Sunday Family Humour 28th June Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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Loads of Laughs

Thought you might enjoy this little quips…

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. '

A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court

Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband.

'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has

been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that

were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take

to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah.. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the

doctor used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of

bathing suits.. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had

even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance..

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

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Have You ever seen a Water Bridge over a river?

Pretty Cool !

Even after you see it, it is still hard to believe!

Water Bridge in Germany . What a feat!

Six years, 500 million euros, 918 meters long.......now this is engineering!

This is a channel-bridge over the River Elbe and joins the former East and West Germany , as part of the unification project It is located in the city of Magdeburg , near Berlin . The photo was taken on the day of inauguration. To those who appreciate engineering projects, here's a puzzle for you armchair engineers and physicists.

Did that bridge have to be designed to withstand the additional weight of ship and barge traffic, or just the weight of the water?

Answer:

It only needs to be designed to withstand the weight of the water! Why? A ship always displaces an amount of water that weighs the same as the ship, regardless of how heavily a ship may be loaded.