Sunday Family Humour 22nd November Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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Virgins

Thanks to Bill S.

A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin.

Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.

'My darring,' he whispers,

'I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.

I plomise you, I give you anyting you want,

I do anyting - juss anyting you want.

You juss ask.

Whatchu want?' he says,

trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.

She eventually shyly whispers back,

'I want to try someting I have hear about from odda girls... Numbaa 69.'

More thoughtful silence, this time from him.

Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her....

'You want.....................Garlic Chicken wif snow peas?'

BOAT DELIVERY WAS ON TIME

Thanks to Tony

65' custom-built motor yacht complete with 4 staterooms, A state-of-the-art galley, GPS System and radar for navigation, Twin supercharged diesel engines, etc.

£4,500,000.00

Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries with cream and Music dockside for the excited 'soon to be owners' and a small Group of friends.

£500.00

Two corporate representatives, crane, and rigging complete with faulty turnbuckle.

£2,500/hour

(Note the guy in the stern!)

Watching your dreamboat nose dive into the harbour, accompanied by two corporate representatives just prior to 'inking' the final paperwork...

PRICELESS!

So, how was your day...?

The Squirrel

Thanks to Bill C.

What is COURAGE?

What is the meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?

Is it to drive a formula 1 car?

Is it to fly a fighter in combat?

Is it to practice free falling parachuting?

Is it bungee jumping, wild water rafting?

Is it to gamble your salary on a coin toss?

Is it to insult the doorman in a bar?

Is it to insult your boss?

Is it to go on a defective ferris wheel?

Bullshit.that is nothing...

THIS is COURAGE!!!

Mirror in the Water

Thanks to Lee

Google Presentation

Why email was invented

Thanks to Cindy

Kiwi works for Tesco

Thanks toTony

A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco's supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later, the manager said to the boy," I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"

"New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.

"Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.

The boy said "Sir, there's nothing but whores and rugby players there."

"Is that right? " replied the manager, " My wife is from New Zealand!"

"Really?" replied the boy, "Who'd she play for?"