Sunday Family Humour 18th October Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

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China

Thanks to Lee

Google Presentation

Crazy Signs

Thanks to Ray

Things Happen in Church

Thanks to Ray

Restaurants not to eat at

Thanks to Mark

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I have a Question

Thanks to Blain

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea....does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

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Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

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If people from Poland are called Poles,

then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

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If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ?

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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

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As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells

'THEIRS'?

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Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Thanks to Cindy

Listen to the amazing voice of this little girl

Love this doctor

Thanks to Ray

His practice has no room for new patients! Now, he's a medical wizard!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).. And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all.. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!

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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?

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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!

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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.

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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat