Sunday Family Humour 12th May

Jokes presentations, videos, pictures, cartoons - family humour


Crow Mortality-rate Study

Thanks to Frans R.

A recent study has found over 200 dead crows near Ceduna South Aus.,

and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows,

and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief.

However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks,

and only 2% were killed by car impact.

The State hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the disproportionate percentages

for the large truck versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause in short order.

When crows eat road kill, they always set up another crow as a lookout in a nearby tree

to warn of impending danger.

His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah",

but he could not say "Truck."


The Old Cherokee

Thanks to Cindy

Old


Diving Giraffes

Thanks to David Meyer

Unbelievable!
Wonderful!

Diving Giraffes



After the credits – there is one more picture!  Enjoy!


The President's Car

Thanks to Cory A.
20 things you (probably ) didn't know about The Beast
President car - Beast 1

1 - Power comes from a 6.5-litre diesel engine that's fitted with a supercharger to help haul this beast around.. Yet despite this mammoth power plant, the top speed is only 60 mph (96Km) and it takes around 15 seconds to reach this.
Beast - President's Car 2

2 - It is based on a GM truck chassis and weighs a staggering 6,350 kg. To put that in context, theRolls-Royce Phantom, one of the biggest cars on the road,weighs a paltry 2,550 kg in comparison. This is why it only averages 8 mpg. (3km per liter
Beast - President's Car 3

3 - A lot of the weight comes from the armour protection.
The body is made up of steel, aluminium, titanium and ceramic.


Beast - President's Car 4

4 - The glass is five-inches thick and only the windscreen opens, to allow the driver to talk to secret service running alongside or to pay a toll. It is also hermetically sealed to secure it from chemical attack.

Beast - President's Car 5

5 - Should the worst happen, the Beast has its own oxygen supply

Beast - President's Car 6

6 - The military-grade armor means the doors are eight-inches thick and weigh as much as a Boeing 747's.

Beast - President's Car 7

7 - The doors are so thick that the president can't hear any outside noise, so speakers are built in to play the ambient sound of the crowd.

Beast - President's Car 8

8 - The underside is reinforced with a Kevlar mat to protect Caddy One from bomb attacks.

Beast - President's Car 9

9 - The fuel tank is leak proof and filled with special foam that prevents it from exploding, even in a direct hit.

Beast - President's Car 10

10 - There are two holes in the front bumper that can emit tear gas and fire smoke grenades.

Beast - President's Car 11

11 - There is also an infrared video system for the driver to drive through smoke and night vision cameras for driving in darkness without lights.

Beast - President's Car 13

12 - Cadillac One normally flies two flags, the American flag and the Presidential Standard, which are lit up at night with LEDs. When President is on a state visit, the Presidential Standard is replaced by the flag of the country he is visiting.

Beast - President's Car 12
13 - The Beast has a fire fighting system located in the trunk.

Beast - President's Car 14

14 -Also in the trunk is a bank of the president's blood that is carried at all times and when he goes out an ambulance always follows close behind.

Beast - President's Car 15

15 -President gets a presidential limo built to this specification every four years and the old ones are handed down to vice presidents and visiting heads of state.

Beast - President's Car 16

16  - The Beast can seat seven, with two seats up front, three rear-facing ones in the middle, and two at the back, one for the president and the other for a guest.

Beast - President's Car 17

17 - Inside, President isn't deprived of his creature comforts; a 10-disc CD player is among the features, as well as a sophisticated electronic communications with direct phones to the White House and internal Internet.

Beast - President's Car 18

18 - Defense systems include a pump-action shotgun in a compartment beside the driver.
19 -
 The tires are reinforced with Kevlar and can run when flat. If the tires are missing, the steel rims have been designed to allow the car to keep on driving at speed.

Beast - President's Car 19

20 - Cadillac One has no specific model name,
but is called “The Beast” by the Secret Service.



Images of Life

Thanks to Butch

Images_of_Life_1



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Top 10 Beautiful Tree Tunnels

Thanks to Paul S.

Trees, The longest-living organisms on Earth, beautify and protect our environment by providing color, shelter, and shade. They renew our air supply by soaking up carbon dioxide and producing oxygen.
 
Starting at Number 10.
 
Cherry Blossom Tunnel , Germany
 
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SajZ32gMOps/ULnihz05eRI/AAAAAAAA6ac/SVFf1v6njjE/s1600/Top-10-Tree-Tunnel-001.jpg
 
Each spring, a peaceful street, located in the German city of Bonn , transforms into an enchanting cherry blossom tunnel. Photographer Marcel Bednarz captured this stunning sight of cherry blossoms in full bloom. He explained to me that there are actually two streets in Bonn where cherry trees are planted, but the one you see in the above picture is called Heerstraße. A s you may know, the average cherry blossom lasts only between 7 and 10 days, depending on weather conditions. 
 
09. Rua Gonçalo de Carvalho, Brasil
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OGFAXeXnqz0/ULniiwS8yfI/AAAAAAAA6ag/huVJU69vqXM/s1600/Top-10-Tree-Tunnel-002.jpg
 
Number nine goes to Brazil ’s green tunnel from Porto Alegre , Rua Gonçalo de Carvalho. A ccording to a decree signed in 2006 by former mayor Joseph Fogaça, this beautiful street is part of the country’s historical, cultural, ecological and environmental heritage.
 There are more than one hundred towering Tipuana (Rosewood) trees along Rua Gonçalo de Carvalho. The great shade trees stretch over three city blocks, which is a good thing for the city’s overall health. Did you know that trees, properly planted around buildings, can reduce air conditioning demands by up to 30%?
 
