Having known - and been close to - many women who have experienced domestic violence, I agree with feminists that violence against women is a hideous problem, and that as much must be done as is possible to correct it. I put forth these ideas for people who are involved in feminism, or in fighting domestic violence, as well as anyone else who cares about this issue.
I have several suggestions for what can be done.
1. Involve macho men in the fight against domestic violence. The woman-beaters are unlikely to listen to liberal professors or feminism-influenced women; but they may listen to people whom they admire. Football stars and military and police personnel should be involved in telling these men that real men practice discipline and self-control and do not beat up on someone who can't defend herself from them. The message they need to put out is that domestic violence is for cowards; and that real men know how to cool it.
2. Call the woman-beater's bluff. Most of the men who are abusive to their women claim them – or women in general – to be bad people. The response to that should be, “Then why are you with this woman?” A rational person would not have associations with people whom he sees as bad people; and that they not only remain with these women but also do everything that they can to keep the women from leaving shows that they are playing a game. These men get a lot out of the relationship. They get companionship, sex, dinner, clean house and in many cases another source of income. Yet instead of rewarding the woman appropriately for what he is getting from her, the abuser instead decides to beat down on the woman. That means that he is committing a theft. He gets what he wants without rewarding the partner appropriately. Such men are thieves; and thieves have no business persecuting another person's character or personality.
3. Prosecute false advertising in relationships. Most situations of abuse are situations of false advertising. Very few women would go into a relationship knowing that they are going to get beaten or to have their character dragged through the dirt. The man puts on a kind and warm front, then shows his true colors when the woman is his. This is false advertising, and it should be dealt with in the same way as is false advertising in business. How much more necessary is it to prevent false advertising in relationships, where at stake are people's lives, than in business, where at stake is merely a product sold.
4. End the player approach to relationships. A relationship that starts with playing the other person is a relationship that starts with deceit. Because it is based on deceit, it cannot allow anything truthful to appear. To keep out the truth is spun an ever-more-ensnaring, ever-more-oppressive web of deceit that prosecutes anything true – both in the partner and in the children that come from the match. The result is poisoning of everything with dishonesty and corruption, creating a climate in which sincerity cannot survive and everyone becomes either a liar and a hypocrite or a rebel. Another major problem with player approach is that it sees as studs the men who are involved in it and as sluts the women whom they play. And that leaves women in a very disadvantaged position from which it is in most cases very difficult to escape.
5. Set up a competitive dynamic among men to reward good treatment of women. Many men are driven by competition; and if their competitive drive is directed toward something positive, then positive things come out as a result of their competition among one another. Whereas presently many men – especially young men - compete with each other as to how often they can “score,” a much more useful direction of competition should be toward who can be the best gentleman. It should be brought to bear that real men practice discipline and self-control and don't beat up on someone who cannot defend herself. Men should compete, not on the basis of success at predation, but on the basis of who can treat the woman the best.
6. Confront violence-supporting and misogynistic attitudes. There are any number of places from which these come; and all of these places are refutable. If it's done in the name of Christianity, the response is a verse from the New Testament: “What you have done to the least of these my brethren, you have done to me.” If it's done on the basis of Freudian psychology and Freud's statement that women are an incomplete gender, it is possible to remind ourselves that Freud mistook memories of childhood sexual abuse for erotic fantasy and on the basis of this false analysis has made this false claim. If it's Richard Gardner and his myth of “parental alienation syndrome,” the response is that credible psychologists have vastly inweighed against Richard Gardner and his theories. If it's in the name of the Western Civilization, it's that Western Civilization owes vastly to women, including Mary Medici, who was instrumental in moving Europe from feudalism to civilization, and Queen Elizabeth I of England, who took England from a feudal backwater to a great global civilization. And if the argument involves anything at all about say Eve, the response is that no woman alive now was alive at the time of the Garden of Eden, and it is as wrong to blame them for Eve's actions as it is to blame today's Italians for wrongs committed under the Roman Empire, or to blame today's Hungarians for the sins of Atilla the Hun.
7. Produce art that celebrates women. We see in Eminem a strong influence toward domestic violence, and he has influenced many men to be nasty to women. What's needed is music, poetry and artwork that influences men to see the good in women. I have produced some such work; but this has to be done on a large enough scale to offset the toxic influence that Eminem has had. Ultimately the art that celebrates women would be much more beautiful than what we see from Eminem and much more worthy to call itself art.