Sunday Family Humour 24th March

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Hysterical Air Tower Instructions

Thanks to John H.

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f....ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f....ing stupid!"

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747:"United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked,

"What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff?"

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):"Because you lost the bloody war!"

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... We've already notified our caterers."

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said: “What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience):"Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206: (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

While taxiing at London 's Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:

"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:

"Wasn't I married to you once?"

Paper Is Not Dead

Thanks to David H.

Psychiatrist and WIFI

Thanks to Frans R and David M.

Benefits of Coconut Water

Thanks to Nunzio

In classic Indian culture, the coconut palm is described as “Kalpavriksha,” or, the all giving tree. I agree with the assertion, the coconut palm is a fantastic tree with many offerings. Its fruit and coconut water offer many therapeutic benefits and contributions to human health. [1]

Coconut water is a natural nutritious beverage and it’s very popular all over the world. It’s thought to be extremely nutritious as it contains active compounds and a unique composition of sugars, vitamins, minerals, amino acids and phytohormones.

A Natural Sports Drink

The recreational, fitness, and sporting worlds are awash with sports drinks. Remove the marketing and endorsement deals and you’ll find that most are just overhyped sugar water. Coconut water has gotten a lot of attention as being a healthy, natural alternative to sport drinks. Most of this appeal is based upon observations regarding its hydration capabilities.

Coconut Water: In the Lab

Just as Indian culture places a high value on the coconut, so do their academic circles examine it in the laboratory. Several studies involving animal models have reported positive outcomes when evaluating coconut water.

The Department of Biochemistry at India’s University of Kerala has repeatedly examined the effect of coconut water on lab rats from multiple angles. In one study, they reported that mature coconut water reduced blood sugar and oxidative stress in diabetic rats. [2] Another study found that coconut water reduced high blood pressure and improved antioxidant activity. [3] Further research revealed a beneficial effect on cholesterol. [4]

Coconut Water for Total Body Hydration

When you’re exercising, or just thirsty, you have, literally, hundreds of beverage options. Why coconut water? For starters, it’s natural and it’s better for you. Coconut water has less sugar, less acidity, and less calories than soft drinks. Coconut water is also higher in electrolytes. When you’ve been exercising and sweating, you’ve lost more than water and that’s why rehydrating with more than water is necessary.

When researchers in Malaysia compared the rehydration efficacy of plain water, sports drinks, and coconut water, coconut water was the shining star. A study that included ten healthy males, each exercising for 90 minutes, determined that not only was the sodium-enriched coconut water effective for whole body rehydration, it was also better tolerated- no nausea. [5]

These findings are in line with other research that has found drinking coconut water to be easy on the stomach. Persons who consume it after exercising experience less nausea and uncomfortable “fullness” than with regular water, soft drinks, and sports beverages. [6]

Coconut Water To Avert Disaster

According to Loma Linda University Medical Center, the ability of coconut water to provide a mega-dose of refreshing hydration may have capabilities that extend well beyond the ball field. If you’ve ever been to the hospital, you probably got an intravenous saline drip to keep you hydrated. But what if you were in an area of the world where hospital-quality saline bags are not available? If you’re lucky, it’ll be an area of the world that’s plentiful in coconuts because, believe it or not, coconut water has been delivered intravenously to fight dehydration. [7]

A similar example of this was reported a number of years ago when the Gilbert Islands experienced an epidemic of Cholera, an intestinal infection that causes diarrhea and dehydration. It was discovered that coconut water with a small amount of table salt added was extremely effective at rehydrating affected persons, giving hope to other situations where coconuts are available but conventional fluids are not. [8]

Coconut Water: Try It!

Simply put, coconut water is a natural refreshing beverage that is excellent for electrolyte replenishment. It’s better for your teeth, it’s better for your health- next time you’re faced with the decision of coconut water vs. “Brand G” sports drink, I challenge you to go for the coconut water.

If you have tried it, weigh in and leave a comment. How do you like it?

Dr. Edward F. Group III, DC, ND, DACBN, DABFM

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