Sunday Family Humour 5th May

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour

Real Laws of Nature

Thanks to David H.

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease,

your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pass water.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped,

will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly

proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number,

you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

6. Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line,

the cashier will have to call for help.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes),

the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water,

the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you

know increases dramatically

when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a

machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely

proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Cinema and Sports Arena - At any event, the people

whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are

the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food,

beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the

performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come

early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay

to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very

surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,

your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the

coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a

locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced Marmite

sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the

newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know

what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you

find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to

the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't

make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over

and over with taking children to the pediatrician.

The Sea

Thanks to David H,

Unbelievable Situations

Thanks to Alex S.

IT HAPPENS

Only in

India

Only in

Pakistan

Only in

Bangladesh

Only in

Japan

Only in

Indonesia

Only in

Thailand

Only in

Australia

Only in

Texas

Only in

Hawaii

Only in

China

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Fascinating Errors in Judgment

Thanks to David M.

''The Bomb will never go off, I speak as an expert in explosives."

- - Admiral William Leahy , US Atomic Bomb Project

"There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom."

-- Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."

-- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

-- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."

-- The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what is it good for?"

-- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."

-- Bill Gates, 1981

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us"

-- Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"

-- David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper"

-- Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out"

-- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible"

-- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this"

- - Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads .

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy"

-- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."

- - Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University , 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value"

-- Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre , France .

"Everything that can be invented has been invented"

-- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899.

"The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required."

-- Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University

"I don't know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn't be a feasible business by itself."

-- the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox.

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon,"

-- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

And last but not least...

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."

-- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

Weird Pictures

Thanks to Alex S.

Air Balloon Show

Thanks to Ray O'.

WWII Willy's Jeep Demo

Thanks to Ray O'.

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