Sunday Family Humour 5th July Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 5th July Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
To receive the weekly link to the latest Sunday Family humour,
send an email to dgwest7@gmail.com
saying subscribe Sunday Family Humour.
No costs, nothing else needed. Welcome and thank you.
Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.
Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted. The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and reverberated it down the hall!
He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.
Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room
under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.
The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?" Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't.I grew up here and received my education here,
but then I moved away."
Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.
Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've
been too ashamed to return."
The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is
that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true
of your incident too."
Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say 'What cha gonna do about it?'
The poor little guy starts crying.
'Come on, man, I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying.'
'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right.'
'I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home.
I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.
So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life,
--- and then you show up and drank the damn poison.
Moral-- find out the situation..before taking the leap...!
The Miniature Wunderland model railroad in Hamburg, Germany
THE HORTH WHITHPERER
A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says
he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?'
'That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment.'
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if
he's looking for a male or female horse.
'A female horth.'
So he shows him a prized filly.
'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth'?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the
horse's eyes the once over.
'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth'?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows
him the horse's ears.
'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf'?
The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this
point, but he picks him up again and shows him the
horse's mouth.
'Nice mouf, can I see her twot'?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher
grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as
far as he can up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and
slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
'Perhapth I should rephrase that.
'Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit'?