Sunday Family Humour 11th Oct Page 2
Sunday Family Humour 11th Oct Page 2
Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour
A very special thank you to all contributors.
The Wailing Wall
Thanks to David H
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?
“Morris Fishbien,” he replied.
“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”
“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. ”
“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a fuc**ng brick wall!"
The Simple Life
Max
Thanks to Cindy
I knew it was going to happen, but we just didn't know when. Here it is! Men's answer to Maxine.
MAX
Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men...
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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AIDS WARNING !!
Thanks to Chris
To all of you approaching 60 or have REACHeD 6 0 and past, this email is especially for you......... ....
SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL,
MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!
Not forgetting HIV
(Hair is Vanishing)
I love to see you smile.
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
Bottle Magic
Thanks to Lee
Caserta Palace, Italy
Thanks to Lee
A story with a moral
Thanks to Blain
I had been dating a girl for a few years now, and things were getting pretty serious.
We had the occasional talk about marriage and this and that about our future.
Finally it was time to take the plunge, and we decided to spend the rest of our lives together.
But there was ONE tiny problem.
Her Very attractive younger sister.
She was 22 years old and for some reasonI always had this desire to be with her.
Well, sure enough the night before the engagement party, I stop by my future Parent-in-Laws house to pick up a few things.
As I walk in the door I was presented with the younger 22 year old sister standing in front of me wearing a very revealing skirt and top.
She approaches me as I close the door and says,
"Joe, I have always thought about how good looking and manly you were.
I know you are marrying my sister, but is there ANY way we can spend just this one time together before you guys are committed?
"I am home alone, and am going to take a shower.
If you would like to join me, you're more than welcome."
She proceeds to walk up the stairs.
I QUICKLY run outside!
Where I am greeted by the entire family…
Her father walks up and says,
"Congratulations, you passed the test. I am positive you are right for our daughter."
Moral of the story?
- Always keep the condoms in your car!