Sunday Family Humour 15th November Page 2
'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'
Airplane Pilot
Thanks to Bill S.
A Village with no roads
Thanks to Lee
A Village in Holland (named Giethoorn) where U can't find a single road...
All transportation is done by boats along canals.
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS
A teacher asks her class,
'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies,
'None, they
will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies,
'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking...'
Then little RALPHY says,
'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women
sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately
licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling
down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off
the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a
great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY
replied, 'The correct answer is
'the one with the wedding ring on,'
but I like your thinking.'
Little RALPHY returns
from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked
'How much is 2x3,'
' I said '6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!'
says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she
asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What's the difference?'
asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON
ENGLISH
LITTLE RALPHY ON
GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar,
the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could
use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded
with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,'
replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned
out beautifully.'
She said,
'Excellent,Michael!'
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.
'Last night at the dinner table,
my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said
'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''
LITTLE RALPHY ON
GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said,
'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you.
It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat..'
Little RALPHY replied,
'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked,
'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered,
'No, he minded his own f........ business.
I LOVE
Little RALPHY!!!!!
New H1N1 Flu Mask
In case we run out of masks during the N1H1 flu season, here is a homemade mask you can make yourself.
It is even compatible with the wearing of glasses.
One thing though . . .
MAKE SURE YOUR MASK IS CLEAN!!!!!!!!
~Vaya con Dios~
Geisha Girls
Thanks to Alex
Why Geishas Take Tiny Steps