08.  Autumn Tree Tunnel , US A
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8Qw2cQmi7y0/ULnij8e1FcI/AAAAAAAA6ao/Eb_I4gxdIaQ/s1600/Top-10-Tree-Tunnel-003.jpg

 
Photographed in glorious autumn colors by Kevin McNeal, this tree tunnel is simply astonishing! The picture was taken on the way up to Smuggler’s Notch, a Vermont state park.
The eye-catching foliage starts changing its color in the northern region, in response to many environmental factors, and spreads south as the fall season advances.
 
07. Ginkgo Tree Tunnel , Japan
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LxZ98_fcaO8/ULnikiVh-II/AAAAAAAA6a0/G1PPSRvlx58/s1600/Top-10-Tree-Tunnel-004.jpg
 
Gingko biloba is a highly venerated tree in Japanese culture. Six ginkgo trees survived the Hiroshima bombing, continuing to grow despite facing so many challenges, and are still alive today. Therefore, the Japanese regard the gingko as “the bearer of hope”. It is also known as “the survivor” or “the living fossil.”
 Around 65,000 ginkgoes grace Tokyo ’s streets, gardens and parks today. According to some people who visited Tokyo , the tunnel you see in the above picture is located in the outer garden of Meiji Shrine .
 
06. Yew Tree Tunnel , UK
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_CFjn8UbjHM/ULnilvts2AI/AAAAAAAA6a4/-VbObenru0M/s1600/Top-10-Tree-Tunnel-005.jpg
 
The medieval Aberglasney House features one of the most beautiful gardens in Wales , UK . They have been an inspiration to writers since 1470. The Yew Tunnel is a popular tourist attraction in this area. Believe it or not, it took nine years of pruning to restore this unique archway. “Years of neglect had left it unsafe and with a perilous future, as the once formally clipped structure had grown even higher than the top of the Mansion itself. It is so nice to see it looking invigorated and healthy again, I had every confidence that with careful restoration it would help its future longevity, but I have to confess that it did look drastic at the time,” declared Graham Rankin, one of A berglasney’s directors.
 The Yew Tunnel is thought to have been planted by the Dyer family of A berglasney, during the 18th century.
 
05. The Dark Hedges, Northern Ireland
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N5yb-k1tKpA/ULnimuAMclI/AAAAAAAA6bE/WoAYeW9rnk8/s1600/Top-10-Tree-Tunnel-006.jpg

 
Tucked away in the county of A ntrim , these beautiful beech trees are thought to be around 300 years old. A ccording to local records, James Stuart planted the 150 beech trees in the 18th century, to impress guests as they approached his splendid property, Gracehill House.
 Legend tells that the spirit of a maid, who lived in a neighboring mansion and died in mysterious circumstances hundreds of years ago, haunts the country road. “Grey Lady” silently floats along the road and quickly disappears as she reaches the last beech tree.
 
04. Bamboo Path , Japan
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-09PTiaDF9Ks/ULninjDIY8I/AAAAAAAA6bM/rZCyLt9pTOY/s1600/Top-10-Tree-Tunnel-007.jpg
 
The Sagano Bamboo Forest is located in Arashiyama, a nationally-designated historic site.  The pathway you see in the above picture is 500m long, and runs through one of Japan ’s most beautiful bamboo forests. No wonder the Agency for Cultural Affairs declared A rashiyama a “Place of Scenic Beauty”. This forest is close to many famous temple and shrines, including the Adashino Nenbutsu-ji Temple .
 The sound the wind makes, as it blows through the tall bamboo trees, has been voted by the Japanese authorities as one of 100 must-preserve sounds of Japan .
 
03. Tunnel of Love , Ukraine
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pIrNZzDjY9Q/ULnip_5vBQI/AAAAAAAA6bQ/VcDTcWwi9pw/s1600/Top-10-Tree-Tunnel-008.jpg
 
The Ukrainian Tunnel of Love is actually a two-mile sector of private railway that serves a woodworking plant near Klevan, a small city located in western Ukraine . I read somewhere that couples pass through this romantic tunnel to make a wish. The myth goes that, if their love is strong and pure, the wish will come true.
 May all of your wishes come true, but watch out for the train! It runs three times a day through the leafy tunnel.
 
02. Jacarandas Walk, South A frica
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JWgtU0hKZFU/ULniqtsq7DI/AAAAAAAA6bY/8IXeK9XGSSE/s1600/Top-10-Tree-Tunnel-009.jpg
 
Over 10 million trees keep South Africa ’s largest city green. According to several unofficial sources, Johannesburg is home to the world’s largest man-made forest.
 There are at least 49 species of Jacaranda, most of them native to South America (particularly in Uruguay , Brazil , Peru & Argentina ), and the Caribbean basin. The tropical trees were imported to South Africa over one hundred years ago.
 October is the month when the flowers of thousands of Jacaranda trees are in full blossom.  This spectacular tree tunnel is located either in Johannesburg or Pretoria , the Jacaranda City where 70,000+ Jacarandas add vivid splashes of purple-blue to the urban landscape.
 
01. Wisteria Tunnel , Japan
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wwl_dykOlKc/ULnirsVtyyI/AAAAAAAA6bg/F3nFFxQ18W8/s1600/Top-10-Tree-Tunnel-010.jpg
 
As soon as the cherry blossom season ends, the gorgeous Wisteria flowers, that hang in grape-like clusters, take their turn on the Japanese floral calendar. The Fuji Matsuri, or Wisteria Festival, is celebrated each spring in Tokyo , Shizuoka , and Okazaki .
 The Ashikaga Flower Park is one of the best places to admire different varieties of wisteria, including double-petaled wisteria, giant wisteria and yellow, white, light pink or purple variants of wisteria.

Mada´in Saleh

Thanks to Lee

I wish I had known about this when in Saudi Arabia
 - the only other thing to look at was camels

Mada'in Saleh




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