Sunday Family Humour 31st October Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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Ole Fills In

Thanks to Blain

A doctor in Duluth wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant:

'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic.

I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks:

'So, Ole, How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care of three patients.

'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, Mate, and the second one?' asks the doctor.

'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters.

Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts:

HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years!!

'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?' asks the doctor.

.

.

.

.

.

'I put drops in her eyes!!

Chinglish Signs

Thanks to Blain

WELCOME FOR COMING!?

Horrible Jobs

Thanks to Ray

God's Wife

Thanks to Ray

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once

talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the

Contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was:

A four-year-old child, whose next door

neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his

wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old

Gentleman's' yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his mother asked him what he had

said to the neighbor, the little boy just said,

'Nothing, I just Helped him cry.'

*********************************************

Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were

discussing a picture of a family...

One little boy in the picture

had a different hair color than the other members.

One of her students suggested that he was adopted..

A little girl said,

'I know all about Adoption, I was adopted..'

'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked another child.

'It means', said the girl,

'that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'

************************ *********************

On my way home one day, I stopped to

watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a

park near my home.

As I sat down behind the bench on the first- base line,

I asked one of the boys what the score was

'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered with a smile.

'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.'

'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face...

'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't

Been up to bat yet.'

*********************** **********************

Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life,

I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.

Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play.

His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it,

though she feared he would not be chosen..

On the day the parts were awarded,

I went with her to collect him after school.

Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement..

'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted,

and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me....

'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'

*********************************************

An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December,

some years ago:

A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the

roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.

A lady approached the young boy and said,

'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'

'I was asking God to give me a pair of

shoes,'was the boy's reply.

The lady took him by the hand, went into

the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks

for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water

and a towel.

He quickly brought them to her.

She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and,

removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet,

and dried them with the towel.

By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks.

Placing a pair upon the boy's feet,

she purchased him a pair of shoes..

She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him.

She patted him on the head and said,

'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'

As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand,

and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her.

'Are you God's wife?'

Cute Kids

Thanks to Bill S.