Tips on Parenting

As someone who has been both a child and a parent, I am putting this forth as advice on parenting as someone who's seen it from both sides.

1. Love.

Most parents love their children; but many don't have the right ways of expressing it. The child needs to feel loved; and that means expressing the love for the child that the child can feel. Not “I am working hard so that you can have a roof over your head”; not “I gave you birth and am taking care of you”; but open warmth and affection.

The more the child feels loved, the happier the child becomes. Toward that effect the child needs to feel love in a way that the child understands. Kisses and hugs are one way to express love for the child in the way that the child can feel and understand. This being done, the child can then be made aware of other things that the parents are doing for her. The result will be a healthy, well-loved child who is also loyal to her parents.

2. Intelligence.

Children are an intelligent form of life and should be treated as an intelligent form of life. One of the worst things one can do is underestimate the children's intelligence and make choices as if they were stupid. Engaging the children's intelligence is one of the best way to parenting that there is.

When I was five, my grandmother was punishing me for something or other; and my uncle told her, “No, that's not how you do it with him.” He then proceeded to explain to me why what I was doing was wrong. This left a huge impression on me, and in my own parenting I've applied the same methods. When my daughter does something wrong, is explained to her why it is wrong. So far she's been a very well-behaved child.

3. Lead by example.

One of the biggest problems we see in families is that of hypocrisy. The parent teaches the kid one way but acts in another way himself. This reduces his credibility and leads the children to reject even the good parts of the parent's instruction out of the claim that it is hypocritical.

If you've made wrong choices and want your children to make better choices, all you need to do is explain that you've made a mistake and that you care enough about the child so that she not make the same errors. Don't try to coerce it authoritatively; it would not work. Informing your child not to make the errors that you did will come across as an act of caring. Trying to push them away from these errors will come across as an act of tyranny and hypocrisy.

Do not put yourself in a position where you have to feel like everything that you do is perfect, and that you deserve perfect authority. It is not, and you do not. Behave to your best of ability, but also acknowledge your humanity and imperfections. Paradoxically, this will result in the children respecting you more than they would if you appropriate for yourself a perfect-authoritarian stance.

4. Inform truthfully.

Probably the worst thing that one can do as a parent is misinform the child. Once the child finds out that she's been misinformed, the entire parenting gets seen as a lie and falls apart. Thus, if you as a parent claim that the world is reaching for communist future, and that turns out not to be the case – or if you inform the child that Allah promises victory, and that turns out not to be the case – expect to be raising a bunch of rebels.

If you honestly have fallen for a wrong idea such as either of the above, then the best thing that you can do is acknowledge to the children that you've been in error. Doing that will not result in them losing respect for you; it will result in them gaining respect for you – as an honest, sincere person who is willing to acknowledge and to correct his mistakes.

5. Practice self-control.

Absolutely essential. The parent is much stronger than the child, and with that power comes responsibility. Home is not, nor should it be ever, a place for violence. It should be a place of safety, peace and love.

That is not to say that anything the child does goes. It is to say that one controls one's strength. Children do many things that are annoying to their parents; and their parents need to use self-control to keep themselves from doing wrong things in return.

6. Broaden their outlook.

The more children know about the world, the greater their undestanding of things, and consequently the greater chances they have of making right decisions. Knowledge leads to greater understanding and better choice. Children should learn about everything from regular academics to cultural differences. The more they know about the world, the likelier they will make rightful choices.

I am sure there are many other sides to this matter, and parenting is an ever-changing methodology. I put this forth to stimulate discussion and communicate my own insight into the matter.