Around the World in Eighty Lays

As a challenge, I decided to write a bawdy song (the Three Labors is only mildly so). The problem is that there is a fine line between bawdy and pornographic, and I did not want to cross it. A fellow performer once described this as “Nothing I'd have to explain to my children,” a sentiment I agree with.

So how does one stay on the bawdy side of the line? I'm no expert, but I would say that it's all innuendo: you say things that can be taken in two ways. To cite another anecdote, you whistle dirty tunes. For example, consider the title. Suggestive, is it not? As it turns out, it is...if you're inclined to think that way. But a “lay” is also a song, and in fact the sexual connotation of lay does not appear until the 1930s. So as a period title, it is completely asexual.

Originally I wrote down a number of professions (cooper, chandler, etc.), thinking to write a verse for each. But midway through decided to take the royal road; the architect stanza is the only survivor of that early incarnation, and it's just too good to discard. I wrote down a few ideas (mainly the final rhymes: my notebook has entries like “King of France: saw/awe”), and quit before the song got too tedious. Once I had the basic plan of this song, the writing went quickly (I don't know what this says about the way my mind works...): I began and finished this on May 22, 2007. Of course, being me, I had to fill this ditty with all sorts of erudite references. In the unlikely event that some future music student decides to study this work and ascribe all sorts of hidden meanings to these scribblings, I've included footnotes.

Obviously it can be extended indefinitely, and anyone who wishes to is encouraged to add to it. The music is bransle pinegay, from Arbeau; the MIDI file is my own sequence, but there are better recordings. It's the same music as The Madness of the Roman King, which seems to be the right sort of music for the more extreme songs.

Alibech a monk did tell Tan-a-ra How the devil's put in hell Tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra Chorus But too quick his vigor spent So to another land she went. She helped Pisa's architect Tan-a-ra Keep his leaning tow'r erect Tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra Chorus When the king of France she saw Tan-a-ra Held his fleur-de-lys in awe Tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra Chorus When she saw the Dauphin dance Tan-a-ra Took his fish for all of France Tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra Chorus Fooled by bankers in their stalls Tan-a-ra For their signs display three balls Tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra Chorus Onto Moscow, the third Rome Tan-a-ra Climbed the Tsar's great onion dome Tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra Chorus Next the sultan and his court Tan-a-ra Took her through the sublime port Tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra Chorus Now she's gone to who knows where Tan-a-ra Chasing devils to their lair Tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra, tan-a-ra

1. Erudite, referring to “knowledge that will help you win at trivial pursuit but is, of course, of no actual value...”
2. From the tenth tale of the third day of the Decameron. To modern audiences, this story skirts a dangerous line; suffice it to say that anyone who wrote this story today would probably be charged with child pornography.
3. Get a good version of the Decameron and read the story. As noted above, the story skirts close to a dangerous line, so a bowdlerized version of the Decameron will either omit the story, or edit it to the point where the point is missed entirely.
4. Yes, the dolphin is a mammal, and yes, its mammalian characteristics were known as far back as Aristotle. However, in period (and well into the modern era) the biological distinction was not always made, and “fish” was used as a generic term for anything that swam in the water (shellfish, starfish, jellyfish, and the like).
5. The traditional symbol of the Lombard pawnbrokers was three golden orbs. I've seen no conclusive evidence that it was the Medici coat of arms (but if so, “Cheated in Medici halls” works).
6. Because the last Byzantine princess married into the Romanov family, a saying arose: “Two Romes have fallen; Moscow is the third, and there shall not be another.”
7. The seat of government of the Turkish Empire was known as the Sublime Port.