you don't see at least some truth in what someone says, you haven't looked hard enough
Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t. --JP12
“If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.” --Marvin J. Ashton
To validate someone is to walk with them emotionally without trying to change their direction. (Lundberg)
A crucial aspect of moral character is how we think of and treat those who believe differently.
Before you focus on what's wrong with someone's idea, focus on what's right with it.
In so many ways, we create the universe we live in; make it a good one.
Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did. Let it go.
When someone offends you, you can either choose to whine about it or treat it as an opportunity to practice patience. (Goddard)
"Seek first to understand, then to be understood" (Covey)
Clean up your own messes.
Rely on yourself as much as possible for your needs and wants and never shift the responsibility to someone else.
Maintain a balance between production and production capacity (Covey)
Leave people and places better than you found them.
Choose to light up a room when you enter it by loving others (Einfalt).
Learn from the past, plan for the future, but live in the present.
Listen, Listen, Listen, and Understand. Listen to what is being said with your full attention. Listen to the needs being expressed. Listen to the feelings being expressed. Understand the best you can by putting yourself in the other person's shoes. (Lundberg)
Choose to take time to enjoy the little things.
Relationships work better when you keep the number of positive interactions high relative to negative (Gottman)
Find a good balance between being productive and just having fun
In relationships, being right is highly overrated.
What goes around, comes around.
Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid. --John Wayne
Don't assume you know people's motives or thoughts. (Lynette)
Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
Don't compare your life to others and don't judge them. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.
Smile. You don't own all the problems in the world.
Appreciate someone daily.
"we need to cultivate a genuine sense of responsibility and a sincere concern for the welfare of others" --Dalai Lama
It's tempting to think a person or event is simple with a clear right and wrong. Usually people and life are more of a mixture. Beware of false dichotomies. related thoughts
Violating or ignoring what we feel is right leads to rationalization by distorting reality, creating conflict within ourselves and with others. --Anatomy of Peace
Before you speak, ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid. --Bernard Meltzer
When you think someone is wrong about something, it may just be a matter of perspective. Illustration 1.
You never look good trying to make someone else look bad
We should hold to the best truth we can find, but not too tightly, having the humility to know everyone can be mistaken and most likely will be at some point.
Validation is being with someone where they are, not where you think they ought to be.
You’ll never actually have it all together—be okay with that. (92Life Lessonsby Lori Deschene & YouLEARN)
Don't take yourself so seriously, no one else does
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail
There are many who want me to succeed
How we treat people with whom we disagree is an important measure of our maturity
You can see things more clearly from a position of love than one of fear
Live within your means
Return everything you borrow
Stop blaming others
Admit it when you make a mistake
Do something nice and try not to get caught
Listen more; talk less
Be on time
Don't make excuses
Be kind to unkind people
Cultivate good manners
Be humble
Realize and accept that life isn't fair
It can be better to keep your mouth shut and feel stupid than open it and remove all doubt
Don't sweat the small stuff; it's all small stuff
Avoid "fixing" someone else's proposal, but if needed, suggest a minor revision (tweak) instead of something major. This is more palatable.
Treat yourself like you would someone you are responsible for helping (JP12)
Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)(JP12)
Proverbs 17:28 Even a fool, when he aholdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that bshutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.
When you bring up a problem, it may be good to include an actionable solution
If you hide the existence of a problem, you may be part of it
Just because a statement has truth doesn't mean there aren't exceptions. It may be useful to explore both.
It's almost always a bad idea to offer advice or to correct someone (Lundberg)
If it’s important to offer advice (e.g., harm may result if you don’t), do it with kindness and respect and not with pressure that if they don't do it they are insulting you (e.g., this may not work for you, but sometimes I've found this may work...) (Lundberg)
Don't argue
The answer to "over sensitivity" is not to criticize someone into insensitivity.
It may be true that someone is being "overly sensitive" to what we just said, but it's wise to at least consider that just maybe we weren't sensitive enough.
Calling someone oversensitive is something insensitive people do.
If you keep covering up problems (e.g., with heroics) they never get solved.
I have realized that I am not “Atlas”. The world does not rest on my shoulders.
I stopped telling the elderly that they've already told that story many times. The story makes them walk down memory lane & relive their past.
I have learned not to correct people even when I know they are wrong. The onus of making everyone perfect is not on me. Peace is more precious than perfection.
I give compliments freely & generously. Compliments are a mood enhancer not only for the recipient, but also for me. And a small tip for the recipient of a compliment, never, NEVER turn it down, just say "Thank You.”
I have learned not to bother about a crease or a spot on my shirt. Personality speaks louder than appearances.
I walk away from people who don't value me. They might not know my worth, but I do.
I remain cool when someone plays dirty to outrun me in the rat race. I am not a rat & neither am I in any race.
I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions. It’s my emotions that make me human.
I have learned that it's better to drop the ego than to break a relationship. My ego will keep me aloof, whereas with relationships, I will never be alone.
I have learned to live each day as if it's the last. After all, it might be the last.
I am doing what makes me happy. I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to myself. Happiness is a choice. You can be happy at any time, just choose to be!
When the student is ready the teacher will appear (Theosophy)
If you think you’re absolutely right about something, become more educated
"It's not enough for a couple to be great at solving problems. It's also important to do things together that produce joy." (Play)
In a debate you're on opposing sides, each seeking to win over the other. I prefer collaboration where both sides are working together for enlightenment.
Real scientists are delighted when they find out they are wrong. And to me, that is one of the greatest gifts that a scientific education can bring. There are too many people in this world who want to be right. And too few who just want to know. -- Professor Brian Cox
***
JP12 - Jordon Peterson's, The 12 Rules of Life
Einfalt, Katherine Einfalt, my niece
Goddard, H. Wallace. Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub., 2007. Print.
Gyatso, Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama, As quoted in Tibet, a Guide to the Land of Fascination (1988) by Trilok Chandra Majupuria and Indra Majupuria
Lundberg, Gary B., and Joy Saunders Lundberg. I don't have to make everything all better. New York, NY: Penguin Group Penguin Putnam Inc., 1999. Print.
Covey, Stephen R., The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
92Life Lessonsby Lori Deschene & YouLEARN
Play - Brown & Vaughan - https://www.amazon.com/Play-Shapes-Brain-Imagination-Invigorates/dp/1583333789 - Thanks to Mel for sharing
Theosophy - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theosophy