Sunday Family Humour 15th August Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 15th August Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
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Father O'Malley
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas .. Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning.
It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station......
The conversation went like this:
''Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?''
''And the best of the day te yerself.. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church.
There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn."
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,
''Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!''
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment........................
Father O'Malley then replied:
''Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.''
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A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country
is in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for
an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near
the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman'
s (Moore) staffer (Howard
Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the
length of the flight and the passport information, and then he
interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
Capetown is in Massachusetts .''
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape
Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa'' His response -- click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious
about a Florida package we did.
I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was
expecting an ocean-view room.
I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a
very thin state!'' (OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked,
''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.'' She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member(Janet Napolitano) once called and
asked if he could rent a car in Dallas .
I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover
in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said,
''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive
between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She
needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left
at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that
Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand
the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast,
and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do
airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know
whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?' he
replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag
on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's
very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I
was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for
Fresno, Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just
putting a destination tag on his luggage.
8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about
a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she
asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the
train to Hawaii?''
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby
Bright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''
10. Senator Dianne Feinstein(D) called and said, ''I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola , Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little
computer planes?'' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a
commuter plane. She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''
11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about
the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy
discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.
'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have
one of those.'' I double checked and sure enough, her stay required
a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China
four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''
12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make
reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's
the name of the town?'' 'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man. After some searching, I came back with,
''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country
and can't find a rhino anywhere." ''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be
silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!'' So I scoured a
map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean
Buffalo, do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''
Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in! Could
anyone be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO
BREED!!!
There - I fixed it.
