Xmas Sunday Family Humour Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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The Storm

Thanks to Colin

Now that you have smiled today, won't you please help someone else?

Why forward jokes?

Thanks to Pondo

This explains why I forward lists, articles, jokes, opinions, cartoons, and links to sites....

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble...

At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered... 'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up. 'The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.

There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog..

'There should be a bowl by the pump.'

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

Soooo...

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke,

but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are all welcome @ my water bowl any time!

Incredible Routine

Thanks to Ray

A Physical Education teacher, Lynn Kelley who founded the Kings Firecrackers13 years ago, said the video of their performance at an Army vs. Navy game in February was posted to the team's Web site in early April, and has ignited national interest.

How animal's speak

Thanks to Mary

THIS IS WHAT SORRY LOOKS LIKE.

This is what tired looks like.

This is what bad spelling looks like..

This is what intimacy looks like.

This is what courage looks like.

This is what 'good grief!!' looks like.

This is what your tax dollars look like.

This is what 'I can wait' looks like.

This is what impatience looks like..

This is what a helping hand looks like

This is what cold looks like.

This is what a bad mood looks like.

It doesn't matter how many people you send this to,

Just remember if it made you smile, your friends will smile too!

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so......

'Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.

Jokes from Friends

Thanks to Jane

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

A little girl raises her hand.

"I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well", she said,

"I was in the back yard with my kitty, and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start, and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!''

"That must've been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was," said the little girl.

"My kitty raised her back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss, and before she could say 'shit',

the Rottweiler ate her!"

The teacher had to leave the room.

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Exercise for those looking for a fresh start

I tried it, I liked it; you will too!!

The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass.

If you're over 50, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina.

Warning: It may be too strenuous for some.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

SCROLL DOWN...............

NOW SCROLL UP...

That' s enough for the first day.

Great job.

Have a glass of wine.

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A Winter Biker's Story

Thanks to Lee

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