Sunday Family Humour 20th September

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

A very special thank you to all contributors.

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The economy is so bad

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked,

"Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call

them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

President Obama met with three small businesses to discuss the

Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer, and Citigroup.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their

children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

Motel Six won't leave the light on any more.

The Mafia is firing judges.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Unusual Pictures

Thanks to Ray

Moscow Dogs

Thanks to Ray

Canine commuter ... wild dog waits on the platform

STRAY dogs are commuting to and from a city centre on underground trains in search of food scraps.

The clever canines board the Tube each morning. After a hard day scavenging and begging on the streets, they hop back on the train and return to the suburbs where they spend the night.

Experts studying the dogs say they even work together to make sure they get off at the right stop after learning to judge the length of time they need to spend on the train.

The dogs choose the quietest carriages at the front and back of the train. They have also developed tactics to hustle humans into giving them more food on the streets of Moscow.

Scientists believe the phenomenon began after the Soviet Union collapsed in the 1990s, and Russia 's new capitalists moved industrial complexes from the city centre to the suburbs. Dr. Andrei Poiarkov, of the Moscow Ecology and Evolution Institute, said: These complexes were used by homeless dogs as shelters, so the dogs had to move together with their houses.

Because the best scavenging for food is in the city centre, the dogs had to learn how to travel on the subway, to get to the centre in the morning, then back home in the evening, just like people.

Well trained ... dog enjoys a nap on the underground

Dr. Poiarkov told how the dogs like to play during their daily commute.

He said: They jump on the train seconds before the doors shut, risking their tails getting jammed. They do it for fun. And sometimes they fall asleep and get off at the wrong stop.

Dog tired ... mutt naps on tube seat in Moscow

The dogs have learned to use traffic lights to cross the road safely, said Dr. Poiarkov. And they use cunning tactics to obtain tasty morsels of shawarma, a kebab-like snack popular in Moscow . They sneak up behind people eating shawarmas then bark loudly to shock them into dropping their food.

With children, the dogs play cute by putting their heads on youngsters' knees and staring pleadingly into their eyes to win sympathy and scraps. Dr. Poiarkov added: Dogs are surprisingly good psychologists.

The Moscow mutts are not the first animals to use public transport. In 2006 a Jack Russell in Dunnington, North Yorks , began taking the bus to his local pub in search of sausages. And two years ago, passengers in Wolverhampton were stunned when a cat called Macavity started catching the 331 bus to a fish and chip shop.

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24 Hours of Earth

Astronaut's Pictures

Thanks to Ray

The top reasons today for a lady to remain single

Thanks to Blain

FOR SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND GUYS WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have No money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think

we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,

don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat

nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some

money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST

MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest

in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our

job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into

something you'd like to have dinner with."

Golf Madness

Thanks to DH

More on Page 2

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