Sunday Family Humour 13th January Page 2

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Pun Fun

Thanks to David M.

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites.

His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.

Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested.

"Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star,

makes no difference who you are."

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2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.

Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire, and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

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3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

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4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the Medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief,

telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day.

After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling.

The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended,

but the malady lingers on."

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5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely, saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

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6. There were three Indian squaws.

One slept on a deer skin, one Slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin.

All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.

The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys.

This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

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7. A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.

When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said,

"Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

A Ride Back In Time

Thanks to Lee

A_ride_back_in_time

Humorous German Band

Thanks to Ray M.

Auntie Acid

Thanks to Ray O'.

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Asian Scenes

Thanks to Lee

Asian Scenes

Christmas Drop

Thanks to Butch

Members of the 36th Airlift Squadron participate in Operation Christmas Drop

For anyone who has dressed a child

Thanks to Ray O'.

The Cowboy Boots

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why...

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet..

He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My mom made me wear 'em.'

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'

He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'

She will be eligible for parole in three years.