Sunday Family Humour 7th April Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Low Battery

( The caller of the year)

Thanks To David H.

A Young man saved his girlfriend's phone number on

his mobile as "LOW BATTERY".

Whenever she calls him in his absence, his wife

takes the phone and plugs it to the charger.

Give that man a medal!

Ultimate Friendship Test

Thanks to Kaline

Eternal City of Rome

Thanks to Lee

Latest Technology

Thanks to David M.

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Bet You Didn't Know

Thanks to Andre M.

and ears never stop growing.

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The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"

uses every letter of the alphabet.

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The words 'racecar,'

'kayak'

, and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

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There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous

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There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

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TYPEWRITER

is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

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A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

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A goldfish

has a memory span of three seconds.

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A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second

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A shark

is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

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A snail

can sleep for three years.

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Almonds are a member of the peach

family.

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An ostrich's eye

is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that also)

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Babies

are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

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February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

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In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

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If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

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Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

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Peanuts

are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

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Rubber bands

last longer when refrigerated.

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The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing

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The cruise liner, QE 2

moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

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The microwave

was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

(Good thing he did that.)

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The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

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There are more chickens

than people in the world.

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Winston Churchill

was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

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Women blink

nearly twice as much as men.

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Bonus!! All the ants in Africa weigh more than ALL the Elephants!!

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Now you know (a little) more than you did before!!

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Funnies

Thanks to David M.

BOB HOPE IN HEAVEN

Thanks to David H.

For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents.

And thanks for the memories. WHAT A WONDERFUL E-MAIL.

I HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART.

Tribute to a man who DID make a difference.

ON TURNING 70

'I still chase women, but only

downhill'.

ON TURNING 80

'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90

'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

ON TURNING 100

'I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel

anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING

'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR

'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.

ON GOLF

'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'

ON PRESIDENTS

'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER

'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,

Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL

'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY

'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS

'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES

'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the

stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN

'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'

Give me a sense of humor;

Lord, give me the grace to see a joke,

to get some humor out of life,

and to the person receiving this

the grace to pass it on to others.

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